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Original poster

DD wants to back out of paid holiday

148 replies

Wildmoors · 30/06/2023 15:26

We are due to go to Greece next Wednesday.
My DD who has issues with an eating disorder and self esteem, (she is having therapy for this) and is now saying she doesn’t want to go because of her MH.
It was a holiday we planned together. Just the two of us
She is 18. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving her because of where she’s at. Don’t know what to do

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 30/06/2023 15:35

Does she have anyone else to keep an eye on her at home?
Does she often not want to follow through with plans because of her issues?

M340 · 30/06/2023 15:37

Oh what a pain. I know you're pushing it with time but do you have a friend you could transfer her ticket over to?

I know you don't want to leave her. She's an adult though, and if you still want to go you should.

TeenDivided · 30/06/2023 15:40

Stuff the she's an adult thing.

My DD is the same age with MH issues, no way could I go away and leave her at the moment.

Hope you get something worked out. Is she worried about eating out? Could you agree a strategy that would work for her?

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Families
Lesssugarketchup · 30/06/2023 15:42

How serious is her ED?

of you went alone, would you manage to enjoy of constantly worrying about her?

do you have travel insurance?

Changingplace · 30/06/2023 15:43

Could you change the date of the holiday without losing money? If you pushed it back you could maybe go ahead another time.

Lesssugarketchup · 30/06/2023 15:43

M340 · 30/06/2023 15:37

Oh what a pain. I know you're pushing it with time but do you have a friend you could transfer her ticket over to?

I know you don't want to leave her. She's an adult though, and if you still want to go you should.

seriously?

I am guessing you’re not a parent

Original poster
Wildmoors · 30/06/2023 15:44

I have travel insurance I wouldn’t feel comfortable going with anyone else and leaving.
I understand she is an adult but it’s not like leaving her with a broken arm.

OP posts:
Lesssugarketchup · 30/06/2023 15:45

If she’s worried about wearing summer clothes etc

what about saying that you will hire a car and the two of you can go off and find remote places and beaches off the beaten track?

mrsbyers · 30/06/2023 15:45

Wildmoors · 30/06/2023 15:44

I have travel insurance I wouldn’t feel comfortable going with anyone else and leaving.
I understand she is an adult but it’s not like leaving her with a broken arm.

I doubt very much your insurance would pay out as it’s just choice for her not to go versus medical admission etc

Lesssugarketchup · 30/06/2023 15:46

Wildmoors · 30/06/2023 15:44

I have travel insurance I wouldn’t feel comfortable going with anyone else and leaving.
I understand she is an adult but it’s not like leaving her with a broken arm.

This is a medical reason why you’re cancelling

so if she goes to gp - you would get a letter and then be able to claim under medical circumstances

PurplePear7 · 30/06/2023 15:46

18 is so young!

Would you be able to encourage her (gently!) to go away with you? It often does good to get away and have a change of scene for a bit. But if she is adamant then you’ll both have to cancel.

ItsNotRocketSalad · 30/06/2023 15:46

Does she tend to enjoy things once she's there, even if she was initially reluctant to go?

Lesssugarketchup · 30/06/2023 15:47

mrsbyers · 30/06/2023 15:45

I doubt very much your insurance would pay out as it’s just choice for her not to go versus medical admission etc

Show quote history

If diagnosed, it will be very straightforward.

It is a medics condition

and it is her medical condition deciding this. Not her

TeenDivided · 30/06/2023 15:48

Insurance won't pay for pre-existing condition unless declared upfront so if MH issues were there before I wouldn't hold out much hope.

2021 DH had to go on our holiday alone.

RampantIvy · 30/06/2023 15:49

Stuff the she's an adult thing.

I agree.
I get heartily sick of the "she's an adult" trope trotted out on here.

Just because you are an adultit doesn't mean that your mental health issues and eating disorders suddenly improve.

As a parent of an adult child you never stop worrying about your children, no matter how old they are. In this case the OP has every good reason to worry about leaving her daughter on her own. She won't enjoy her holiday.

@Wildmoors is there any way you can find out exactly what is worrying your daughter to prevent her from coming away with you?

Lesssugarketchup · 30/06/2023 15:50

TeenDivided · 30/06/2023 15:48

Insurance won't pay for pre-existing condition unless declared upfront so if MH issues were there before I wouldn't hold out much hope.

2021 DH had to go on our holiday alone.

Mine does. You have to declare it though. And say you aren’t in the middle of waiting for results or had a hospital stay in last year

SoWhatEh · 30/06/2023 15:51

This is a tough one. DS always gets beside himself with anxiety before going on holiday and tries to wriggle out of it, then has an amazing time. After it happened three times in a row, he recognised it and now he just shrugs and says: pre holiday nerves. It's fine.

Ask her what she is most concerned about. Tell her she wouldn't be required to do anything except relax once she is there. She can sunbathe or rest in the hotel and read. i think without guilt-tripping it is important that you are allowed feeling too and can say to her that you were really looking forward to going away with her and would still like to go if it's just anxiety but if she is really badly struggling then you will cancel and take her to the GP.

JulieHoney · 30/06/2023 15:52

Tough luck, kitty cat, it’s too late to back out now.

She’s coming; she can stay in her room
and read all day if she wants. There’s no way an 18yo with MH problems and an eating disorder is in a position to be calling the shots.

Original poster
Wildmoors · 30/06/2023 15:52

I am hoping I can get her there . It’s the lack of control over food, I’ve told her she does have control as it’s half board so a buffet. She currently prepares all her food herself including measuring out breakfast cereal etc so I think it’s scaring her.

OP posts:
Lesssugarketchup · 30/06/2023 15:54

Wildmoors · 30/06/2023 15:52

I am hoping I can get her there . It’s the lack of control over food, I’ve told her she does have control as it’s half board so a buffet. She currently prepares all her food herself including measuring out breakfast cereal etc so I think it’s scaring her.

A buffet isn’t control because of the vast availability

Do you have a kitchenette in the room?

could you downgrade the room to SC?

Lesssugarketchup · 30/06/2023 15:55

Added to which she will be worried about what salads are marinated in, how much oil has been used for this, the amount of sugar in that etc etc

nancy75 · 30/06/2023 15:55

Are there steps you could take to help her cope?
for example a measuring cup for the cereal (cheap to buy, take up no room in a case)

wutheringkites · 30/06/2023 15:55

JulieHoney · 30/06/2023 15:52

Tough luck, kitty cat, it’s too late to back out now.

She’s coming; she can stay in her room
and read all day if she wants. There’s no way an 18yo with MH problems and an eating disorder is in a position to be calling the shots.

Wow!

nancy75 · 30/06/2023 15:57

JulieHoney · 30/06/2023 15:52

Tough luck, kitty cat, it’s too late to back out now.

She’s coming; she can stay in her room
and read all day if she wants. There’s no way an 18yo with MH problems and an eating disorder is in a position to be calling the shots.

I’m glad you’re not my mum

Craftsandgardens · 30/06/2023 15:58

Could she buy some food in a supermarket? (Expensive as you've paid for half board, but might give her peace of mind).