Reported DS to the police and worrying I’ve made a huge mistake.

[Whatayear23]

I found a large amount of cannabis on my DS today. Way too much for personal use.
I reported it to to the police.

I feel terrible and worry that I’ve done the wrong thing. But I don’t know what else to do.

It’s a really long story but a month ago I had to leave our property with my DCs on advice of the police for our safety due to a video circulating online with our address attached and instructions for retaliation. DS would not give any names of any people involved.

we came home after a week when the police deemed it safe.

DS has received multiple threats of violence and death. And we have had target hardening measures and letterbox protectors installed.

He has been extremely anxious since and is completely convinced that he will be stabbed by these people threatening him who he claims not to know. Won’t give any names to either me or the police.

DS hadn’t been able to leave the house since, and on the one time he did 2 weeks ago (I left him at my sisters) he had 2 men in balaclavas coming in a car for him, he managed to get inside my sisters house. They were angry and came back 3 times apparently. I looked through his phone and it appears that a ‘friend’ had asked him for his whereabouts just before. DS said that it was probably coincidence but seems terrified.

He has 2 friends that he has known since around Christmas time who I have never met and he is very secretive about. He started skipping school a lot around the same time that he met them. I believe they are slightly older than him.

He hadn’t left the house since the incident with the men in balaclavas until Friday evening when a ‘friend’ convinced him to go see him in a taxi. He went and was extremely anxious and nervous beforehand.
Today he then went to meet someone and was gone for an hour or two. He seemed distressed and anxious when he got home so I checked his pockets and found the cannabis.

I told him that I would give it back to him tomorrow but that I wouldn’t be allowing him to bring it into my house, and didn’t mention the amount.

I have contacted the police for advice, and am now worried that I’ve made a huge mistake.

I am really worried that he may be being groomed. He is autistic and very naive.

I don’t even know when the police will come.

Sit ds down this morning and tell him he has to talk.
Ohhhh of course the only thing OP won’t have tried is just simply sitting him down and asking him. I’m sure she never thought of that.

I wish people would read the OP's posts. She has already said she doesn't have any family he can stay with and said what she's done to try to move away. Advising those two things isn't really helpful.

YOT referral often ends up in time out of school, socialising with other youth offenders. More than likely some of the other young people involved in this horrible situation are in YOT programs too.

It's a minefield trying to be 'helped' out of these situations.

Hence why moving is often best option. It's absolutely savage tbh.

I think you need to contact another council far far away, beg them to help out you in temp accommodation whilst you apply for housing and pack up and leave, nothing is worth what might happen if you stay where you are with your son. Just leave.

https://www.stgilestrust.org.uk/new-county-lines-support-service-will-offer-lifeline-across-england-and-wales/

Contact the above charity for further advice, signposting to other support.

I agree with others, he has been and is being groomed.

Police and Prevent Officer
Charity
MP
School
Social Services
CAB

He's 16 and autistic.

Delete all social media where possible
New phone and number
Can you engage in the practicalities of getting far away? Leaving your house and job, relocating, possibly abroad? Nevertheless, your DS will need help to navigate his future and learn how not to be manipulated again in the future.

I'm really sorry that you're going through this. I'm afraid that I haven't got anything to add to what PPs have said, but my heart aches for you. All I can say is just keep on making a noise...to the police, social services, school, your MP...anyone. It absolutely sounds like your ND son is being exploited. Have you been in contact with any charities? The NSPCC have a helpline.
https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/child-abuse-and-neglect/county-lines#article-top
There's also Barnardos.

You might also want to contact the Children Commissioner https://www.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk/

It doesn't matter how much you beg, you can't just apply to another LA for temporary housing unless you qualify.

There's a housing shortage.... how on earth do you expect to be re-housed? Maybe in 3 years time....

Hi OP,

My local HA has a very short waiting list (think days/weeks rather than months/years) and will accept applications from people outside of the area in "certain circumstances". I believe this would qualify you. We have a tiny, virtually non-existent Muslim community and no county lines.

Drop me a PM if you want and I'll pass you on the name of the HA and local council. I imagine most county councils in this area are the same.

I am aware, we have just been through it with DSS and GC through DV.

I'd say this is on par with that and with police help she should qualify.

I this situation, anything is worth trying.

There are protocols for domestic violence. Not so for county lines unfortunately. Any move would need to be supported by a multi agency team including police and social services. It would need to be agreed at service level. It wouldn't be easy.

Wtf?

It sounds children’s services are failing him here, they are underfunded and understaffed and there is huge discrepancy between local authorities, teams and individuals social workers. Social workers are sometimes looking to minimise intervention where they can because they literally don’t have capacity and younger children are often prioritised.

That said, there’s also frequent turnover at management level and lots of disagreement within children’s services about what can and should be done in cases like his, what you need is for someone in there for notice him and pay attention long enough to kick up a fuss about getting his needs met. If I were you I would call them again and again, send emails, put it in writing, escalate, ask to speak to your social workers team manager, then their manager, then the director of services. Ask to see your son’s case file, ask if it’s been updated, ask what contact there has been between SS and the police and health services, ask who is responsible for decision making for him and ask if they have seen his files. Make sure his name is coming up in meetings constantly, or he’ll fade into the background as they try to manage another crisis. Remain polite but persistent, be clear you understand resources are stretched but that you are desperately worried about your child and need intervention.

This.

It was awful hard work even with the protocols, I can't tell you how badly they were let down and the cost of keeping them safe.

But anything is worth trying as I said, and can open the door to getting more help in different areas.

Im not an expert or think I know everything, just trying to help a mum keep her child safe, that's all.

People are talking about relocating and the pressure SS is under as if the entire country is the SE and London. It's not.

My area does not have a shortage of social housing and we have an excess of rental properties to the point where rents are kept very low and are never above the LHA rate of housing benefit and most LL do not ask for a deposit or month's rent in advance.

I've also never waited more than a couple of days to have a SW assigned to us when I've reached out for help.

I've just finished reading a book about grooming. Honestly if I were you, I'd be sending him to live as far away as possible and not tell anyone where and totally change his phone and number and delete his social media for the time being. Its genuinely the only way right now to save him and stop this.

It's normal to have men in balaclavas trying to bundle your son into a car?! Wtf are you on about. None of this is remotely normal. If this were my son I would be moving across the country to get my child away from these people.

This is good advice. Also, is there a charity in the area that can offer legal advice and help with a pathway for you all.

The description OP gives of surveillance is very concerning.

Out of interest, whereabouts are you?

@pellegrina An ex-mining town in the NE. Obviously, the downside to all of this cheap property is that is cheap because unemployment is higher here than in more metropolitan areas and wages are lower. The only local jobs are pretty much in care or service and there are hardly any shops however since online shopping and WFH have exploded that has become less of an issue.

I wouldn’t minimise the Qu’uran thing either. Salman Rushdie anyone? The fact that his Muslim friends have disowned him and the video and your address have been put online “for retaliation“ is just as worrying as the county lines stuff. Moving far away, legally name-changing and cutting off all contact with everyone he knows seem like the minimum.

A friend of mine knows a family with a son with ASD who got in the same situation as yours but was a little older. He’s in prison now, there was no allowance made for him being so vulnerable and having been groomed. His Dad is in the police so can’t even visit him in case any other prisoners recognise him.

I. Think you are being naive , you’re soon us being groomed for selling drugs , do whatever you must and get your family if the area . Just leave ! If you claim you would pay for the drugs then just use that money instead to start elsewhere . Please do nit abs don your child as done idiot here suggested , he is vulnerable, sounds like you live in a bad area and he needs a safer car pace where he can have real friends who don’t think burning religious stuff is fun and don’t groom him to become a drug dealer

Have the police involved safeguarding in this case - not only does your son have health needs linked to his neurodivergence- he also is potentially being used/ targeted by these people.

If you believe he is being targeted/ bullied / used etc push for a safeguarding referral - if not you can refer yourself via children's social care - they should review this urgently and potentially undertake a strategy meeting. This will bring together the police, health and social care and they should take action to support and safeguard your son. In the meantime he is safer at home, have a strategy in place for safety and focus on his mental health needs. The rest can be dealt with later.

If this was one of my children, I'd be relocating us all. A long way away. He would have a basic phone with no apps and no way to contact anyone he knows now.

If he can't leave the house and you've had to move out for safety I can't imagine what life you have.

A fresh start is your only way out I think.