Overheard something quite personal

[User5653218]

I was walking along the road and I could hear someone in a parked car having a chat on a hands free speaker. She had all her windows open and the speaker was really loud.

She was a carer for a care company, logo on the car. I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.

Mary is not her real name, it is a very distinctive name, so I knew straight away who they were talking about. She's an elderly lady I know quite well. She would be mortified if she knew anyone walking past that car at that time knew that about her. And the car was parked just round the corner from her house so there's a good chance that anyone walking past might work out who they were talking about.

I stopped at the car and said "excuse me, I could hear really clearly what was being said on your speaker, I know the person you are laughing about."

The woman said "oh ffs, we're just having a laugh. Do you fancy wiping old women's bums after they've been sat in their own shit for god knows how long?"

And I said "No I wouldn't, I'm glad you're able to do it, but maybe you could just close your window or not use your speaker, then no-one would hear you"

She said "oh fuck off".

So I left.

Should I report them to their agency? I don't want to get them in trouble, they do do a job many people couldn't, but I know Mary would be devastated if she knew I'd heard that. I'm so angry for her. She's such a lovely lady, she tries so hard to keep her independence and dignity despite all her health problems.

I toyed with telling her, but it would just upset her and I'm not sure how easy it would be for her to find alternative care anyway, there's not much to choose from round our way. And I don't know if she would then be too embarrassed to speak to me. She doesn't have family, if she had a son or daughter I might have spoken to them.

But it makes me so angry that these women were laughing about her and that they will still be doing her personal care. Am I over-reacting? Were they just letting off steam after their early morning shift? It is a tough job, I have no doubt it's not fun to start your day with that. But that is their job and their clients can't help it. I'm sure they don't want to be like this either.

What would you do? I'm thinking I'll tell the agency but not Mary. Or is it enough that I spoke to the person in the car and maybe they'll think about it in future, even if they were rude to me at the time?

I guess I could do a semi-anonymous report where I just say that I overheard some chat in a car and could they please remind their staff to be discreet when having conversations in a public place, rather than give details?

they wont be mary's only carers,
i should imagine there are more than 2 that attend to her

That poor woman. Report them but don't tell her.

I've called the agency and reported. They sounded totally disinterested.

I'm now considering emailing the office, their head office and CQC. I'll certainly email the local office, the one I phoned, to have everything in writing.

But I am worrying about potential repercussions for Mary and her care, and potentially damaging my friendship with her if anything does come of it and she realises it was me. Maybe I should tell her.

What a mess, I wish I'd not heard anything.

You did and are doing the right thing.

I completely disagree with this and think it’s appalling that anyone thinks this should be tolerated.

Mary is a human being and part of the carers job is to maintain her dignity. Announcing to the local area that she’s been incontinent is awful, whether intentional or not.

If you can’t treat people with dignity and respect, don’t do the job.

I think short term they will probably swap some carers around for Mary.

I wouldf follow your plan. It isn't just Mary, it's how many others too. Hope the lack of respect you heard doesn't translate to their hands on care of her and others.

I believe that Mary would be grateful to have you advocating. This behaviour shouldnt be allowed to prevail.

Please report to the company @User5653218 if they are laughing and speaking about clients like that and think it's fun, god knows what's going on in people's homes. Even if it is not overt or physical abuse, there will be low level stuff going on.

I would wait for any repercussions that meant she knows it was you. Why tell her?

And if it DOES come out it was you, surely she would be grateful that you stood up for her? Embarrassed yes, but that is something you cannot help with.

You are showing yourself to be a good friend, and someone who will care for vulnerable people even if the potential consequences for you aren't great.

I wish more were like you, and not like some on this thread who are calling you a busybody. Vile carers like the women you heard today rely on name callers like them to make others keep quiet.

You wouldn't mind carers discussing you loudly and disrespect fully in the street ?

You are absolutely doing the right thing. What if next time it’s not someone like you who knows and cares for Mary and that person overhears information they can use in a bad way? The vulnerabilities of the elderly are something that can leave them exposed to all sorts of risk. If these carers are willing to let of steam (giving the benefit of the doubt) in such a careless way it needs to be dealt with.

mary wont know op @User5653218
i am sorry they sounded disinterested
go for cqc

I have worked in care for many years and this is disgusting! Absolutely there are times when it's really tough but there's no excuse for disrespect and nastiness on this level.
I wonder how many posters would excuse their behaviour if it was their mother they were laughing at?

I'm now considering emailing the office, their head office and CQC. I'll certainly email the local office, the one I phoned, to have everything in writing.

All that happened when my DMum complained was a new better carer.

I wouldn't tell Mary but the rest I would do. Most people don't like to complain but unfortunately change or enforcing standards does need people to do it when things aren't right.

Report. They are breaching confidentiality conditions at the very least, bringing the care company into disrepute and disrespecting their client. My mum had carers and I would be furious if anyone talked about her in that way. If they can’t cope with clearing up people’s excrement then they are in the wrong job.

It's not banter between colleagues when it can be overheard.
It sounds cruel and mocking.

I wouldn't tell the client but I would definitely report to the care agency and anything above them (CQC?)
That person doesn't sound like anyone I'd want near a vulnerable older person.....

Escalate it, OP. Someone has to do something to shake up the care industry - it's an utter shambles. A wake up call could be just what this agency, and the vulnerable people it serves, desperately needs.

People who are carers should have basic empathy and compassion, the person you heard/spoke to sounds like she has none. Someone like that shouldn’t be a carer, it’s not letting off steam, it’s cruel. Especially doing it so loudly close to her home.
I would take it as high as you can. ‘Mary’ deserves the care of somebody better. If she is spoken about with no dignity, she might be treated with no dignity too. You hear of many vulnerable people feeling too ashamed to speak out about the way they are treated by carers because they feel they have no choice. You could be doing Mary a favour in more ways than one by reporting.

Please tell the company , the poor lady Needs to have her privacy and dignity protected.
the carer is out of line

Report her, if she feels sufficiently disinhibited and lacking in any awareness of client confidentiality to hold such a conversation in public and then swear at you, I would have serious concerns about how she treats her clients in private

I'd report to the company, adult social carer and CQC, just so it was noted by everyone as a serious breach of confidentiality that was dealt with.
No I wouldn't, and couldn't do their job, but just because they're doing it, doesn't mean they should be either.
Laughing about that poor old lady, not on, especially when people are able to identify her.

That’s disgusting! I’m a nurse with the elderly and dealing with personal care like that doesn’t even cross my mind, when I’m doing it I don’t even think I’m cleaning up someone’s wee or anything anymore, it’s part of my job and is just second nature

if she’s like that out of that persons home, god only knows what she’s like with the client

You've done the right thing.

Follow it up.

My mum had carers and she'd be devastated if any of them spoke about her like that, as would we 😔

I recently reported a carer as well. It was really a breach of GDPR I reported as she'd left a page with someone's details including address and DOB sitting in a very public place for people to see.

I spoke to the carer herself who basically said "mind your own fucking business you nosey fucker" so I picked up my mobile in front of her and dialled the number on the door of her car....

I don't know how it ended or what happened, but if she'd even said to me omg, I didn't even realise that was there, thanks so much for pointing that out, it wouldn't have went any further.

If Mary was a vulnerable 12 year-old you would immediately identify this as a safeguarding issue and know exactly what to do.

Absolutely escalate it…you’re doing the right thing.

Your poor neighbour!