Most areseholy thing a ‘friend’ has said to you

[Dontmissyou]

I will start.

When I was in my mid 20s I was having some relationship worries and was freaking out a bit. In retrospect they were justified 🤣. I wasn’t really one for confiding in my friends but I had a friend over for tea and confided in her.

I arranged to meet her in a week or so and she cancelled on me with an excuse and I thought nothing of it.

At a later date she randomly told me that she has cancelled on me because last time I’d seen her I’d ‘brought her down’ when telling her about my relationship worries. I was flabbergasted. I didn’t say much but think she knew she’s messed up by admitting that by my shocked face.

I stopped telling her anything of substance after that because I realised she was only a fun time friend. The relationship dissolved because amongst other things like her announcing the pregnancies of people I knew extremely vaguely after I’d just had a miscarriage, she said I kept things from her and never told her anything about my life. Erm true 🤣.

Tell me your so called friend arseholery please.

@ZekeZeke wow that’s awful 😳

I'm gobsmacked at all of these horrific and insensitive friends everybody has. There's a lot of nasty bastard out there.

I think a big part of it is that they either don't believe me, i.e. they'd rather believe that I'm lying than that their friend is a violent abusive arsehole, or they do believe me, and still value his friendship over mine. Both of which feel horrible.* *

When I asked why Dh and I were the only ones not invited to a BBQ I was told that they didn’t think I’d want to go cause I was pregnant!

Bloody hell!

The day after my brother had taken his own life, I was sat in tears on the sofa, my partner (now ex) said, come on, your brother wouldn't want you to drag it out like this'

He was bored of my tears after 1 day. Ffs, it took months to get over. Pleased he's an ex

My now ex best friend was always really competitive but always denied it. Both made plans to move from our hometown to a big city, friend decided not to wait 6 weeks for me to graduate and moved by herself before me, she moved in with a group of people and I moved in with one friend from school who also lived in the city. My first weekend in town, she went out to a club with her housemates and didn’t invite me along, when one of our friends back home asked her why I wasn’t out with them she said “SnoringPains can sit in on her own for once, it’s not my issue she hasn’t got any friends”. I would like to point out here that I had never excluded her from anything and actually went out of my way to introduce her to friends of mine. We stayed friends for some reason for another 6 years but now haven’t spoken for 4 years, a lot of nasty things she said or did that I wasn’t aware of have come out of the woodwork since. Sad to think I wasted years of my life (best friends since we were 11) on her.

Not a close friend but a friend non the less "well at least you aren't ever going to have to worry about this". Talking about all the work she was doing for her dad's 70th surprise birthday party. My dad had died suddenly a little while before.

I had a miscarriage and my friend asked me what I had done wrong to cause the miscarriage. Will never forget that, it really hurt at the time and still does now 2 years later.

I had to cancel my big fat Asian wedding cos of Covid. When lockdown regulations eased and people started having weddings again, my friend ‘helpfully’ notified me of all the couples who got married (I didn’t even know most of them).

I’m not a particularly jealous person and happy for the couples but this particular friend is very jealous, critical and competitive, so she wouldn’t have liked it if I did that to her.

When we finally did go ahead with a small registry wedding, she was constantly texting me to the lead up, asking if it was still going ahead? / has it been cancelled? And sending SAD emojis.

She even updated me on changing wedding regulations and how it would affect my wedding (it didn’t, we just had a small family only ceremony).

It’s stupid I know, but it really upset me and stressed me out. I even told her how it wasn’t helpful to hear negative stories about weddings. She apologised and then carried on! She just couldn’t help herself!

I finally addressed it with her after the wedding and she said she was ‘anxious’ cos she wanted to send me a card but didn’t want to if I didn’t end up getting married - just wait till after we get married!

When my dad passed away, she didn’t check on me once. I realised she wasn’t a very good friend.

I hear you. I escaped a ''man'' who was emotionally, verbally, physically and financially abusive. Yet a few people gave me versions of ''what's his side of the story'' and implied ''six of one and half a dozen of the other''. I think my ''six'' was that I had had a visible reaction to being abused. Crying, begging, escaping!

Some people are thick. These were my mother's generation, her friends tbh. One said to me with my mother there listening ''isn't it nice that the government paid you to leave your husband''. (i was on One Parent Family allowance). If a friend said that to my daughter I'd be shocked but my mother was annoyed with me for replying ''we weren't married''.

OMG you poor thing. That is awful. Not allowed to be devastated.

My husband was about to go away on a works pissup( sorry working away trip) , abroad .

In his office, and going with them was a beautiful female ex model , also to add to the mix she's Russian ( like a James bond baddie), 5 foot 11 , thin and curvy and did I say extremely beautiful.

I stupidly said to a ' friend ' that I felt a bit jealous/ anxious over him going- with her also being there ( btw no indication of him fancying her previously, just me daft) hoping for a sensible sympathetic ear.

" I've no idea why you're worried" she snorted" it's not like HE would get ANYONE attractive fancying HIM "

One comment , two insulted

Not a friend, but my ex said to me " You are the most beautiful ugly woman I have ever seen".

Still can't work it out,, but thankfully he is an ex.

Some of these are truly awful and other are just people struggling to find something appropriate to say.
I never know what to say to someone when they've experienced a loss. Yes, say you're sorry but many feel the need to say more to recognise the loss and sometimes people get it wrong.
I've lost family and friends, and I've wanted to scream in the face of other peoples insensitivity but realise that they are not affected and aren't really interested. To frank I don't give a shit that my MIL's 2nd cousin has died, I'll try to be sensitive and respectful but I'm not going to go into mourning. People, myself included, are very selfish and self absorbed.

Many years ago I told my friend my young adult son had tried to take his own life, this was the day after I had found out and I was as you can imagine in a state of shock and distress - I was actually about to leave to visit him in the hospital when I told her. Friend responded "FGS what does he actually want from life", then immediately switched the subject to the possibility that her elderly mother (who she was always really horrible about and barely visited) may have cancer and how upset she was about it!
I stopped being her friend after that.

When my narcissistic ex assaulted me at a party and it was witnessed by a few friends.

One of them asked me what i had said/done to make him act like that as he wouldn’t do it for no reason.

Thankfully the others supported me and I no longer she that ‘friend’

I have a mate who says some truly amazing things (I still love her though. I think she is plain talking and doesn't think before she says things and I know she doesn't mean to hurt... she's a kind person deep down)

When I was breastfeeding which I did unashamedly when my baby needed it "You're so brave doing it in public especially when your boobs are so droopy" 😳I have more but this one stuck with me the most.

My friend always admired my bracelet given by my DH. I couldn't go out because I had an eye infection, and had to miss her birthday meal. She came to mine to collect her gift instead. I bought her a imitation rose gold bangle similar in style but not as expensive as mine. She opened it, wrinkled her nose up, said could you take it back and get her something nicer. I was taken aback, thinking I can't go shopping at the moment. She asked a few weeks later of I had gotten her a better gift yet.
Cheeky cow.

Never bought me a gift for my birthday's, yet at Christmas kept asking if I was in one day , so thought ffs, got her a last minute gift as seemed like she was getting me one.

Then handed it to her on the day, and she was like aww you shouldn't have, sorry I haven't got you one. Then her new bestie posted her gift from my friend on Instagram, saying thanks its so lovely. Was fuming cos I would not have got her one if she hadn't hinted she was.

Distancing from her now

How awful.
My mother did this to me.
She watched as my 6'4" OH picked me up, threw me against the wall and punched me in the face.
She told me later that I shouldn't annoy people so much.

I'm sorry you felt embarrassed. I think the whole coffee shop went silent in horror at her, and were on your side.

My BIL telling me after I had a second trimester loss, where I had to give birth to our dead baby, that he and my sister losing their dog was worse, as their dog was part of their family.

They’ve always loved to play Top Trumps. This was a step too far.

When I was about 19 my best friend said something that always stayed with me. We were at school together and she was always very popular as she was really pretty. One night we were putting make up on and getting ready to go out. We were talking about our eyes,lips,etc and saying how we wish they were different. She was saying that she wouldn’t change much (and quite right too as she was lovely) but looked at me,tilted her head and said “you’re sort of pretty in a quirky way aren’t you”. I was mortified. I’d always been insecure about how I looked which then changed to deep self consciousness

Thanks for all the replies everyone. Not had change to read them all but wow - some real arseholery out there!

‘In a way’. Hopes she’s aged badly 😉