Jonah Hill - wtf?!

[Frankola]

I know there's a lot of other scandal going around this week 😬 but has anyone else been watching the Jonah Hill story unfold?

His ex girlfriend, a surfer named Sarah Brady, has come forward with a load of texts and screenshots sent to her by Jonah during their relationship (and afterwards) where he seems to show himself as an absolute narcissistic, emotional abuser. Telling her she wasn't allowed to surf with men, she needed to remove any photos of her in a swimsuit from her socials, and that if she didn't do this she was breaking his 'safe boundaries' and disrespecting him blah blah blah...

Unbelievable!

I guess it depends on things like what 'boundary less inappropriate relationships with men' means. If it means 'friends' then it's controlling. If it means 'stop frolicking near naked and grinding yourself on the laps of every man you know' then maybe he has a point

Couldn’t agree more.

So sad, 35 years on from leaving an abuser - who coincidentally had started out with his own " rules" after about 6 months ( you shouldn't feel the need to go out with friends, you've got meeeee! ) people are still making excuses for them .
Mine went from this, to isolating me from friends, then the odd slap , then a couple of broken ribs and a black eye, then refusing to let me sleep after my night shifts before I got out.
Bravo to this woman for speaking out and shame on all the apologists.

It is because it's not a boundary. It's a rule. About how she's allowed to dress, who she's allowed to interact with, what career she's allowed to persue... It's tarted up with reasonable words, but controlling behaviour pretty much always is.

If he didn't want to date a woman who wears swimwear and models, why did he date a woman who wears swimwear and models and then tell her that behaviour was unacceptable for him? Because he thought he could change her into the person he wanted her to be.

And me. There isn’t a huge difference between MRAs and handmaidens if this thread is anything to go by. They’re slightly more scarey than he is IMO

A boundary is like, "I will not stop cooking meat even though you would prefer me to eat vegan like you. If you can't handle me continuing to cook and eat meat, then we aren't right for each other." In that boundary, you are regulating your own behavior. You will continue to cook meat in the home you live in. If you changed that "boundary" to "I will not tolerate any vegan meals in my household, that's my boundary," then that would be control masquerading as a boundary.

Excellent example from @aloris

People who saying this isn't abusive honestly have no clue about coercive control and emotional abuse. Abuse isn't just smacking someone. It can he subtle and slow and creep up on someone until they are a shell of their former self. She posted 3 maybe 4 messages. That was just a small snippet of their relationship. She took down her surfing posts on Instagram because he didn't like her show off too much skin. How ridiculous! It is her job.
Alot of the time the person feels they have to give in to please the perp so not to make them angry, or make them leave. So many people say why didn't she just leave if she didn't like what he said. It really isn't that easy. I know first hand. There are so many complexities such as their upbringing or experiences throughout their lives that bring them to put up with this cr*p.
Jonah Hill is abusive, no question. And you may see abuse spoken about more because of the amazing campaigns domestic abuse charities are doing and making women feel they can actually speak out. Instead of hiding and feeling ashamed

@Sartre I'm frankly concerned about a lot of things you have said. Especially given you say that you have experienced an abusive relationship yourself. You very much come across as sympathetic to his behaviour.

@aloris I think that you've used perfect examples. If someone posted on here that their Dh had told them they couldn't see their parents, couldn't work in an office alongside men, and could only spend their time with dh then posters would be up in arms.

But because this is a celebrity and the demands are dressed up a little differently because of the lifestyle they lead a lot of people cannot identify with it, they're saying it's all fine.

@yipeeyiyay his issue was apparently that, as a pro surfer, she worked alongside men. She was literally doing her job - with male colleagues doing their job too 🙄

She wasn't out grinding on anyone.

I thought I'd stick the documentary about therapy he made to see if there was anything odd about it.

This came up in the first minute!

Reading some of these posts genuinely makes me concerned for some women if they believe this man's behaviour is acceptable

I'm not. Hell mend them if they want to be deliberately blind to abuse.

I think it's kind of in between, if you know what I mean. Like, if the boundary was "If you do not want to be sexually monogamous then we are not a compatible match" then I think most people would think that is reasonable even though that is also a case where you would be asking the other person to restrict her behavior. The things that are cited in the OP are a mix or are ambiguous, but in our culture, not being allowed to surf with the opposite sex would be considered to be controlling I think. So I think it's partly about what we consider normal in our culture.

If a woman stated their values and expectations she would be celebrated.
But bc a man stood up for his feelings he's the bad guy.
That's absurd.

I have really mixed feelings about this. I feel like some people are just pretending she was simply just wearing a bikini whilst surfing and that's what this is about... but you can clearly see if u look at her Instagram that there are many deliberately sexually provocative shots of her in thong bikinis where she is not surfing.. there's one in the first page thats just her underboob and her crotch with half her face cropped out.

And shes beautiful, fair play to her.. nowt wrong with her posting these pics... but I do think that many people might have a problem with their intimate partner posting pics like this online and all the sexual comments underneath them. Like that's not out of the realms of normality to upset someone... not everyone is gonna be cool with that and so I'm not sure how this is emotional abuse?

He seems insecure but I'm not sure he deserves the level of vitriol actually.

She certainly should have just let him break up with her rather than trying to please him...

But I'm not sure why everyone's pretending that his text is super crazy...

@aloris @Brightandshining

Exactly. Most 'he was abusive' posters ignore the context of sexuality and monogamy.

It's perfectly reasonable to expect the other partner to be monogamous. Heck, that's one of the fundaments of romantic relationships.

Of course monogamy and all it involves differs from culture to culture. In cultures where men and women don't chit chat with unrelated persons of the opposite gender, even having many chats with other men/women is a form of being unfaithful.

In our culture, demanding a partner never chats with members of the opposite gender, is an unreasonable request. But what about posting sexualised pictures of yourself for all an sundry to see? To me that feels more of a grey area.

Indeed it could vary from person to person. For some it might be totally fine, whereas for others it might be bordering on unfaithfulness. I think it's hard to say a fast rule here, to objectively state either that his was an unreasonable request or not.

From what he actually wrote, I don't see him being abusive. He's quote clear, I can't live with my partner posting bikini pictures, so either stop or let's split up and the best of luck and warmest wishes to you.

As far as abuse and coercive control goes, this is not it.

And I don't think it matters that she was doing it before. Either he thought he would be fine with it but later realised he isn't. Or maybe he did expect her to tone it down, because single behaviour is allowed to be looser than partnered.

No woman would be expected to allow her partner to go to nightclubs on his own every weekend and flirt with other women, just because he used to do it as a single man.

As a single man/woman you put yourself out there for everyone. When in a relationship, you become exclusive to your partner, and that isn't just for actual sex.

It’s totally controlling (sadly I have experience of an abusive marriage behind me). It starts like this (well actually this isn’t the start, I’m sure there was stuff preceding this). And gets worse and worse, more and more controlling over time.

I think people find it harder to see this as an attempt at coercive control partly because it failed! And she walked away, good on her (TBH I have always got controlling vibes from him so it’s not a huge surprise to me at all).

It’s really not reasonable to say to someone that you want to be in a relationship with them but only if they change their successful and respectable career and don’t associate with men even professionally let alone do a sport with them for fun…

The thing about not posting sexually provocative photos online, yes I agree some people would more reasonably draw a line there and I think that’s also causing confusion.

Go have a read of houseinhabits on instagram. She has a very balanced take on the whole thing, looking at both sides of the story. With more information it’s clear that he’s treated her respectfully and that she has taken the texts out of the context they were originally in. Plus she’s waited to do this till a point when he’s just had a baby to be as damaging and hurtful as possible

This is not about boundaries, this is about control, though. Also seeing someone do something (surfing, posting whatever pictures, wearing some partcular clothes, you name it), still deciding to date them regardless and then trying to set "boundaries" is not okay.

Agree. It's thrown around just like anxiety, depression, MH issues, narcissistic, etc

@Ouchiebum So I've read all those texts previously. I've also now looked at houseinhabit. If you think that is a well balanced argument then I'm confused. She hates on that girl from the start! She also accuses her of deliberately doing this after his baby is born to cause maximum hurt which Sarah has been very clear that she did not.

The other texts don't help his cause either. They contain the classic "I'm sorry you feel like that but I'm telling you it's not true, so it's not"

I'm going to sign off on this thread with a new piece of information about Jonah Hill and the kind of man he is.

There is a new story out today from a Nikelodeon actress, who accuses Jonah Hill of "shoving his tongue down her throat" without consent when she was 16 and he was 24.

JH has used his lawyer to respond. He says this is not true because the actress is a "serial accuser" (his words) of men in Hollywood. Talk about victim blaming. Considering how predatory everyone and their dog now knows Hollywood is, this bloke has actually weaponised the fact that this poor girl may have been treated like this more than once, as a reason why she is "lying"!!!!! Words fail me.

If his precious boundaries about partner behaviour are such a big deal to him why did he pursue the surfer in the first place?

The fantasy and reality of things can be quite different though can’t they, even for “celebs”? He pursued her because she was in the public eye, clearly the relationship very quickly became difficult as they promptly ended up in couples therapy, he obviously cannot cope with a partner who puts themselves out there (fragile male ego?).

It’s perhaps interesting that his subsequent partner and mother of his child appears to be much more private, has a private Instagram and they’ve only been photographed together a handful of times.

Anyway, having read their many text exchanges, he’s an insufferable manchild, as so many Hollywood men seem to be, and she’s well rid.