DD wants to back out of paid holiday

[Wildmoors]

We are due to go to Greece next Wednesday.
My DD who has issues with an eating disorder and self esteem, (she is having therapy for this) and is now saying she doesn’t want to go because of her MH.
It was a holiday we planned together. Just the two of us
She is 18. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving her because of where she’s at. Don’t know what to do

How about taking some small electronic scales and a note pad so she can weigh foods and calculate calories by googling different foods. Buffets usually have lots that is just on it's own that can be weighed individually. Lettuce and other separate salad bits, grilled meats, plain pasta, fruit, cereal etc. She can pick weigh and empty bowl and then the bowl with the food she wants in it. Might have to go up and down a couple of times to get the things she wants. So she doesn't feel really self conscious you could sort of share a selection of things on the table (so it looks like tapas) and then she can discretely weigh what she puts on her plate.

Are you near enough to some shops and a town so that if at any meal she finds it too stressful she can just go and buy something?

Perhaps not as all existing medical problems have to be noted on the insurance form and if it counts as an existing condition it might be exempt . This would depend on the insurance company .

If you already have insurance, could you cancel and look for a self catering holiday instead?

No advice OP but I do hope you get on holiday together.

I would ease up and tell her it's OK either way. Take the pressure off. Encourage her to take the next week to decide (as I assume you'll have lost the money now anyway). Maybe she's just very anxious about it and needs a bit of space. If you can't go, you can't go. I know it's so disappointing but hopefully she'll recover well and there'll be other holidays.

I've been in your dd's position at a similar age. The idea of a holiday was terrifying. Is your dd medically safe to travel? Ultimately the decision was taken out of my hands as my medical team declared me unfit to fly/travel. Do not underestimate the medical complications of Ed. An upset holiday tum or a case of too much sun could easily hospitalise someone with an Ed.
Fortunately as I had declared my ed when taking out insurance then trip was covered. I felt horrifically guilty but I guess in some ways it was a wake up call to the real threat an Ed poses.

My family didn't consider going without me for a minute, they realised how sick I was.

Sadly that was the beginning of a long battle with AN that I continue to fight to this day. An ED really is no teenage fad. It's hospitalised me on numerous occasions and nearly cost me my life. What has pulled me through is my family, they stood by me all the way and never gave up. Today I'm in a slightly better place. I'm functioning and have been lucky enough to enjoy many foreign holidays.

I usually prefer shorter (max 7 days) holidays and if not self catering then I actually quite like the buffet restaurants in hotels. They usually have really good selections of fruit, veg and extensive salad bars, often with live grilling stations for grilled fish or chicken which are usually my safe foods. I also take some safe snacks with me too. I only holiday with people who know me and my Ed and spell it out in advance where my limits lie. If someone wants a foodie holiday then I'm not a good match. I do make it very clear though that if we are in a group I have absolutely no issue at all with them going off and doing their own thing and just leaving me to sort myself out.

Thoughts are with you OP. It's a horrible position to be in.

Maybe you could eat some meals in the room or like others have said take a measuring cup or try and delay your holiday. x

What do you propose op does? Kidnap her and bundle her on the plane against her will?! Hilarious the batshit comments on MN

Could you sell the holiday to another couple? They’ll just need to pay to transfer names?

I don't know why you're getting grief for this post.
As someone who had a severe eating disorder who was incapable of making decisions that were not in favour of the eating disorder, this is exactly the attitude I needed.
Someone taking the control as I felt so out of control. It's what they do in eating disorder wards, things are non negotiable and that makes it feel safe.

See if you can delay it for next year it ( with a travel agent ) costs £50 per person, you might be able to change it to self catering for the same dates,

Oh op, I totally feel for you but it sounds like this is too much too soon for her.

It won’t be just the food, it will be the pressure to wear swimwear or less clothes that will be difficult and the feeling of too much food everywhere at the buffet.

I would cancel one way or another and consider a spa day or a city break in a colder environment with self catering or anywhere she can cope with. It might not be anywhere this year.

You also run the risk of a set back. A holiday in Greece is not worth it op.

It depends on the person. Holidays, despite my anxiety in the build up, helped me recover. I think it was the change of scenery and break from routine and putting the trauma that triggered my anorexia further away. I started to heal , mentally, on holiday

Just because you have booked half board does not mean you have to use it. Maybe she would be happier eating in the room or picnic out.

@Wildmoors if the hotel can't give you a list of the foods they have, try Facebook pages for the resort you're going to ( the hotel may even have its own FB page ) and ask on there if anyone has been to that hotel and can let you know what the food is like. I hope you get to go and your daughter gets better 💐

It definitely depends on the individual. I went on holiday to Greece in the throes of a severe ED and like a pp, it was incredibly beneficial in getting away from the day to day environment and whilst there was anxiety, the benefits far outweighed that. I ate only Greek salad for a week but mentally I found some peace.

It was important in my case for everything not to be controlled by the ED.

Some people are bothered by beaches and swimwear and find that a trigger, others aren’t bothered at all. I have always been more self conscious fully clothed and shopping was a huge trigger for me. A friend I met in the EDU adored shopping.

It’s not looking likely she is getting more and more anxious and says she won’t be able to wear a bikini etc her body image will only be worse and she will have to deal with getting home after the holiday which is also massive for her. It’s too late to push it back as have rung the holiday company. The only way would be to try through insurance.
i am absolutely gutted

D&V can happen at any time to anyone op

The important thing is that dd is okay and she comes through. I don’t blame you for being so disappointed. Try and find a way to get away with a friend later in the year?
is she likely to be going to uni? Or further education.

Hi OP. Sorry to hear your DD is suffering and holiday is looking doubtful. Mother of a 19 year old 5 years into (stressful) recovery from an ED (anorexia). She was diagnosed 2 days before we went on holiday when she was 14 (hospitalised). We didn't go. The main thing is your DD gets well. No advice on what you should do as every case is different, but recovery is very possible. I hope your DD gets the treatment she needs.

Thank you x

Did you manage to go?

Poor OP.