Overheard something quite personal

[User5653218]

I was walking along the road and I could hear someone in a parked car having a chat on a hands free speaker. She had all her windows open and the speaker was really loud.

She was a carer for a care company, logo on the car. I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.

Mary is not her real name, it is a very distinctive name, so I knew straight away who they were talking about. She's an elderly lady I know quite well. She would be mortified if she knew anyone walking past that car at that time knew that about her. And the car was parked just round the corner from her house so there's a good chance that anyone walking past might work out who they were talking about.

I stopped at the car and said "excuse me, I could hear really clearly what was being said on your speaker, I know the person you are laughing about."

The woman said "oh ffs, we're just having a laugh. Do you fancy wiping old women's bums after they've been sat in their own shit for god knows how long?"

And I said "No I wouldn't, I'm glad you're able to do it, but maybe you could just close your window or not use your speaker, then no-one would hear you"

She said "oh fuck off".

So I left.

Should I report them to their agency? I don't want to get them in trouble, they do do a job many people couldn't, but I know Mary would be devastated if she knew I'd heard that. I'm so angry for her. She's such a lovely lady, she tries so hard to keep her independence and dignity despite all her health problems.

I toyed with telling her, but it would just upset her and I'm not sure how easy it would be for her to find alternative care anyway, there's not much to choose from round our way. And I don't know if she would then be too embarrassed to speak to me. She doesn't have family, if she had a son or daughter I might have spoken to them.

But it makes me so angry that these women were laughing about her and that they will still be doing her personal care. Am I over-reacting? Were they just letting off steam after their early morning shift? It is a tough job, I have no doubt it's not fun to start your day with that. But that is their job and their clients can't help it. I'm sure they don't want to be like this either.

What would you do? I'm thinking I'll tell the agency but not Mary. Or is it enough that I spoke to the person in the car and maybe they'll think about it in future, even if they were rude to me at the time?

I guess I could do a semi-anonymous report where I just say that I overheard some chat in a car and could they please remind their staff to be discreet when having conversations in a public place, rather than give details?

Come on. Op obviously understand and she gave them a chance. They could have just said ooos, sorry. And rolled up tye window. It not really the "banter" that op is concerned about,. Its the fact that someone who knows the person could hear them which happened in this case. People like 'Mary' d deserve some dignity

You were very polite to them & asked them nicely, with an explanation as to why that's completely unacceptable. She should have just acknowledged & admitted that it was a thoughtless & unprofessional thing to do & said she wouldn't do it again but, no, she told you to fuck off which just highlights,what kind of person she is who won't admit she was in the wrong. How's she going to feel when she's an old lady Sittingbourne her own shitvwoth younger carers laughing at her? Definitely, definitely report them to their agency. Tough shit if they get sacked.

I used to be a nurse and I am incensed at this. It needs to be reported. Its wrong on all levels. If she spoke to you like that, how might she speak to a vulnerable client in the 4 walls of a home. Yes, it is unpleasant work at times, but it's a job she chose. Mary has noone to stand for her. Please do it.

As a retired Nurse and care home manager this needs to be reported. Simply said these staff are not fit to be carers and they need to be stopped. They are also out and about unsupervised caring ( or not caring) for vulnerable people, please report this to the agency or CQC or both

You were listening, you could have chosen to ignore it but didn't. Say nothing.

I think a lot of people would respond with ‘fuck off’ if confronted in their car by a stranger. Swearing is not an offence and is a usual part of most adult’s vocabulary. It doesn't sound like it was said aggressively or threateningly. If a stranger approached me whilst sat in my car I would probably feel vulnerable and want them to go away, telling a stranger to fuck off if they come up to you and start berating you is not a shocking response. It doesn’t even mean the carer hasn’t taken on board what the OP said and won’t modify her behaviour, it just means in that moment she probably felt attacked unexpectedly and possibly a bit shameful and wanted the OP to leave her alone. I really don’t think it’s a big deal to tell a stranger to fuck off if they come up to you and start berating you.

People let off steam when they finish work, especially in that situation. The carers may have treated Mary with dignity and compassion (although hard to maintain Mary's dignity when someone is wiping her bum).
There is no correlation between how they acted at the time and how they behaved afterwards.

I would report 1000000%. It divulges data protection too. They know this that’s why she got so shirty

dobt tell Mary. Don’t tell anyone else but report to the company for sure.

Shocked and disgusted at the people on here saying “ could you do their job” “ not enough carers” and “ banter” to justify this. Humour is of course necessary to cope with most blue light jobs - but calling out patients and being offensive about them in easy earshot is against all guidelines/ protocol , and when called out to say F off rather than acknowledge that shows insensitivity, callousness and a lack of care. I’m guessing that nobody would want their loved one to be looked after by someone like this so it’s not ok for anyone else either. Yes 100% report both to the agency and to Social services. People who can’t protect the dignity of their patients and care so little about being overheard are no loss to the service at all - it’s probably the tip of the iceberg. To allow them to continue unchecked and unchallenged also means others being trained by the agency will learn and copy this ethos and possibly worse. There are good, sensitive carers around - these are not them.

I would report them. The lady is not being cared for properly if she is not shown respect. And as for the budding author who thinks Mary would be put in a home and die! get a grip. All it takes for bad things to happen is for people like you to do nothing.

Truly amazed that there are people on here who don't think you should report this. FFS. I would. What if it was your mum or your gran they were talking about? What if, in a few years time, it was you? I'd persist in taking it to the highest level. Why do we put up with such shit behaviour? And low pay - while of course we should be fighting against - is no excuse for 'carers' behaving like arseholes. Report them.

Oh my! Yes you must report them. Even swearing at you was bad enough. If she apologised and shut the window saying she was sorry and she was just letting off steam after a difficult shift I could understand more but that attitude stinks. I worked for the NHS for 15 years and would be disciplined if anyone reported me for publicly discussing a patient. It’s not on, what a cruel viscous woman.

@User5653218 I'm afraid a direct complaint to the agency would be counter-productive and Mary might suffer as a consequence. As others have said, a lot higher up the food chain would be better.

This is the most ridiculous Thing I’ve ever read. Shows you know nothing about care in the community/domicillary care.

As someone in a senior position in a similar company, I would want to hear about that immediately. That’s wholly unacceptable behaviour, and it’s not just “a laugh”. It shows a complete disregard for that person’s privacy and dignity. Harm and neglect start somewhere, and they start with people working in jobs without the values and ethics needed in that job

OP, please report to CQC if in England. This was a breach of a persons privacy and disrespectful. The “carer” isn’t, will almost certainly be breaking the law in other ways and I’d bet money on being more than verbally abusive to vulnerable clients. The company might ignore it, or just give a warning but this level of disrespect is a massive flag to what else could be going on so the regulator should be told to inform the risk assessment of this company. @SophiaElise is just being a wind up merchant, no one can be that stupid in reality. Other than this so called carer. https://www.cqc.org.uk/contact-us/report-concern/report-concern-if-you-are-member-public

It doesn’t sound like they had much choice not to listen. They were very loud.

Report them 100%. They have demonstrated zero compassion, empathy, respect for their client’s dignity & confidentiality. As you saw, they react aggressively and childishly when you point out they are breaching Mary’s privacy. People like this do not have the constitution to be working with vulnerable people. They see this lady’s difficulties as amusement. It’s totally unprofessional. You will be doing a favour to all vulnerable people , like Mary, who deserve quality, compassionate care & the right to privacy & dignity, by reporting these vile gossips. If they don’t like their job, tough, it’s not Mary’s fault & she shouldn’t have to suffer these people. Neither should anyone else. I’d be furious if any family member of mine got this treatment & I might actually consider a lawsuit for breach of client confidentiality.

I hope you're not really a carer and if you are you shouldnt be in your job. I'm appalled and disgusted.

I did that job for 7 years and now do a similar job and wouldn’t dream of speaking this way about someone, especially so publicly. It’s an offence what they did and they put the clients dignity in jeopardy. They don’t deserve such a worthy role.

This is very irresponsible. As a former head of department in the care sector I would absolutely hate for abuses like this to go unreported. And that’s exactly what it is, abuse. They have abused the trust between client and provider, and aside from that would be completely unrepresentative of the care company. For her to tell her to ‘fuck off’ when confronted is unacceptable and shows she neither cares about Mary or the respected role she has in society.
min regards with Mary being left with no care, yes that may happen (or hours be difficult to fill) but I certainly wouldn’t want my mum being looked after by someone like her.

Report it. The 'carer' (I use that term loosely)sounds awful. Can you imagine what she might be like when behind closed doors with an old vulnerable person who can't defend themselves. If she spoke so abusively to you, she will speak like that to everyone. Definitely report.. people like that should not be working with vulnerable people.

Completely irrelevant

In which case, as long as I'm nice to the pupils in my care , youd be fine ir I sat in a public place and said awful things about your child?

Probably gallows humour but they shouldn’t be doing it publicity and then verbally abusing you for pointing that out. If it was me I’d pen a letter anonymising Mary and the carers, outlining how you overheard and was the told to do one. Make it clear how the dignity of your neighbour was lost and how we may all find ourselves in her situation one day. Fingers crossed those meanies will feel guilty and then other agency staff will learn too. You never know.

Vile post.

Thank goodness OP hasn't listened to pathetic, weak, uncaring posters like you