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Original poster

18 and pregnant?

153 replies

LEDshreddies · 10/07/2023 14:02

Hey, so I might be in a very difficult situation. I was wondering about your experiences of being pregnant at 18 or similar age?? I don't want to give too many details, but I'm 18, and I think I might be pregnant. I don't live with my parents, and my boyfriends 17 and lives with his mum. Very bad situation for this to happen (possibly) I know. I'm not actually due on my period for another 2 or 3 days, but I have a strong feeling I might be. I stupidly sort of assumed I might be infertile as my mum has pcos, I have some symptoms of that but never been told if I have or not, and we never use a condom but he normally pulls out and nothings ever happened so we got stupid and he started erm not pulling out. I almost started thinking maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I was, but now I've been having pregnancy symptoms I'm regretting everything. I don't know what he would do, I think he would stay but he would want me to get an abortion as we're obviously not in the best situation and still so young. We've been together for over 6 months which I know isn't an amazing amount of time but we are inseparable, we're together almost every day and now he's started working we spend every weekend from Friday evening when he finishes to Sunday evening when he has to go back to his for work in the morning together, and when I go to college in September we were planning for me to stay at his throughout the week as well as this is what we would do most of the time before he was working anyway. It's a very strong relationship but obviously we're still quite immature and I love that we can be our silly selves together. I know a baby would change everything, and I'm not sure I want to lose this. Thank you x

OP posts:
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Original poster
LEDshreddies · 10/07/2023 14:11

Sorry I know it's really long, just a bit nervous. :( I know it's my fault

OP posts:
bumblebee2235 · 10/07/2023 14:12

I think you can do those 6 day early test now :) but someone else will correct me if wrong. I think you need to think what you really want to do first, then work on what support you will need depending on decision. I would find out for sure before approaching your boyfriend as not sure you can predict his reaction.. you sound a bit scared so feel you need to gather yourself and your wants before anyone tries to coerce you into either action.

cocksstrideintheevening · 10/07/2023 14:14

Go and get a test then you know what you are dealing with. You've been having unprotected sex so of course could be pregnant.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy
Original poster
LEDshreddies · 10/07/2023 14:17

bumblebee2235 · 10/07/2023 14:12

I think you can do those 6 day early test now :) but someone else will correct me if wrong. I think you need to think what you really want to do first, then work on what support you will need depending on decision. I would find out for sure before approaching your boyfriend as not sure you can predict his reaction.. you sound a bit scared so feel you need to gather yourself and your wants before anyone tries to coerce you into either action.

Thank you for replying already this is the only test I have at mine rn can I use this yet? I'm definitely not going to say anything about thinking I am or anything until I know for sure but I'm so nervous about what if I am now do I tell him? And also if I'm not then I am clearly infertile like my mum because now I'm thinking about it id be more surprised if I'm not than if I am.

18 and pregnant?
OP posts:
Whadda · 10/07/2023 14:21

Your mother wasn’t infertile. She had you.

Original poster
LEDshreddies · 10/07/2023 14:22

Whadda · 10/07/2023 14:21

Your mother wasn’t infertile. She had you.

She tried for 5 years and eventually had IVF

OP posts:
quietnightmare · 10/07/2023 14:27

As PP said find out for sure first and get your head together.

Having a baby is not easy at any age but that doesn't mean you wouldn't be a great mother at 18.

You must do what you want and what you feel is best for you. If you chose to terminate then that is your choice and holds no shame.

What I will say though is if your big enough to have sex then your big enough to be responsible enough to take precautions.

Whatever the outcome is please just learn from this and sort out a birth control that is right for you.

Beezknees · 10/07/2023 14:29

Hi OP. I was 17 when I got pregnant and had the baby 2 months after my 18th birthday. I was on benefits for a while then I got a job.

It was not easy. My relationship with my boyfriend did not last and I ended up a single mum pretty quickly.

Original poster
LEDshreddies · 10/07/2023 14:31

Beezknees · 10/07/2023 14:29

Hi OP. I was 17 when I got pregnant and had the baby 2 months after my 18th birthday. I was on benefits for a while then I got a job.

It was not easy. My relationship with my boyfriend did not last and I ended up a single mum pretty quickly.

This is what I'm most scared about. The idea of having a baby WITH my boyfriend, like raising them together just family life is lovely but I'm terrified he'd leave because he doesn't want to deal with it which is understandable as he's obviously still young younger than me, and I'm not sure I'd choose having a baby right now, alone over being with him just us two, because I know everyone says it but I really don't see us breaking up definitely not anytime in the future.

OP posts:
Original poster
LEDshreddies · 10/07/2023 14:33

quietnightmare · 10/07/2023 14:27

As PP said find out for sure first and get your head together.

Having a baby is not easy at any age but that doesn't mean you wouldn't be a great mother at 18.

You must do what you want and what you feel is best for you. If you chose to terminate then that is your choice and holds no shame.

What I will say though is if your big enough to have sex then your big enough to be responsible enough to take precautions.

Whatever the outcome is please just learn from this and sort out a birth control that is right for you.

Thank you I think I would be a good mother but I wouldn't want to do it alone. If I'm not pregnant this time I'm definitely going to sort out birth control. I should've done it sooner but my friend was on the pill and it made her gain weight and caused her to be very depressed and I'm scared of that happening to me.

OP posts:
IHadTheLasagne · 10/07/2023 14:36

Don't panic yet, it might be a false alarm.Even if you get a positive result, you have options.

nodogz · 10/07/2023 14:36

If you're pregnant (and you probably are) you won't be the first and you won't be the last.

It's really not the end of the world to have a baby at 18. You may up a single parent but again that's not the end of the world either.

How are you feeling? A bit excited? Or completely in dread? Take away what you think you "should" be thinking. Both are fine. Babies are really lovely if you want one. I wouldn't advise anyone to have a baby if they were ambivalent though

My best friend had a baby young and was a fantastic mum. However I know I'd have hated it, I needed to be in my 30s to be a (good) mum.

CatMattress · 10/07/2023 14:37

LEDshreddies · 10/07/2023 14:33

Thank you I think I would be a good mother but I wouldn't want to do it alone. If I'm not pregnant this time I'm definitely going to sort out birth control. I should've done it sooner but my friend was on the pill and it made her gain weight and caused her to be very depressed and I'm scared of that happening to me.

Show quote history

Hormonal birth control can do that to some women. There's lots of different options. But condoms, used properly, are very effective. Am late 30s noe and have never got unintentionally pregnant when using condoms and no side effects. Can recommend. Unlike pregnancy, which is not fun and the side effects are permanent and life changing, even when self petambulating... <rolls eyes at the mess left in the sitting room by her children over the weekend>

singJoanna · 10/07/2023 14:40

You need to find out for sure first. Nobody can tell you if your boyfriend will stick around or not. If you decide to have the baby and he leaves he will still have to support you.
I got pregnant at 19 and had my son at 20 while I was single, not going to lie it's hard work. I was on benefits for the first two years and then went back to work. I don't regret my decision to go ahead, it would have been easier if I'd had more support/money but on a positive note those first years are precious and for the most part were the happiest years of my life.
Once you know for sure, have a look at what support would be available for you.
Good luck :)

Thesearmsofmine · 10/07/2023 14:43

You have basically been trying to conceive a baby given that you have both chosen to not use any protection. You need to take a test and go from there, it doesn’t sound like a great situation to bring a baby into. Also if the test is negative that would not mean you are infertile.

Original poster
LEDshreddies · 10/07/2023 14:43

nodogz · 10/07/2023 14:36

If you're pregnant (and you probably are) you won't be the first and you won't be the last.

It's really not the end of the world to have a baby at 18. You may up a single parent but again that's not the end of the world either.

How are you feeling? A bit excited? Or completely in dread? Take away what you think you "should" be thinking. Both are fine. Babies are really lovely if you want one. I wouldn't advise anyone to have a baby if they were ambivalent though

My best friend had a baby young and was a fantastic mum. However I know I'd have hated it, I needed to be in my 30s to be a (good) mum.

It does feel a bit like the end of the world if I was to become a single parent tbh. I know it's technically not but it's not something I really want to risk ?? His dad left him when he was young and I know how much that affected him so in some ways I think maybe he would stay even if just because of that but I also don't want him to feel trapped? I feel incredibly nervous but also a little bit excited which is really weird because I know this is a really bad situation. I just don't know what I'd actually do if I am.

OP posts:
CHDmumma · 10/07/2023 14:45

I became pregnant at 16 had my baby just shy of my 17th birthday, I worked full time back then but after baby arrived my relationship broke down & with the lack of help I had to give up my job until I found a childminder. Baby is now a teen lol and I never once regret my decision. But you have your own decision to make, its what you feel comfortable with, how you feel you would cope. You are the important one, Good luck my darling x

belle1993 · 10/07/2023 14:53

Just try not to worry about anything till you've took the test

No00 · 10/07/2023 15:05

I had my son when I was 17, moved out of home a few months later when I was 18. My partner and I split up a year later. Of course, it was never going to last with us being so young. Prepare to be on your own if you do go ahead. He never bothered with our son after we split up. I had to get the CMS (who are useless by the way) to get a deduction from earnings order put on his wages as he refused to pay anything. This took YEARS to put in place.
I always worked but everyone was left to me, childcare is so expensive, rent, bills all my wages disappeared as soon as I got them. I got into debt trying to keep my head above water. I never had any spare cash for any treats for myself, couldnt just walk into a shop and buy something. Took me years to get out of debt. Never had any money, never went out. Never able to take my son on holiday. I missed out on so much, things that all my friends were doing.
Don't get me wrong, I adore my son and I gave him the best life I could and spent all my time with him and he had everything he needed. Our days out were free or cheap but fun, he has great memories of these and we have a great relationship now. But I was still a child, still growing up myself. It was very, very hard and I'm sorry but I would never recommend having a child so young.
I have a great job now, lovely house, car, holidays....but didn't get all that until my mid 30s. My advise is get all that stuff in place before you bring a child into the world.
Good luck whatever you choose to do.

Elsiebear90 · 10/07/2023 15:13

Honestly, if I was in this situation I would have an abortion, you’re both very young and haven’t been together very long, you are still in education, it’s extremely likely you will end up a single mum and miss out on so much. If you want to keep the baby then of course do so, but just be realistic about what life will be like rather than thinking you’re going to be playing happy families, it will be very very hard and you will sacrifice a lot.

TallulahBetty · 10/07/2023 15:16

Find out for sure, and then remember you have options. And get on contraception.

ABugWife · 10/07/2023 15:27

I got pregnant at 18, I was diagnosed with PCOS and told I would struggle to conceive naturally so I was lax with contraception.

I had DS and at times it was so hard, sometimes it was so rewarding but you just get through it one way or another. My DS is 18 now.

You do have options though, even if you are pregnant you don't have to have a baby. Give yourself time and space to think about what you want.

Katela18 · 10/07/2023 15:36

Elsiebear90 · 10/07/2023 15:13

Honestly, if I was in this situation I would have an abortion, you’re both very young and haven’t been together very long, you are still in education, it’s extremely likely you will end up a single mum and miss out on so much. If you want to keep the baby then of course do so, but just be realistic about what life will be like rather than thinking you’re going to be playing happy families, it will be very very hard and you will sacrifice a lot.

This.

The idea of you and your boyfriend having a baby might sound lovely but honestly that's not the reality.

6 months really isn't a long relationship. And he lives at home so you haven't faced the stresses of running a house in times where there is a cost of living crisis and having a baby too. I had my first baby with my husband of 4 years, and at times it was so stressful we struggled with our relationship. We were in our late 20s and financially stable but the lack of sleep and monotony of a baby really is hard on a relationship at the best of times. Appreciate it happens but I would be gutted if my daughter fell pregnant in her teens. I just wouldn't want her to go about it in such a difficult way.

If you aren't, you need to be more serious about contraception. There are lots of non hormonal options like the copper coil, or condoms have worked for us for the last 7 years, I've only fallen pregnant when trying

Best of luck x

12RedRoses · 10/07/2023 15:39

Do the test, then go and get a specific early one and keep testing until you period shows up or not. PCOS isn’t hereditary like that and with regular periods unlikely. If you are pregnant then go and get some advice from a pregnancy service and if not assume you are very fertile at your age.

AllOfThemWitches · 10/07/2023 15:39

I had a baby at 17 , it was fucking hard and I wouldn't recommend it although that baby is 17 now and an absolute delight.