Jonah Hill - wtf?!

[Frankola]

I know there's a lot of other scandal going around this week 😬 but has anyone else been watching the Jonah Hill story unfold?

His ex girlfriend, a surfer named Sarah Brady, has come forward with a load of texts and screenshots sent to her by Jonah during their relationship (and afterwards) where he seems to show himself as an absolute narcissistic, emotional abuser. Telling her she wasn't allowed to surf with men, she needed to remove any photos of her in a swimsuit from her socials, and that if she didn't do this she was breaking his 'safe boundaries' and disrespecting him blah blah blah...

Unbelievable!

That's a good point. She's covering herself up way more than him

Just skimmed the weaponised boundaries article -i can see how that relates back but the ultimate thing is women often spend too much time trying to figure out why men do what they do, make excuses or demonise them. Fuck giving them headspace. They've given you information it's up to you what you do with it. Is it ok with you? No? Then leave.

@GoodChat @OldBeller I didn't even see her extra button until now! It gets worse!

I too was in abusive relationships and this behaviour is exactly where it starts! They were only together for a year - and he is telling her to take down photos from years ago, stop doing things she makes a living at and the ultimatum is that he will break up with her.

He was totally punching! How dare he try to clip her wings!

Had she sucked this up, you know he would have found more and more 'boundaries'

She is well shot of him!

Really bothered by the amount some women posters are minimising clear controlling and coercive behaviour from this wealthy, famous, enabled man.

And really hoping none of you have daughters because, fucking hell... “I’m sorry you feel that way, D, but really he’s just clearly delineating his boundaries. You should respect that and him. Grow up. It’s not abuse.” 😳

he's using therapy speak to justify coercive control. It's abusive and I hate the overuse of
that word, but that's what it is. He's had a shit load of therapy (has a netflix doc with his therapist) with an unconventional therapist and I wonder what influence that's had too.

No ffs...that's HIS boundary, SHE should do as she fucking pleases!!

And really hoping none of you have daughters because, fucking hell... “I’m sorry you feel that way, D, but really he’s just clearly delineating his boundaries. You should respect that and him. Grow up. It’s not abuse.”

Or "he's asking things of you you're not willing to change. Throw him back."

But he wasn’t breaking up with her, he was threatening to do so unless she changed everything about herself. She wasn’t as trapped as he thought she was and she promptly dumped him. He made sure to get the next girlfriend pregnant within a couple of months which knowing what we do now is worrying. Everyone knows of abusers who don’t show their true colours until a woman is pregnant and can’t leave.

Quite worrying the number of people who do not see the abuse here. Seems that "my boundaries" is the new "it's just because I love you so much".

I feel sorry for his current partner.

She cannot be accountable for breaking HIS boundaries. If he requires a girlfriend to follow xyz rules he should stick to HIS boundaries and find someone who feels the same.

making a girl fit HIS boundaries is controlling.

Jeesus, the abuse apologising is strong with this one. I worry for you/your partners/your daughters.

"But darling, he doesn't BEAT you!"

So we're saying the same thing? She wasn't ok with it so left?

His current gf is also free to make her own life choices, as to whether it is or isn't acceptable to her, or even to get pregnant.

Honestly, why is it so missed that what I'm saying is EMPOWERING. A woman is in control of their choices regardless of the batshittery that's thrown their way.

If a woman is saying that to a male partner that’s also controlling and abusive. Nobody is saying it’s fine for women to do that but not men

The fact a woman leaves in the face of abuse doesn’t mean she wasn’t abused!

I still can’t tell whether you are accepting this is a case of a woman leaving an abusive man. If you are, yes, we are agreeing.

If not and you are trying to portray his abuse as ‘just them being incompatible, they were right to break up’ then no, we are not saying the same thing. At all.

Okay. Having read it all, they are both barking mad.

Honestly don’t think he did much wrong. He’s clearly insecure as many people are and his problems with mental illness have been well documented so it’s something he has worked on for years. He isn’t perfect by any means but I think she is coming across way, way worse here.

She’s just a bitter ex really, the fact she waited until his partner gave birth to release the texts is just weird and twisted. She claimed it was so she didn’t cause his partner any stress during pregnancy, as if it’s any easier to deal with when you have a newborn… It’s just unnecessary really. His texts weren’t great but nothing criminal, I don’t think he came across that poorly at all. I say this as someone who was in a controlling and abusive relationship once too so have experience.

Ridiculous accusation. Who’s to say she didn’t also want the baby? I mean, she clearly did given the fact she didn’t terminate.

Actually, if they were both in the UK, the texts would be evidence of coercive control which yes, is a crime.

A woman is in control of their choices regardless of the batshittery that's thrown their way.

I’d disagree and the reasons for this are that pregnant women are often vulnerable, particularly in the US where the health care and abortion rules are as they are, rich men like JH have the money and capacity to manipulate situation so the level of power in a relationship like this is inherently unequal unless she is of the same star power and wealth.

So well done on Sarah for escapinh but to assume that all women can just “walk away” and make their own choices in the face of coercion is naive. Particularlu coercion dressed up as protecting his boundaries ie him laying the blame for the break up on her; when in fact it is his failure to control and change her that caused the break up.

That text is not an example of coercive control. He said he didn’t like certain things she was doing and he wasn’t the man for her if she wished to continue. It’s insecure behaviour for sure but he didn’t stop her leaving which she did and now he’s moved on. She isn’t happy about the fact he’s moved on, it’s as simple as that. She’s much younger than he is and evidently far more immature.

I’m sure she did and does want the baby. She has a devoted, charming, kind, rich movie star partner who wants to be a Daddy. Who wouldn’t be swept off their feet?

The issue is that this is a well known tactic of abusers - be Prince Charming until the woman is trapped then show their true colours. It didn’t work with Sarah - she reacted to his attempt to get her to give up her career, her income and her friends by dumping him. It’s a lot harder to do that when you have a tiny baby at home. Olivia is pretty much stuck when he starts giving her rules to live by.

If someone said, "One of my boundaries is that you must not talk to your parents" would that be valid? What if they said "One of my boundaries is that you must not talk to men." What if they said, "One of my boundaries is that you must not talk to anyone other than me." What if they said "One of my boundaries is that you must not leave the house?"

I think the problem with most of the "boundaries" listed in the first text, is the way this definition of boundaries regulates normal behavior of hers into the future and outside of his presence or outside even of any direct impact on him. That is why I think it crosses a line.

A boundary is like, "I will not stop cooking meat even though you would prefer me to eat vegan like you. If you can't handle me continuing to cook and eat meat, then we aren't right for each other." In that boundary, you are regulating your own behavior. You will continue to cook meat in the home you live in. If you changed that "boundary" to "I will not tolerate any vegan meals in my household, that's my boundary," then that would be control masquerading as a boundary.

Likewise, a boundary could be "If you want us to be in a relationship, you must accept that I will not talk to or visit your parents." If instead your boundary is "If you want us to be in a relationship then you must accept YOU will not talk to or visit your parents" then I think that's control.

But he started dating her because she was doing those things. They met when he slid into her DMs on twitter after seeing her swimsuit pictures.

Do you really not see anything wrong with starting to date someone and trying to get them to change literally everything about themelves?

So saying that your partner can’t work with male colleagues is an acceptable request in 2023?

and that your partner can’t work as a model? ( totally respectable job)

I suppose technically it’s not abuse if she declines his kind offer, but I hate how this is all dressed up in this ‘therapy/ self awareness/ speaking my truth’ language.

the bottom line is he wants to control another human being and controlling someone is abuse.