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Original poster

Jonah Hill - wtf?!

178 replies

Frankola · 11/07/2023 13:38

I know there's a lot of other scandal going around this week 😬 but has anyone else been watching the Jonah Hill story unfold?

His ex girlfriend, a surfer named Sarah Brady, has come forward with a load of texts and screenshots sent to her by Jonah during their relationship (and afterwards) where he seems to show himself as an absolute narcissistic, emotional abuser. Telling her she wasn't allowed to surf with men, she needed to remove any photos of her in a swimsuit from her socials, and that if she didn't do this she was breaking his 'safe boundaries' and disrespecting him blah blah blah...

Unbelievable!

Jonah Hill - wtf?!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
16
Lastusernamecantthinkofanotherone · 11/07/2023 14:45

I read a good thread from an ex air hostess who summed up this behaviour from men. It’s very common.

https://twitter.com/unamcilvenna/status/1678290767935336450?s=46&t=wL4q2PLllTWYBy1X1WNxpQ

https://twitter.com/unamcilvenna/status/1678290767935336450?s=46&t=wL4q2PLllTWYBy1X1WNxpQ

Original poster
Frankola · 11/07/2023 14:46

@2PintsOfCidernaBagofCrisps I'll have a nosy there. Never heard of it so thanks 😊

I'm aware she said that she waited until after his baby was born because she didn't want to cause his girlfriend any upset whilst she was pregnant. And I agree she's set a bomb off 1 yeat after the fact. But it still doesn't dissuade me from thinking he's an absolute 🔔

OP posts:
TwilightSkies · 11/07/2023 14:47

I’ve seen all the texts and he sounds like an insufferable arsehole. Using therapy language to try and control her.

The more women that come forward the better. The more that we can make women aware of this shit the better!

Original poster
Frankola · 11/07/2023 14:48

@AblationQ totally brilliant analogy 👏

Unfortunately I do think that some women would just think this is the way it is. Which is sad and infuriating in equal measure

OP posts:
Original poster
Frankola · 11/07/2023 14:51

@Thirty5 I was a bit grossed out at myself previously because I used to like Get Him To The Greek even though Russel Brand is in it...now its totally ruined for me! 🤣

OP posts:
Deadringer · 11/07/2023 14:56

I am not a fan and the guy obviously has issues but based on the message in the op i dont see any abuse. He is setting out his expectations for their relationship, I mean I agree that they are shit, but all she had to say is nope, that won't work for me.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 11/07/2023 14:57

LivingForPinkGin · 11/07/2023 14:01

She was a professional surfer when he met her. Already posting pictures of her surfing in bikinis and with men when he met her. He only had a problem with it when she got with him. That is controlling not setting his boundaries.

This ^^ if those are his boundaries then he shouldn't try and date a professional surfer and swimwear model. That's her livelihood and life passion he is trying to 'boundary' out of her. To date her and let her get invested in him before dropping that bombshell IS shitty behavior at best, and at worst laying the groundwork for a controlling and abusive relationship.

drpet49 · 11/07/2023 14:59

PretendUsername · 11/07/2023 13:56

The word abuse is thrown around so much these days it's lost its meaning. He didn't manipulate her to follow his rules, he said what he was comfortable with and supported her to move on if she doesn't feel the same way.

Speaking as someone who has been in abusive relationships this kind of casual use of the definition really grinds my gears. People are allowed preferences, what he isn't allowed to do is try and push or force her to comply with them, which this text doesn't show at all.

This! Not abusive.

onefinemess · 11/07/2023 14:59

Lots of "angry for the twitterati" on here.

He was setting his boundaries. He's entitled to change his mind on what he finds acceptable. He didn't beat her, lock her up in a house, abuse her, neglect her. He just sent her some very well worded text messages. The fact that some on here are calling that abusive is worrying.

If she didn't like his boundaries, she was free to leave.

He was not in any way abusive or controlling.

OldBeller · 11/07/2023 15:02

I don't know how people don't see this as abusive.

He's telling her what to do and saying there's the door if you don't want to respect my rules. How is that not manipulative? How is that not controlling?

And as for saying well she's no angel herself. No woman has to be an 'angel' to not be abused.

SoWhatEh · 11/07/2023 15:04

Mummysatthebodyshop · 11/07/2023 14:09

It's not controlling to have boundaries.
He does not have to stay with her if those are his boundaries. likewise as it very clearly states, he supports her if those things bring her happiness. It's laying all the cards and options on the table.

Controlling would be to stay with her, use threats manipulation emotional blackmail etc etc to bend her to his will and keeping the relationship.

I'm not so sure. I think it is an attempt at control to say to someone: If you want to be in a relationship with me, here are my conditions. And then list conditions which basically undermine the other person's right to a thriving professional life.

She was obviously a strong independent woman who walked away when he tried this shit. But my mum wasn't. When my dad told her she wasn't allowed to work if she really loved him, she stopped work. Then he kept us all in real poverty while building up vast sums in his bank account. Not all women see this for what it is. Many of us are trained form birth to be people pleasers and to put others' needs first.

he has had extensive therapy. I warmed to him on that documentary. He should know far better than to pull stunts like this. These aren't boundaries: boundaries protect us from the unsafe behaviour of others. A woman going about her professional life should not be unsafe to her partner. These are controlling demands thinly disguised in therapy-speak.

onefinemess · 11/07/2023 15:08

OldBeller · 11/07/2023 15:02

I don't know how people don't see this as abusive.

He's telling her what to do and saying there's the door if you don't want to respect my rules. How is that not manipulative? How is that not controlling?

And as for saying well she's no angel herself. No woman has to be an 'angel' to not be abused.

Because all he is doing is telling her his boundaries.

So if a wife thinks her husband is working too much, and she wants to see more of him so asks him to cut his hours, she's also abusive?

I mean, she'd be telling him what to do wouldn't she?

Or do you subscribe to the double standards of "man bad, woman good"?

He was not abusive in the least and I find it really offensive that women are casually throwing the word around and applying it to anything a man says or does that they don't agree with. It diminishes the sufferers of real abuse.

OldBeller · 11/07/2023 15:09

SoWhatEh · 11/07/2023 15:04

I'm not so sure. I think it is an attempt at control to say to someone: If you want to be in a relationship with me, here are my conditions. And then list conditions which basically undermine the other person's right to a thriving professional life.

She was obviously a strong independent woman who walked away when he tried this shit. But my mum wasn't. When my dad told her she wasn't allowed to work if she really loved him, she stopped work. Then he kept us all in real poverty while building up vast sums in his bank account. Not all women see this for what it is. Many of us are trained form birth to be people pleasers and to put others' needs first.

he has had extensive therapy. I warmed to him on that documentary. He should know far better than to pull stunts like this. These aren't boundaries: boundaries protect us from the unsafe behaviour of others. A woman going about her professional life should not be unsafe to her partner. These are controlling demands thinly disguised in therapy-speak.

Show quote history

Yes, if they were his boundaries, he should have ended the relationship or not got into in the first place. Not said to her you can change or leave. That's where it becomes controlling and abusive.

There's nothing wrong with having whatever standards you want (even if I don't personally agree with them), but YOU walk away.

And he's so slimy about it. He's acting like he's got the right of it, but if she wants to be wrong that's her decision if she wants to. Gross.

onefinemess · 11/07/2023 15:09

SoWhatEh · 11/07/2023 15:04

I'm not so sure. I think it is an attempt at control to say to someone: If you want to be in a relationship with me, here are my conditions. And then list conditions which basically undermine the other person's right to a thriving professional life.

She was obviously a strong independent woman who walked away when he tried this shit. But my mum wasn't. When my dad told her she wasn't allowed to work if she really loved him, she stopped work. Then he kept us all in real poverty while building up vast sums in his bank account. Not all women see this for what it is. Many of us are trained form birth to be people pleasers and to put others' needs first.

he has had extensive therapy. I warmed to him on that documentary. He should know far better than to pull stunts like this. These aren't boundaries: boundaries protect us from the unsafe behaviour of others. A woman going about her professional life should not be unsafe to her partner. These are controlling demands thinly disguised in therapy-speak.

Show quote history

When was she "unsafe"?

OldBeller · 11/07/2023 15:10

onefinemess · 11/07/2023 15:08

Because all he is doing is telling her his boundaries.

So if a wife thinks her husband is working too much, and she wants to see more of him so asks him to cut his hours, she's also abusive?

I mean, she'd be telling him what to do wouldn't she?

Or do you subscribe to the double standards of "man bad, woman good"?

He was not abusive in the least and I find it really offensive that women are casually throwing the word around and applying it to anything a man says or does that they don't agree with. It diminishes the sufferers of real abuse.

Show quote history

I am a sufferer of 'real' abuse.

onefinemess · 11/07/2023 15:12

OldBeller · 11/07/2023 15:10

I am a sufferer of 'real' abuse.

Show quote history

And?

I'm sorry for you history, but you can't use it as an excuse to label all men abusers just because they stated they boundaries.

Hugasauras · 11/07/2023 15:12

Those are not boundaries. Boundaries are not requirements of your partner to change behaviour that you are fully aware of when you enter a relationship. One of them is not to model, when that was her job. That's not a boundary of his, that's a request of someone else to change their behaviour, even though it's behaviour he was aware of.

Hugasauras · 11/07/2023 15:13

I saw this tweet somewhere, which I think sums it up nicely:

Hugasauras · 11/07/2023 15:13

"Jonah Hill is a great example of that old saying, give a man some therapy, and you heal him for a day; teach a man therapy words and you feed his manipulation for a lifetime.”

NeverThatSerious · 11/07/2023 15:14

I’m quite surprised at how many people think that one person in a relationship attempting to control what the other wears, who they speak to, isolate them from their friendships and change how they carry out their job is ‘setting boundaries’ rather than just simply controlling and abusive.

onefinemess · 11/07/2023 15:15

Hugasauras · 11/07/2023 15:12

Those are not boundaries. Boundaries are not requirements of your partner to change behaviour that you are fully aware of when you enter a relationship. One of them is not to model, when that was her job. That's not a boundary of his, that's a request of someone else to change their behaviour, even though it's behaviour he was aware of.

So, if your partner works away a lot when you first meet them, you can't ever ask them to change that as the relationship progresses?

Abuse isn't asking someone to stop doing something.

onefinemess · 11/07/2023 15:15

Hugasauras · 11/07/2023 15:13

"Jonah Hill is a great example of that old saying, give a man some therapy, and you heal him for a day; teach a man therapy words and you feed his manipulation for a lifetime.”

That's not an "old saying".

Hugasauras · 11/07/2023 15:15

Yes, he's literally saying that she cannot do her job (model) or continue with her career at that point (she was a surfer, posting pics of her in swimwear kinda goes with the territory). How is that a 'boundary'? Who enters a relationship and feels the need to issue written staements about what their partner is and isn't allowed to do to remain their partner?

MostlyBlueberryFlavoured · 11/07/2023 15:17

2PintsOfCidernaBagofCrisps · 11/07/2023 14:25

I recommend looking up "houseinhabit" on Instagram; she does independent journalism and has the screenshots that show the other side of this conversation. I'm not saying JH is squeaky clean but Sarah Brady also really isn't the victim she is making herself out to be. She has admitted that she waited until his fiance had the baby to release this stuff for maximum impact and upset. From having looked at the whole picture, she comes across as a bitter ex who is annoyed that her ex moved on quickly. People all over the world experiencing breakups, have unhappy text message exchanges, often. Normal people don't save them for over a year and release biased parts of them strategically to cause damage.

How to tell us you're a misogynist without saying you're a misogynist 🤷‍♀️