Most areseholy thing a ‘friend’ has said to you

[Dontmissyou]

I will start.

When I was in my mid 20s I was having some relationship worries and was freaking out a bit. In retrospect they were justified 🤣. I wasn’t really one for confiding in my friends but I had a friend over for tea and confided in her.

I arranged to meet her in a week or so and she cancelled on me with an excuse and I thought nothing of it.

At a later date she randomly told me that she has cancelled on me because last time I’d seen her I’d ‘brought her down’ when telling her about my relationship worries. I was flabbergasted. I didn’t say much but think she knew she’s messed up by admitting that by my shocked face.

I stopped telling her anything of substance after that because I realised she was only a fun time friend. The relationship dissolved because amongst other things like her announcing the pregnancies of people I knew extremely vaguely after I’d just had a miscarriage, she said I kept things from her and never told her anything about my life. Erm true 🤣.

Tell me your so called friend arseholery please.

Cannot believe how awful some of these "friends" are... but in and odd way this seems kind of cathartic.

I have 2 that are significantly less than most but have stuck with me.

First is after years of TTC but having unexplained infertility we had just had our 2nd and last failed IVF (we couldn't afford private so it was NHS and done) I returned to work for the first time after a few days off. Then best friend told me "it wasn't a real loss though was it" so couldnt be as upset as I was.

Second was my SIL few weeks after DH and I got engaged at a family BBQ. As we were all talking about relationships informed the whole party that her brothers "could do better". She makes a lot of snippy comments but this one pissed me off the most and my other SIL as well!

"Well things are a bit shit for you too"

Said to me after a massive rant about her own self inflicted issues with drink and drugs and the massive fall-out with everyone around her due to the drink and drugs. When she asked me why I was quiet and not responding in my usual faithful, supportive friend way, I'd simply said 'dp has cancer' and she came back at me with the 'a bit shit' comment. Never spoke to her again. (And she did finally self destruct sadly)

You shouldn’t go out on the pull with X because she’s gorgeous so men will pick her over you

true but I didn’t need it pointing out

I’d fallen out with my best friend since 5. She’d threatened to shop me and our other best friend to the authorities for suspected benefit fraud which I know I hadn’t done, not sure about my other best friend. No proof, the other best friend had had a baby recently too and was a single mother. I’d been my first best friend’s best friend for years, suppliers her, been to see her when she had her kids young and subsequently became a single mum. I knew her life could be hard but I thought we’d always be there for each other.

So I told my second best friend what my first best friend thought I or we had both done and of course we confronted her and the friendship subsequently ended. I guess if we’d been more mature it could’ve been resolved. We were both shocked that our best friend could accuse one of us or both of us of doing something like this to her, not something we’d ever do and also no proof or very limited proof, we were also from fairly well off families compared to our best friend who wasn’t from same background.

So after a year or so of being upset and missing my first best friend I rang her in tears like I’d done once or twice before when we’d fallen out, begging for forgiveness. She told me “I’ll only forgive you when you come crawling back to me on your hands and knees begging for forgiveness”. I think she would have forgiven me too. I suddenly saw the light and thought how dare you speak to me like that after all I’ve done? And put the phone down and never rang her back.

Ironically fast forward to when we were in our mid to late 30s she finds me on FB and also visits my DM’s house where I was staying over Christmas and visits me out of the blue (I’d moved since then and she didn’t have an address for me). I answered the door to her as I was the only one in and I told her to F off then and afterwards we connected on FB messenger and maybe were FB friends afterwards. She now has a good new life, married and seems happy. After texting her and chatting over lockdown I suddenly thought there’s never been an allusion or an apology for the way you’ve treated me so I backed off again. Not fallen out but I just don’t see the point in being friendly with someone when there’s an elephant in the room and I deserve better.

After we ended our friendship in my mid 20s I met my other best friend and other friends and had a new great fun life. Sadly she died in her early 30s but I found and knew what true friendship was in those years with that person.

For supplied read supported!

My mum had died very suddenly. A few months later my 'friend' who was an only child but still had both her parents said to me "you're so lucky to have a brother" or words to that effect. My brother and I were not close at all. I think I'd much rather have my mum back thanks!

My oldest friend from university years:

when my sibling died of AIDS said: He's better off out of it

visiting me in hospital when DD was born and talked constantly about how she hated hospitals

when I was diagnosed with a facial cancer that could have resulted in radical surgery: You're only bothered because it's your face. This was right after the phone call to tell me. On Christmas Eve

when my DH died suddenly and his Facebook page was crowded with wonderful messages about him, I emailed to send her a link. She said: I don't do Facebook. To my shame I said: Do it for me

We are no longer friends, though I might have taken more notice of the fact that only one of my BFs and my DH liked her.

Years ago, my "friend" asked me, at my wedding reception: "Where's your Granny?"

I replied: "she's dead"

Friend: "are you sure - wouldn't I know if she were dead".

[She definitely did know, we had spoken about it when it happened only in the previous year, she the "friend", told me off for not being upset enough and bottling up my feelings...]

That’s a disgusting thing to say!

There’s a mum near me who I’ve seen who always looks perfect, perfect family kids etc and she used to parade this example around the neighbourhood to be seen etc. My NDN and her friends know her and referred to her as Amanda from Motherland and would never socialise with her when we all went out (I said once or twice let’s include her as another mum) apart from kids things as the parents were school parent friends. I remember seeing her in lockdown when we were allowed our 30 min walks and she was on her phone and definitely smirked and looked at me strangely as we passed. She knew who I was. Anyway something happened recently which has changed her life, can’t say what but suffice to say, what’s on the surface is rarely what’s happening in real life.

Basically nowadays I have best and close friends who I see and make time for. I have some fun friends but have realised sometimes some friends especially the fun ones love to have fun and indeed take from you and post about how shit/good/fun their life is but when the chips are down you can’t really count on them. Which is a pity if you’ve helped some out re that.

That's fucking terrible

“That’s good you’re starting your job. You might find you lose a bit of weight” I was a returner to work after being at home with my kids. She is a snake of a person brimming with poison and envy and that’s only one example of her jealous bile.

I’m from a small town where most people go to primary then secondary school together so I’ve known school friendship group since I was 5. I was the short, skinny, shy one in the group. My ‘Bf’ constantly said how flat my bum was, my chest is like an ironing board, when I would touch her she would say ouch my sharp bones were stabbing her.

For birthday gifts from her she would give my children size clothes (in my late teens to mid 20’s). Now that itself wasn’t an issue because unfortunately I did have to buy a lot of kids clothes but would get simple plain stuff. She would get ruffles, bright garish colours things obviously meant for little children and would giggle and say that’s all she could find for me.

I’m still underweight as I slowly developed an unhealthy relationship with food & an ED which is an ongoing struggle. I moved abroad years ago but I’m still in the WhatsApp friends group and I’m always the only one that’s picked on but a few years ago I stopped responding to the nasty comments. I know they, especially my so called main friend aren’t my friends but small town mentality I feel I can’t just go no contact. All our parents are friends and when I visit it’s hard to avoid them but I grey rock and do try to not see them.

Friend won a trip on a party boat at a holiday spot a couple of hours drive away. She was excitedly talking to me & another friend & it was obvious they'd already made plans. Turned to me & said 'I'm not inviting you as you don't drink enough to take advantage of the package'. It was free. Invited people she barely knew. Tbh this was normal for her. A real self centered piece of work.

I stopped talking to her & other friend. The one who won was on FB a couple of years ago begging for money. I ran into the other & she wanted to catch up because they'd moved back & had no friends here now, had spent all their inheritance money they rubbed in my face & whined about how bitch friend had taken advantage of her recently. I was obvious in my disinterest but she's clueless about how poorly they treated me all those years & thinks I'm a bitch now. I don't care, really.

This happened when I was younger, I didn't know how to deal with it then and tended to over think things.
I befriended a woman at work, few years older than me. I confided in her about my mental health struggles, low self esteem etc. I'd been bullied through school for my appearance.
A few of us in the staff room and she was talking about her new bag from MIL. The MIL always bought designer handbag for her DILs for Christmas, birthdays and basically spoilt them as much as her two sons. I said oh pass my number onto you BIL! clearly joking, they all knew I was in a long term relationship at the time. Couple giggling, understanding the joke. This 'friend' said, straight faced and deadpan 'no, he only goes out with pretty girls' it got quiet and all I could say was it was just a joke... 'I just think you should know, he only goes out with really pretty girls. If I tried to set him up with you, he'd laugh at me'
I go through bouts of depression (not so much now) where I neglect myself, eat rubbish, chain smoke, don't brush teeth and this caused a bout for a couple of weeks. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone.

After ds was born very sick & needed lots of neo-natal care and extended hospital stay. Dh's best mates wife called up ranting about why we didn't attend her birthday party 🤔🤔i was 6 wks post partum & mentally all over the place. Baby ds was in & out of emergency care & almost died.

And you didn't respond while prodding her face? You missed a chance but will be better off without her.

Posted too soon. The entitled bitch was ranting about how her party was spoilt because we didn't attend. No reference at all to our circumstances at all. She knew what was happening because dh called her to say why we wouldn't be attending the party. She wasn't drunk either, just a nasty, self entitled so and so.

Many (many years ago), after I'd had a premature baby who had been in NICU and I had said a little bit about how difficult it is to be separated from your newborn.

'I mean, you can't even be sure that's your baby if you left her alone in there.'

We didn't see them much after that.

On the whole my friends are nice, the awful comments I get are from my mum. not always bitchy, just self centred. She was physically abusive as I grew up and has always been self-centred.

i left school at 16 as was expected of WC girls then and nearly 40 years later I went to uni and came out 4 long hard years later with a (self funded) MSc.
I mentioned to my Mum that I wouldn't be going to the graduation ceremony (expensive, long journey, my achievement was getting the qualification not walking across a stage for 10 seconds). She was annoyed because she wanted the day out and to dress up and have happy family photos. I remained adamant that it wasn't going to happen until she burst out in exasperation "Its not all about you, you know'. There was a long silence, my adult daughters and I all burst out laughing and it was never mentioned again.

After many years of caring for her, eventually clearing and selling her house on her behalf (big job because she is a hoarder) and then doing the same thing for her retirement flat she is now bed bound and in a care home which I organised for her. I have POA and take care of all her finances - it's a big responsibility because she is well off and kept very poor records. I visit her twice a week, bring her treats, escort her on her many hospital appts etc. Every time I visit she tells me (with the traditional MN tinkly laugh) that she heard on the tv that the collective noun for children is an "ingratitude of children'.

Not so much something they've said, but since I split with my abusive husband in February (after having to run with the children in the middle of the night in our pyjamas) one of my best friends of 20+ years hasn't contacted me once, and has firmly planted his flag on my ex's hill. This is someone I (briefly) went out with before I met my husband. We have played countless gigs together, I've shared part of my adolescence/early adulthood with. He was a pivotal part of my friendship group. Not a word, not a message from him or that whole group. It's utterly humiliating to realise that they were such an important part of my life, but to them I was just 'ex-husbands' wife. The cherry on the cake is that I just discovered they've all been on a trip abroad with ex and ex's (2nd) new girlfriend. Its just so hurtful and humiliating. People keep telling me "they obviously weren't very good friends in the first place" in a very sweet attempt to make me feel better, without realising that's what's making feel so shitty. That I was so stupid I didn't realise they weren't my friends, they only put up with me so they could be friends with him. It's utterly humiliating.

Not directly to me but after my daughter (IVF baby) was born with a completely unexpected genetic condition and and I was in a really bad place struggling to come to terms with it, she posted a picture of her baby (a couple of months older) on faceboom with the words “How did we make something so perfect?” Its many years later and I’ve come to terms with the condition, but it still really stings when I think about that. I’m sure she wasn’t thinking about me at all, but I don’t think I would ever have been that insensitive.

Our first baby was stillborn, a week later my friend visited with a box and handed it to me.

It was a box of tampons that she wouldn't need because she was pregnant.

We were discussing the tragic sarah everard case and my ‘friend’ said “well she shouldn’t have even been out, it was lockdown” ….

.