Page 9 | Reported DS to the police and worrying I’ve made a huge mistake.

Whatayear23 · 2023-07-10T02:41:47+00:00

I found a large amount of cannabis on my DS today. Way too much for personal use. I reported it to to the police. I feel terrible and worry that I’ve done the wrong thing. But I don’t know what else to do. It’s a really long story but a month ago I had to leave our property with my DCs on advice of the police for our safety due to a video circulating online with our address attached and instructions for retaliation. DS would not give any names of any people involved. we came home after a week when the police deemed it safe. DS has received multiple threats of violence and death. And we have had target hardening measures and letterbox protectors installed. He has been extremely anxious since and is completely convinced that he will be stabbed by these people threatening him who he claims not to know. Won’t give any names to either me or the police. DS hadn’t been able to leave the house since, and on the one time he did 2 weeks ago (I left him at my sisters) he had 2 men in balaclavas coming in a car for him, he managed to get inside my sisters house. They were angry and came back 3 times apparently. I looked through his phone and it appears that a ‘friend’ had asked him for his whereabouts just before. DS said that it was probably coincidence but seems terrified. He has 2 friends that he has known since around Christmas time who I have never met and he is very secretive about. He started skipping school a lot around the same time that he met them. I believe they are slightly older than him. He hadn’t left the house since the incident with the men in balaclavas until Friday evening when a ‘friend’ convinced him to go see him in a taxi. He went and was extremely anxious and nervous beforehand. Today he then went to meet someone and was gone for an hour or two. He seemed distressed and anxious when he got home so I checked his pockets and found the cannabis. I told him that I would give it back to him tomorrow but that I wouldn’t be allowing him to bring it into my house, and didn’t mention the amount. I have contacted the police for advice, and am now worried that I’ve made a huge mistake. I am really worried that he may be being groomed. He is autistic and very naive. I don’t even know when the police will come.

Ep1cfail · 10/07/2023 12:50

You need to report it to the police. Your son is 16, autistic and being exploited. They should do an NRM (National referral mechanism) because he is being exploited.

LittleBrenda · 10/07/2023 12:52

You need to report it to the police.

What do you mean?

Ep1cfail · 10/07/2023 12:56

Contact the police and tell them your child is being exploited to hold drugs by unknown people. Explain he is 16, has autism and is being exploited. They have a duty to do an NRM and safeguard your child.

tattygrl · 10/07/2023 13:00

Your son is a vulnerable person and is almost certainly being exploited here. I'm stunned (although also somehow not that surprised) by the lack of help you're getting from the authorities here. Keep pushing, OP. You have to persist in telling the police, the social, school, everyone. Don't take the first couple of attempts as conclusive. Keep going. Don't stop. They need to listen to you.

Cubsandmiel · 10/07/2023 13:01

FUCKING LISTEN

Right, you son is disabled. He has autism. And he MAY have an EHCP, in which case you can call an early review and focus on the social care aspect of the provision which should include a full assessment of his needs including his social vulnerability. And you are eligible for a carers assessment in your own right.

The social worker needs her arse handed to her on a fucking platter as she clearly has no idea of her legal duties. TELL her that he is a “Child in Need”, this is his legal status and you will be raising hell if they don’t act accordingly.

PLEASE contact Ipsea or SOSSEN for more help.

Irunoncoffeemascaraandhighheels · 10/07/2023 13:03

Whatayear23 · 10/07/2023 12:01

I’ve got a social worker here now who is saying that unless that if the manager says no to a decision to her then that’s just how it is.

I said that surely it was mandatory to follow their policies. She said she didn’t know. So I asked for the managers email and she said that I can just email her and she will pass it on.
No! I want the email myself.
She’s gone upstairs to speak to DS now.

I’ll find out the email some other way once she’s gone.

I’m really annoyed today.

You don't need the email for the manager, you need to find your councils complaints procedure policy and raise a complaint if social worker isn't complying with the law. It's not a quick solution though and unless you're willing/able to go as far as taking them to court you may get nowhere. All you can do is try.

tattygrl · 10/07/2023 13:10

Cubsandmiel · 10/07/2023 13:01

FUCKING LISTEN

Right, you son is disabled. He has autism. And he MAY have an EHCP, in which case you can call an early review and focus on the social care aspect of the provision which should include a full assessment of his needs including his social vulnerability. And you are eligible for a carers assessment in your own right.

The social worker needs her arse handed to her on a fucking platter as she clearly has no idea of her legal duties. TELL her that he is a “Child in Need”, this is his legal status and you will be raising hell if they don’t act accordingly.

PLEASE contact Ipsea or SOSSEN for more help.

This

Tooyoungtofeelthisold · 10/07/2023 13:32

Social services have supported living houses that they send teenagers to that are at risk, or have been victims of county lines.
They don't like to do it because it's ££££ but, there are provisions.

I hope that SS align your son with them.

ElEmEnOhPee · 10/07/2023 13:37

Paul2023 · 10/07/2023 11:55

Your son must tell you the names and the whole truth. He’s brought this situation to your family.
Hes in a mess but the only way out of it is to tell the police everything. He owes that’s to his family.
The police won’t do much if they don’t have names. He needs to help them help him.

No HE hasn't brought this situation to the family, he is a CHILD, this is on the gangs and even if the OPs DS has behaved in a crappy way at times he deserves compassion, care and support. He is a victim in this.

nobodysdaughternow · 10/07/2023 13:41

If your son won't tell you the truth, then both you and the SW will be unlikely to keep him - or you - safe.

I have 3 autistic sons who are slaves to rules. You must tell your ds that unless he tells you the truth, he has to leave.

You haven't a clue what you're dealing with here. If it's county lines, they pick kids who spend a lots of time outside their homes without anyone noticing. Generally neglected kids or kids with parents who have lost parental control.

Has he recently been given a e-scooter or been on any train trips? Has he been away for nights? Is his phone one you bought for him or has it been given to him? Does he have two phones?

The fact he burnt a cigarette on the Qur'an is really worrying. Was it done to separate him from his friends?

You don't know anything about your son and he is bringing a whole heap of shit to your door. By not talking to you he is putting his whole family in danger.

Do not let him go to your sister's house - if it's got to the men in balaclavas stage then you need to take action now.

Original poster

Whatayear23 · 10/07/2023 13:54

Are there any organisations that work with adults with autism that may possibly be able to assist? I am autistic (we all are).
I was wondering if it may be worth having someone as an advocate or something? As I do sometimes struggle to push for things or get my point across.

I am not ignoring all the replies btw. Looking through them all now :)

Thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

Whatayear23 · 10/07/2023 13:57

@nobodysdaughternow no train trips, no e scooter.
His phone is one that was bought by me. He has never stayed away overnight.

OP posts:

tattygrl · 10/07/2023 13:59

Have you used the phrase "county lines" in your talks with police and social workers, OP? I recommend you do. Social and the police should be seeing an absolute ocean of red flags in this situation and it's utterly appalling that they're acting so minimally.

tattygrl · 10/07/2023 14:01

Also OP, I recommend phoning the National Autistic Society to find out about advocacy services for you and your family in this situation, as you are all vulnerable and in danger. I'm autistic and I've spoken to NAS on the phone before; they were lovely and very very helpful.

Blossomed · 10/07/2023 14:01

I’m so sorry you are going through this. There are contact numbers, including the Children’s and Families contact service in this leaflet. I hope you get the support you need ❤https://cscp.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/4206.1-County-lines-leaflet-final-web.pdf

https://cscp.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/4206.1-County-lines-leaflet-final-web.pdf

Cubsandmiel · 10/07/2023 14:02

Mencap may help you advocate for yourself.

But you’re entitled to a carer’s assessment also.

PLEASE PLEASE lean all over social services and keep using the phrase CHILD IN NEED as it has a legal status. Keep saying it.

Cubsandmiel · 10/07/2023 14:03

tattygrl · 10/07/2023 14:01

Also OP, I recommend phoning the National Autistic Society to find out about advocacy services for you and your family in this situation, as you are all vulnerable and in danger. I'm autistic and I've spoken to NAS on the phone before; they were lovely and very very helpful.

^^ This.

FindingMeno · 10/07/2023 14:13

Handholdplease85 · 10/07/2023 05:32

I cannot believe the posters saying this is nothing to be worried about. The drugs in and of themselves, perhaps it’s no big deal. If your entire story was “my son has some weed on him, shall I report him to the police” then I would say you’re being overdramatic. But I’m the context of everything else you’ve said then the weed is indeed very worrying because it implies these older “friends” who have convinced him to behave in odd ways (eg Quaran cigarette thing) and the threats and guys in balaclavas are tied up in drugs. The fact your DS is being so secretive suggests they have got him to carry drugs that are intended to be sold on. You absolutely should involve the police but you need to direct the narrative here. It’s not “please come and talk to my son because I’ve found a load of weed on him” it’s “my son is autistic and has been behaving out of character since meeting two older men a few months ago. I am concerned about safeguarding and county lines. We already have men following us and making violent threats and now I’ve found cannabis which I don’t believe my son uses personally.”

You need to get out of the area and keep on at the police. Take your sons phone off him immediately. This is madness.

I agree with this.
I'm afraid I have serious trust issues with the police, but now you have contacted them you must use it as an opportunity to try to protect your son.

WhoToBeToday · 10/07/2023 18:32

Handholdplease85 · 10/07/2023 05:32

I cannot believe the posters saying this is nothing to be worried about. The drugs in and of themselves, perhaps it’s no big deal. If your entire story was “my son has some weed on him, shall I report him to the police” then I would say you’re being overdramatic. But I’m the context of everything else you’ve said then the weed is indeed very worrying because it implies these older “friends” who have convinced him to behave in odd ways (eg Quaran cigarette thing) and the threats and guys in balaclavas are tied up in drugs. The fact your DS is being so secretive suggests they have got him to carry drugs that are intended to be sold on. You absolutely should involve the police but you need to direct the narrative here. It’s not “please come and talk to my son because I’ve found a load of weed on him” it’s “my son is autistic and has been behaving out of character since meeting two older men a few months ago. I am concerned about safeguarding and county lines. We already have men following us and making violent threats and now I’ve found cannabis which I don’t believe my son uses personally.”

You need to get out of the area and keep on at the police. Take your sons phone off him immediately. This is madness.

Another one saying this. Also, is he still at school? If so, contact them as well.

Northernsouloldies · 10/07/2023 18:54

Binning the weed was not wise, you've no idea who the supplier is and capable of. Sending your son away may not help as the dealers will hold you responsible for the debt and don't think this doesn't happen because it does. Aberdeen, shire this did happen in the 90s 2000s crack, cocaine, heroin debts. It still happens now.

Pinkprescription · 10/07/2023 19:45

Tooyoungtofeelthisold · 10/07/2023 13:32

Social services have supported living houses that they send teenagers to that are at risk, or have been victims of county lines.
They don't like to do it because it's ££££ but, there are provisions.

I hope that SS align your son with them.

They do indeed. They are not mentioned often due to the cost but these do exist.
My local council has a SAFE team who are able to work with youngsters being exploited.

Paul2023 · 10/07/2023 21:41

ElEmEnOhPee · 10/07/2023 13:37

No HE hasn't brought this situation to the family, he is a CHILD, this is on the gangs and even if the OPs DS has behaved in a crappy way at times he deserves compassion, care and support. He is a victim in this.

Show quote history

Well I was 16 and joined the Armed Forces, so technically I was a child , but made my own choices and took responsibility.

His family is in danger for fucks sake aswell as him.

I simply said the police won’t or can’t do much at all because they don’t know who the gang is if the some doesn’t name them.

Surely the 16 year old son needs to realise

Repeated again, at 16 I joined the Forces.

Yes he did bring this onto his family, he made those choices whether you say so or not.

Batalax · 10/07/2023 22:24

Google
county lines alfies story
There are 4 parts

Watch it with your ds and see if he opens up to you about his situation. It’s a very powerful true life story that shows how a youngster was gradually enmeshed and couldn’t see a way out. I think it could really help him see his situation for what it is, and get him to open up to you.

tunbridgeoutrage · 11/07/2023 16:21

Zanatdy · 10/07/2023 08:16

You need to move asap OP, he needs to dispose of the phone (or hand to police) and never use his real name on social media etc again, nor contact any of these so called friends again. As you know this is serious stuff and you need to get him out of there now before something terrible happens.

to the poster who think this is all a bit OTT - are you insane?

People who think this is OTT don't understand that some of the violence they are always hearing about in the news is related to this stuff. It's really scary.

Annaishere · 11/07/2023 19:48

tunbridgeoutrage · 11/07/2023 16:21

People who think this is OTT don't understand that some of the violence they are always hearing about in the news is related to this stuff. It's really scary.

Show quote history

I just think if he pays what he owes and quits no one’s going to come after him over that