Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Reported DS to the police and worrying I’ve made a huge mistake.

232 replies

Whatayear23 · 10/07/2023 03:41

I found a large amount of cannabis on my DS today. Way too much for personal use.
I reported it to to the police.

I feel terrible and worry that I’ve done the wrong thing. But I don’t know what else to do.

It’s a really long story but a month ago I had to leave our property with my DCs on advice of the police for our safety due to a video circulating online with our address attached and instructions for retaliation. DS would not give any names of any people involved.

we came home after a week when the police deemed it safe.

DS has received multiple threats of violence and death. And we have had target hardening measures and letterbox protectors installed.

He has been extremely anxious since and is completely convinced that he will be stabbed by these people threatening him who he claims not to know. Won’t give any names to either me or the police.

DS hadn’t been able to leave the house since, and on the one time he did 2 weeks ago (I left him at my sisters) he had 2 men in balaclavas coming in a car for him, he managed to get inside my sisters house. They were angry and came back 3 times apparently. I looked through his phone and it appears that a ‘friend’ had asked him for his whereabouts just before. DS said that it was probably coincidence but seems terrified.

He has 2 friends that he has known since around Christmas time who I have never met and he is very secretive about. He started skipping school a lot around the same time that he met them. I believe they are slightly older than him.

He hadn’t left the house since the incident with the men in balaclavas until Friday evening when a ‘friend’ convinced him to go see him in a taxi. He went and was extremely anxious and nervous beforehand.
Today he then went to meet someone and was gone for an hour or two. He seemed distressed and anxious when he got home so I checked his pockets and found the cannabis.

I told him that I would give it back to him tomorrow but that I wouldn’t be allowing him to bring it into my house, and didn’t mention the amount.

I have contacted the police for advice, and am now worried that I’ve made a huge mistake.

I am really worried that he may be being groomed. He is autistic and very naive.

I don’t even know when the police will come.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Original poster
Whatayear23 · 10/07/2023 04:44

@whataballbag i completely agree. Which is why I asked children’s services to move him.

OP posts:
theresalwaysguineapigcurry · 10/07/2023 04:48

OP this sounds very scary. I would just keep on at the police to offer you some protection. They went and kept someone on my friends place when she got some creepy messages from an ex client. Have you got any family he can go and stay with? Does he want to stop being involved in this life? The trouble is that gangs offer an easy, transactional way to make friends, and he may find similar acquaintances elsewhere.

Resento · 10/07/2023 04:55

You are his mum and you need to do more.
Either he is autistic, naive and therefore doesn't know what he is doing. Or he is NT and has fallen into the wrong crowd.

Either way, YOU need to all move. Protect your child. Stop waiting to be rehoused and do it yourself.

Are you waiting for him to be stabbed or something?

GnomeDePlume · 10/07/2023 04:56

My guess would be that this is drug related. I will caveat this by saying I have no direct experience.

From what I have read, a young person will be convinced to carry drugs - deliver them somewhere. Maybe it is fine for the first couple of times.

At some point it goes wrong, young person gets 'mugged' and delivery 'stolen'. This is a setup by the supplier. Now the young person owes the supplier for the 'stolen' drugs and has a debt to pay which can only be paid off by delivering more drugs.

It sounds like your DS has been setup. He has been isolated from his real friends by these new 'friends'.

MarieG10 · 10/07/2023 04:59

Freefall212 · 10/07/2023 03:47

Did you tell the police the whole story?

It seems he is a young kid being used by a larger network to sell drugs. He could be in danger and the police will be more interested in getting the bigger more powerful players.

Really? And what makes you think that?

Alstoybarn · 10/07/2023 05:05

Personally I think you've done the wrong thing. It's weed not heroin and if its an amount that fits in his pocket it really isn't alot. Balaclavas aside it's youngsters being dicks and bullies. That aside I live in an extremely rough area so maybe my judgement is skewed. I do hope everything works out though.

skypink · 10/07/2023 05:08

This sounds incredibly scary. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Do you think its possible to get him to tell you (at least some form of) the truth?

When you say a large quantity of cannabis, how much do you mean? If you found it in his pockets I'm not sure how much it could be? Could he be stocking up his stash for personal use as he isn't leaving the house much?

I personally wouldn't be telling the police about the full amount. He needs help not punishment.

I think it seems perhaps you all need to move OP. This is awful for you.

Original poster
Whatayear23 · 10/07/2023 05:09

Police just rang and said they can’t make an appointment to collect the drugs till Tuesday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatayear23 · 10/07/2023 05:12

Well he had no money to buy any drugs and he seems very distressed.
I’m not sure I have done the right thing myself. But I don’t know what to do at all.

OP posts:
bibbotybobbityboo · 10/07/2023 05:16

OP. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Hang out here for a bit more advice in the morning when more people are awake.

pilates · 10/07/2023 05:18

Have you mentioned county lines to the police as that’s what it sounds like. He is in debt to them and it’s very hard to get out of. I’m sure social services will step in and move him out of the area. I would be on the phone constantly until something is done.

romdowa · 10/07/2023 05:19

You need to pack a bag and leave. If these people are really watching your house then what is going to happen when they see the police arrive? You also need to convince your son to talk , you need to know what's going on. Have you other children in the house?

pilates · 10/07/2023 05:20

Has he had new trainers or clothes bought for him? And they are certainly not his ‘friends’.

Pawpatrolsucks · 10/07/2023 05:20

What happens if he gets charged and can’t leave the area?

Alstoybarn · 10/07/2023 05:23

People give lower sellers so much, without a fee on the terms by x date they get y amount. So you don't neccisarily need money. They get their fee and the runner makes a little on top. Honestly I appriciate your worry. I have teen boys one with asd and this really isn't something I'd worry about massively. I really wouldn't have rang the police on my own son though personally. Ime it's something they grow out of. My partner is a police constable and I can assure you they have much bigger fish to fry than chasing teen boys dabbling in weed. Drugs are bad yes but this is the very very low end of the spectrum and talking of moving homes etc seems ridiculous to me. It's intimidation to project their social status in a poll of novices and it's working. Your sons OK. Support him don't out him. It's a plant.

Alstoybarn · 10/07/2023 05:32

I literally only opened this to see how long it took for someone to say county lines. It's the new get your ducks in a row 😂jesus he's a normal teen lad making a bit silly mistakes and will grow out of it. This really isn't a mafia situation. I'd honestly cancel that appointment. Your only going to solidify that your against him and he won't approach or trust you if he needs someone.

Handholdplease85 · 10/07/2023 05:32

I cannot believe the posters saying this is nothing to be worried about. The drugs in and of themselves, perhaps it’s no big deal. If your entire story was “my son has some weed on him, shall I report him to the police” then I would say you’re being overdramatic. But I’m the context of everything else you’ve said then the weed is indeed very worrying because it implies these older “friends” who have convinced him to behave in odd ways (eg Quaran cigarette thing) and the threats and guys in balaclavas are tied up in drugs. The fact your DS is being so secretive suggests they have got him to carry drugs that are intended to be sold on. You absolutely should involve the police but you need to direct the narrative here. It’s not “please come and talk to my son because I’ve found a load of weed on him” it’s “my son is autistic and has been behaving out of character since meeting two older men a few months ago. I am concerned about safeguarding and county lines. We already have men following us and making violent threats and now I’ve found cannabis which I don’t believe my son uses personally.”

You need to get out of the area and keep on at the police. Take your sons phone off him immediately. This is madness.

Handholdplease85 · 10/07/2023 05:33

@Alstoybarn did you miss the bit about people in balaclavas following and threatening the family? Would you be happy for your teenage son to be experiencing that?

Annaishere · 10/07/2023 05:40

The police won’t do anything and even if they arrested one person another one would seek vengeance

Bigminnie1 · 10/07/2023 05:40

Alstoybarn · 10/07/2023 05:32

I literally only opened this to see how long it took for someone to say county lines. It's the new get your ducks in a row 😂jesus he's a normal teen lad making a bit silly mistakes and will grow out of it. This really isn't a mafia situation. I'd honestly cancel that appointment. Your only going to solidify that your against him and he won't approach or trust you if he needs someone.

Have you actually read the OP's posts?

marmaladeslade · 10/07/2023 05:42

I wouldn't throw the drugs and I would cancel the police. Go on holiday for a while if needs be, but don't chuck your son out with the drug drama.

honeyandfizz · 10/07/2023 05:43

OP are you in the UK? The police rang at 5am?

Straightsidedcircle · 10/07/2023 05:44

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

smilesup · 10/07/2023 05:49

Frogger8395 · 10/07/2023 04:34

Im suspicious about the video story. How strange someone would be driving past at that exact moment.I think it’s more likely he told someone you were going to the house.

Id be furious and I’d want him gone. What he’s doing isnt ok.

You would kick out a vulnerable young man who is almost certainly being used in county lines? He needs help he had been targeted and used and they are blackmailing him. Personally I would move the whole family. There is a real possibility that he will be hurt or worse or they will target the house. I have an autistic 17 year old and can easily imagine him being targeted by such bastards.