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Original poster

Overheard something quite personal

990 replies

User5653218 · 14/07/2023 11:20

I was walking along the road and I could hear someone in a parked car having a chat on a hands free speaker. She had all her windows open and the speaker was really loud.

She was a carer for a care company, logo on the car. I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.

Mary is not her real name, it is a very distinctive name, so I knew straight away who they were talking about. She's an elderly lady I know quite well. She would be mortified if she knew anyone walking past that car at that time knew that about her. And the car was parked just round the corner from her house so there's a good chance that anyone walking past might work out who they were talking about.

I stopped at the car and said "excuse me, I could hear really clearly what was being said on your speaker, I know the person you are laughing about."

The woman said "oh ffs, we're just having a laugh. Do you fancy wiping old women's bums after they've been sat in their own shit for god knows how long?"

And I said "No I wouldn't, I'm glad you're able to do it, but maybe you could just close your window or not use your speaker, then no-one would hear you"

She said "oh fuck off".

So I left.

Should I report them to their agency? I don't want to get them in trouble, they do do a job many people couldn't, but I know Mary would be devastated if she knew I'd heard that. I'm so angry for her. She's such a lovely lady, she tries so hard to keep her independence and dignity despite all her health problems.

I toyed with telling her, but it would just upset her and I'm not sure how easy it would be for her to find alternative care anyway, there's not much to choose from round our way. And I don't know if she would then be too embarrassed to speak to me. She doesn't have family, if she had a son or daughter I might have spoken to them.

But it makes me so angry that these women were laughing about her and that they will still be doing her personal care. Am I over-reacting? Were they just letting off steam after their early morning shift? It is a tough job, I have no doubt it's not fun to start your day with that. But that is their job and their clients can't help it. I'm sure they don't want to be like this either.

What would you do? I'm thinking I'll tell the agency but not Mary. Or is it enough that I spoke to the person in the car and maybe they'll think about it in future, even if they were rude to me at the time?

I guess I could do a semi-anonymous report where I just say that I overheard some chat in a car and could they please remind their staff to be discreet when having conversations in a public place, rather than give details?

OP posts:
7eleven · 14/07/2023 20:55

Nah, that’s a crap excuse

BathroomOnTheRight · 14/07/2023 21:03

MolkosTeenageAngst · 14/07/2023 20:50

But she wasn’t telling the whole of mumsnet. She was telling a single colleague in private over the phone. It wasn’t her fault the colleague had her on speakerphone with the windows down on a street just down the road from the home of ‘Mary’ and that at the exact moment she said this comment within a wider conversation someone who knows the woman very well walked past and heard it. How could anyone predict that was going to happen? The odds of something like that happening are so slim you wouldn’t even consider that they would actually happen, it’s almost unbelievable so you can’t really blame the carer.

Show quote history

It was Mary's carer who made the comment. It was Mary's carer who held the conversation, in public, with the phone on speaker, with the windows wound down, so the neighbourhood could hear. Not the colleague.

Original poster
User5653218 · 14/07/2023 21:13

BathroomOnTheRight · 14/07/2023 21:03

It was Mary's carer who made the comment. It was Mary's carer who held the conversation, in public, with the phone on speaker, with the windows wound down, so the neighbourhood could hear. Not the colleague.

Show quote history

The woman making the comment was on speakerphone. The woman listening was in the car with the volume turned up and the windows open.

The car with the listening carer was parked just round the corner from Mary's house. I believe, from talking to Mary, that there is a rota of carers who cover the local area. She doesn't have the same person every time but has maybe 3 or 4 on rotation. I have no idea if the person in the car has also been involved in Mary's care.

All I wanted was for the woman to turn her volume down or close her windows and be a bit more aware in future of whether or not she could be overheard.

I think people often don't realise how loud those car speakers are. The sound seems to really carry more than 'live' voices. But she's a professional, she should have training in these things. They both should.

OP posts:
RatatouilleAndFeta · 14/07/2023 21:22

MaryJean87 · 14/07/2023 11:26

Yes I'd report and if they lose their job it's their own fault. They are clearly not the type of person who should be working in that that kind of profession. You wouldn't want to be looked after by someone like that in your old age, nor have a loved family member in their care.

This.

AutieNOT0tie · 14/07/2023 21:46

I would tell the company on the basis that they have so little regard for the dignity of their patients I would
Be concerned about the level of respect they give

MolkosTeenageAngst · 14/07/2023 21:51

BathroomOnTheRight · 14/07/2023 21:03

It was Mary's carer who made the comment. It was Mary's carer who held the conversation, in public, with the phone on speaker, with the windows wound down, so the neighbourhood could hear. Not the colleague.

Show quote history

Re-read the OP because that is not the way the OP has told it. As colleagues they are obviously both carers but the OP states, ‘I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.’

It’s clear that the only carer who could be heard was the one over the speakerphone, that the carer who made the comment was not present in the car and probably didn’t know her colleague had her on speakerphone with the windows down on a street near Mary’s house. She probably thought the conversation was private, and it is normal for colleagues to have these kinds of debriefs and conversations in private.

WildUnchartedWaters · 14/07/2023 22:19

So glad this is still here. Please keep it til tomorrow so I can read through!

tunbridgeoutrage · 14/07/2023 22:24

Op, how do you know Mary? You must be quite close to have her number and call her at night.

MissPop · 14/07/2023 22:25

I’ve worked as a home carer and I wouldn’t think twice about informing their agency and also CQC. Of course people have their own private conversations that could include dark humour but to have that on loudspeakers is disgraceful. If they think so little of their dignity then I would bet my bottom dollar they’re not great carers. Infact I would have clocked their agency and looked at their CQC report myself.

tunbridgeoutrage · 14/07/2023 22:35

. Why would the agency listen to some random from off the street who isn’t reporting on actual abuse but on something she reckons she heard on a speakerphone?. And she didn’t even see the person she is reporting. I think op is deluded to think they took the carer off duty on account of her report. The agency would be at risk of unfair dismissal. And quite right too.

MissPop · 14/07/2023 23:03

@tunbridgeoutrage

I think you’ll find the agency would very much care. It’s not abuse but it’s a gross breach of confidentiality which isn’t taken lightly by care providers. Although if this is the calibre of carers they employ then I suspect their standards are low.

tunbridgeoutrage · 14/07/2023 23:15

MissPop · 14/07/2023 23:03

@tunbridgeoutrage

I think you’ll find the agency would very much care. It’s not abuse but it’s a gross breach of confidentiality which isn’t taken lightly by care providers. Although if this is the calibre of carers they employ then I suspect their standards are low.

You haven’t answered my question. Anyone?

7eleven · 14/07/2023 23:38

This makes it blatantly clear that due care towards the right to dignity wasn’t given

Overheard something quite personal
WildUnchartedWaters · 15/07/2023 01:07

tunbridgeoutrage · 14/07/2023 22:35

. Why would the agency listen to some random from off the street who isn’t reporting on actual abuse but on something she reckons she heard on a speakerphone?. And she didn’t even see the person she is reporting. I think op is deluded to think they took the carer off duty on account of her report. The agency would be at risk of unfair dismissal. And quite right too.

Sorry?

I'm sure you didnt mean it as so, but it looks as if you are excusing the person's behaviour, and painting OP as a liar?

WildUnchartedWaters · 15/07/2023 01:08

MolkosTeenageAngst · 14/07/2023 21:51

Re-read the OP because that is not the way the OP has told it. As colleagues they are obviously both carers but the OP states, ‘I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.’

It’s clear that the only carer who could be heard was the one over the speakerphone, that the carer who made the comment was not present in the car and probably didn’t know her colleague had her on speakerphone with the windows down on a street near Mary’s house. She probably thought the conversation was private, and it is normal for colleagues to have these kinds of debriefs and conversations in private.

Show quote history

No, it is not remotely normal to discuss human beings in that manner and it is worrying you think so.

GrandTheftWalrus · 15/07/2023 01:14

I was a care assistant from the age of 17 to 25. The first thing my mum told me was - treat them how you would want people to help your gran. At the time my gran was in a care home.

I was cleaning people for the grand sum of 3.50ph when I started.

It is a hard job, it is underpaid. So I can understand frustration. But please report these people. There is no need for them to discuss this in public.

somedogsdo · 15/07/2023 01:15

I would definitely say something. These particular people shouldn't be working in care if that is their attitude.

www.cqc.org.uk/contact-us/how-complain/complain-about-adult-social-care-service

Tiredandannoyed2023 · 15/07/2023 01:17

Jongleterre · 14/07/2023 11:32

Could you do their job?

I couldn't.

It's light relief banter between colleagues.

There’s a time and a place for banter, and this was inappropriate and disrespectful.

Addicted2LoveIsland · 15/07/2023 01:24

Report

QueenBitch666 · 15/07/2023 01:55

I'd definitely report her. Disgusting behaviour. Imagine that scrote looking after your mum or dad

QueenBitch666 · 15/07/2023 01:56

SophiaElise · 14/07/2023 11:24

Let's say you tell the agency, the carers quit or get sacked, no-one wants the job and Mary has to go into a home. And dies shortly afterwards.

Or... you just get on with your day and life carries on as normal.

Disgraceful comment

QueenBitch666 · 15/07/2023 01:57

Jongleterre · 14/07/2023 11:32

Could you do their job?

I couldn't.

It's light relief banter between colleagues.

And totally unprofessional. Disgusting comment

QueenBitch666 · 15/07/2023 02:00

Jongleterre · 14/07/2023 11:32

Could you do their job?

I couldn't.

It's light relief banter between colleagues.

Until they're looking after your parents eh?

wakeuporswim · 15/07/2023 02:02

Just wanted to say well done for confronting them. A lot of people wouldn't.

QueenBitch666 · 15/07/2023 02:03

Allwelcone · 14/07/2023 12:31

Don't report her op I'm sure she will close the window next time. Care agencies can be awful employers.

Please mind yr own business on this one and let it slide.

Unless it's one of your parents she's discussing?