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Original poster

Overheard something quite personal

990 replies

User5653218 · 14/07/2023 11:20

I was walking along the road and I could hear someone in a parked car having a chat on a hands free speaker. She had all her windows open and the speaker was really loud.

She was a carer for a care company, logo on the car. I couldn't really make out what the person in the car was saying but the person on the speakerphone could be heard clear as day by anyone nearby. They were obviously discussing the clients they had visited this morning and the speakerphone person said "when I went into Mary at number 14 this morning she had shat herself in her chair again" then they both started laughing.

Mary is not her real name, it is a very distinctive name, so I knew straight away who they were talking about. She's an elderly lady I know quite well. She would be mortified if she knew anyone walking past that car at that time knew that about her. And the car was parked just round the corner from her house so there's a good chance that anyone walking past might work out who they were talking about.

I stopped at the car and said "excuse me, I could hear really clearly what was being said on your speaker, I know the person you are laughing about."

The woman said "oh ffs, we're just having a laugh. Do you fancy wiping old women's bums after they've been sat in their own shit for god knows how long?"

And I said "No I wouldn't, I'm glad you're able to do it, but maybe you could just close your window or not use your speaker, then no-one would hear you"

She said "oh fuck off".

So I left.

Should I report them to their agency? I don't want to get them in trouble, they do do a job many people couldn't, but I know Mary would be devastated if she knew I'd heard that. I'm so angry for her. She's such a lovely lady, she tries so hard to keep her independence and dignity despite all her health problems.

I toyed with telling her, but it would just upset her and I'm not sure how easy it would be for her to find alternative care anyway, there's not much to choose from round our way. And I don't know if she would then be too embarrassed to speak to me. She doesn't have family, if she had a son or daughter I might have spoken to them.

But it makes me so angry that these women were laughing about her and that they will still be doing her personal care. Am I over-reacting? Were they just letting off steam after their early morning shift? It is a tough job, I have no doubt it's not fun to start your day with that. But that is their job and their clients can't help it. I'm sure they don't want to be like this either.

What would you do? I'm thinking I'll tell the agency but not Mary. Or is it enough that I spoke to the person in the car and maybe they'll think about it in future, even if they were rude to me at the time?

I guess I could do a semi-anonymous report where I just say that I overheard some chat in a car and could they please remind their staff to be discreet when having conversations in a public place, rather than give details?

OP posts:
BodegaSushi · 14/07/2023 13:27

First Aldi, now this.

loveandpoprockz · 14/07/2023 13:27

I wonder if the so-called ‘carers’ are on this thread..

Willmafrockfit · 14/07/2023 13:28

they do not need validating @tunbridgeoutrage i have been a carer,
i know the basic principle of treating others as human beings.
i also know about confidentiality.
they are in the wrong job
or at least require training

Mistymountain · 14/07/2023 13:29

I wouldn't tell Mary and I wouldn't report the carer to the care home either, no one has actually been harmed here and the carer was just blowing off steam with a colleague.

Since Covid especially, the atmosphere in the UK seems to be becoming more and more like East Germany in the Soviet times - we'll have the Stasi next.

FrustatedAgain · 14/07/2023 13:29

I would report it, their attitude and then their attitude to you would be a huge red flag for me, how do they treat and respect this lady when they are in her home.

rottweilersrock · 14/07/2023 13:29

MogTheMoogle · 14/07/2023 12:14

It's not professional to be laughing and joking about their clients, and a disrespectful conversation to have in public.

But its not just "jokes" and disgraceful behaviour that's the issue here. Even if they were talking respectfully - they are still inadvertently sharing sensitive and private information.

There is potentially a risk here. What if the next speakerphone conversation isn't about her accident, but the code to her key safe? Or another clients address or contact number?

Private medical information - if one of their clients is unwell - and hasn't necessarily shared this with others.

It's all hypothetical now, but it only takes one conversation with the wrong person walking past to put a client at risk or upset someone.

Definitely let the agency know, and mention even if the conversation is entirely professional, a phone conversation on car speakers can be fully heard outside the car, when its stationary (even with windows closed tbh).

Totally agree with this.
I worked as a carer, and this is completely unprofessional behaviour.
Definitely report to the agency.

Kofola · 14/07/2023 13:30

OP, I have done care work before, when I was quite a lot younger too. There is NO WAY I'd sat and have discussed an older person like this in public.

Please report it either to the agency or, better, to your local social work team.

If Mary is sitting in her own shit "for God knows how long" then this should be a big red flag to the care team that she needs assessed for more home care visits or residential care, not something to laugh about.

user1471556818 · 14/07/2023 13:30

Retired nurse and care manager please please report this
Everyone can have a moan and that's OK
What is not is where this occurred and I'm afraid that response makes it even worse
Don't say to Mary nor any of your neighbours but do report

cpphelp · 14/07/2023 13:31

As an ex care home manager..... don't tell Mary.

Do tell the care company with a really accurate description of car, location, etc

HN3452 · 14/07/2023 13:32

SophiaElise · 14/07/2023 11:24

Let's say you tell the agency, the carers quit or get sacked, no-one wants the job and Mary has to go into a home. And dies shortly afterwards.

Or... you just get on with your day and life carries on as normal.

And there we have it, in one fell swoop, why the elderly are treated so disgustingly.

Emotional blackmail NOT to do the right thing - at its finest.

@SophiaElise and those agreeing with her - you should be utterly ashamed.

viques · 14/07/2023 13:32

I would tell the company, what they said broke all the rules of patient care, compassion and confidentiality, and for those reasons alone they need to be spoken to and reprimanded .

In addition they were in a car emblazoned with the company name and logo, so the reputation and standing of the company was also compromised.

They were also abusive to a member of the public who had raised a legitimate issue with them, again this brings the reputation of the company under scrutiny.

Willmafrockfit · 14/07/2023 13:34

there is such thing as client confidentiality, respect and compassion
nothing to do with covid.

Deathbyfluffy · 14/07/2023 13:35

Report - those kind of people really annoy me!

Willmafrockfit · 14/07/2023 13:35

how would you feel if it was your mother
or your child?

Fraaahnces · 14/07/2023 13:38

Okay - it’s not just banter when a client’s privacy is compromised like that. Mary would feel utterly degraded if she knew someone had spoken about her like this in the vicinity of people she knows. The carer’s employment contract would have had a very detailed Code of Conduct that as a nurse, I can absolutely assure you she broke during that conversation. I’m disgusted by this woman and her desire to big note herself by degrading a vulnerable woman.

DandelionBurdockAndGin · 14/07/2023 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It's private medical information being discussed openly in a public place that someone Mary knows socially was able to overhear.

I can't believe many people are happy to have personal medical information loudly discussed in such a way they are identifiable to their social circle.

It's very upsetting as my family member is currently suffering with incontinence issue due to underlying medical issues it's extremely upsetting for everyone - that doesn't make it okay to upset my family further by loudly talking public so neighbour can overhear. FIL has issues post huge fall and being in ICU for a few weeks - he back to normal active life being social and going out - not sure he'd be comfortable doing so if everyone knew his struggles till he got back to normal.

montecarlo7 · 14/07/2023 13:39

Yes, I'd report them to the agency

Superdupes · 14/07/2023 13:39

On the basis that Mary knows and likes these carers, I would let it go. If she wasn't very happy then it would be a different story.

You were right to say what you did and they hopefully learned their lesson even if she did lash out at you.

If I thought these people were unusual in the way they acted and they were easily replaced with better people then I'd say follow it up. But at least they are nice to Mary's face by the sounds of it - but if they get a bollocking about her might that change? Could they be moved from her and someone who doesn't even bother being nice to Mary's face replace them? It's impossible to know, but on the basis that Mary knows and likes them and you've spoken to them about their behaviour, personally I'd leave it.

Mixedberrygenderfluidmuffin · 14/07/2023 13:40

If you know the care agency, I would phone and tell them that about what you overheard, but I wouldn't tell them the specific client. Ask them to remind all their workers of the importance of confidentiality and respecting client's privacy.

She probably knows she was in the wrong, but reacted badly to being 'told off'.

Health workers do sometimes need to sound off to each other, joking about shared experiences helps to reduce stress, and doesn't mean they don't care about their patients, but should NEVER happen where they can be overheard.

2mummies1baby · 14/07/2023 13:41

I would also tell the company but definitely would not tell Mary.

WiddlinDiddlin · 14/07/2023 13:42

From the POV of someone who has carers come and do intimate care...

Report both to employer and CQC.

Do not tell the service user.

I understand that carers will use dark humour and bitch among themselves, but to do so a/where others can overhear and b/in a way that makes me recognisable to passers by... thats a long way across the line.

And to be verbally abusive to you when you've pointed it out, whilst sat in a company car/wearing a uniform is deeply unprofessional as well.

CQC Will be interested - they were interested when a care company kept lying to me telling me they'd visit within a certain time frame, and were in fact putting me in carers diaries for a time frame I'd already specified I could not do, leaving the carers to face my annoyance, stand on the doorstep for ages or even turn up when I wasn't here (so then I'd miss my care slot that day).

(I did not ring them to report this, they range me as a service user of a particular company under investigation for Other Things).

Elphame · 14/07/2023 13:43

Takeovermylife · 14/07/2023 12:27

You should here how us nursery workers talk about parents and some children...

Its just stress relief banter with someone that will understand what you arebgoing through. They don't mean it.

Would you do this where other parents and the general public could hear you?

If someone politely mentioned they could hear your private conversation would you tell them to "fuck off"?

Black humour is all very well, I used to indulge in it myself with colleagues but always took great care that it would not be overheard.

DandelionBurdockAndGin · 14/07/2023 13:43

On the basis that Mary knows and likes these carers, I would let it go. If she wasn't very happy then it would be a different story.

We've had family members say this when actually they had real concerns but don't want to be a bother or seem ungrateful or worry complaints will make the care worse.

Honesty OP report to the care company and let them take what action they deem appropriate.

Doteycat · 14/07/2023 13:43

Any chance she had of me not reporting would have gone right out the window once she told me to F off.
Report her. If she loses her job, thats her fault.

BathroomOnTheRight · 14/07/2023 13:46

@tunbridgeoutrage I hope to goodness you are never, ever, ever a carer of anyone, if your standards and that low and unprofessional. Laughing about a vulnerable client's personal issues, in public, is not professional and would get you fired from any job, whether working with children, vulnerable women or the elderly. If you're not the 'carer' in question I suggest you never consider going into that field if you think it's 'meddling' to tell someone they shouldn't be airing PRIVATE CLIENT INFORMATION in public. Thankfully you are in the teeny tiny minority.

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