Most areseholy thing a ‘friend’ has said to you

[Dontmissyou]

I will start.

When I was in my mid 20s I was having some relationship worries and was freaking out a bit. In retrospect they were justified 🤣. I wasn’t really one for confiding in my friends but I had a friend over for tea and confided in her.

I arranged to meet her in a week or so and she cancelled on me with an excuse and I thought nothing of it.

At a later date she randomly told me that she has cancelled on me because last time I’d seen her I’d ‘brought her down’ when telling her about my relationship worries. I was flabbergasted. I didn’t say much but think she knew she’s messed up by admitting that by my shocked face.

I stopped telling her anything of substance after that because I realised she was only a fun time friend. The relationship dissolved because amongst other things like her announcing the pregnancies of people I knew extremely vaguely after I’d just had a miscarriage, she said I kept things from her and never told her anything about my life. Erm true 🤣.

Tell me your so called friend arseholery please.

Came weeping and wanting sympathy from me because her best friend ("Jane") had stopped speaking to her.
I asked why, and she said, 'Because your boyfriend slept with Jane and I said to her, 'But why would he want you when he has SittingHereInLimbo?'"

One of many, but 5 mins before I walk down the aisle
"I can see your knickers through your dress"
You couldn't but made me feel so self conscious just before I'm about to get married.

There are a lot of crappy people with Ishoos around. I'm probably one myself!

But, also, there's a lot of basically decent people who don't know what to say when something bad has happened to a friend - that's why so many friends avoid you after a bereavement. They're scared they might come out with something awkward or insensitive (and they're probably right!)

Plus, there's the "Don't mention the war" effect - if something's looming over the conversation, especially if it's a delicate topic, your brain develops a kind of tactless Tourette's glitch, constantly feeding you related comments to blurt out inappropriately.

Anyway, mine's one of those. My dad died very unexpectedly. Still in a state of shock, I went to a friend's party. People were being very kind and considerate - except my best friend, who said "Heard your dad died." Then she shrugged, adding with a cheeky grin, "These things happen!"

It was obviously one of those awkward blurts, but I'd been finding her a bit much before this and just could not be arsed to cut her yet more slack over this. End of friendship.

I've got an irritatingly episodic memory and nearly always forget details very quickly. I've never forgotten that, though; I can still picture her exact expression and tone at that moment. Strange how small things can cut so deep!

A "friend" off mine came round to give me my birthday present and after I'd opened it she said "oh I have something else for you too" and chucked a box of pregnancy tests at me. She said "you can have those because I don't need them anymore! I'm pregnant." My DH and I had been TTC for months and she had conceived on her first try and thought she was absolutely hilarious for it. I ended the friendship there and then.

Some of these are just awful!

I had a 'friend' (who has older children than me) give me a lengthy discussion about how she knows lots of women who get delayed PND and suffer regret at not having given birth to girls. How once the children are older, they have a sudden onset of depression over the fact.

I have two boys 👦🏻 👦🏻 (and initially wanted a girl).

Very similar to this… I was out in public with my friend and openly crying that my 4 year (first serious) relationship was ending and my ‘friend’ said ‘to make you feel better, me and * had our first row today, so it’s not just you who’s upset today’…. She’d been with her new bf a couple of weeks 🙃

How great that you're still with Steve, all of these years later ♥️

Remembered a couple more...

At almost 30, my friend told me she and her DH had a conversation and 'they could never imagine me as a mother'. I wanted children just not right then.

With first baby, I wore my DS in a baby sling. I told me MIL I didn't like it because it was uncomfortable and the straps dug in. She said she liked wearing it, it was comfy for her because she is skinny....4 weeks postpartum.

I had bought a new purse. Nothing special, cost £20 but was a real cool gothic looking one.

I had got it out and another friend mentioned how much they liked it. The other friend says ‘’cost more than she’ll ever have in it’’

both burst out laughing and I was mortified. I was only 17 at the time but 15 years later and I’ve never forgotten it.
Thought it was really cruel.

I left an abusive ex. I told my friend - without much detail, just that I was leaving and to give her my new address- and she said ‘you have always loved being in the centre of the drama, haven’t you?’ I’d spent a lot of the preceding three years supporting her through her own difficult break up, listening during long phone calls while she talked and talked about how difficult it all was for her, cooked for her, went on day trips, and when I needed her, she accused me of being a drama Queen. Never spoke to her again but it really hurt.

Upon hearing my mum had a massive tumour - ‘oh a woman I know of found similar and now she’s dead’ 🙃 she turned out to be a psycho anyway and that was one of my ‘???!!!’ moments 😄

I'll try to keep this short. If she's on here I don't care.
"It's OK for you, you earn your keep on your back".
Trying to keep it short - After really tough times financially, I eventually had a successful career and my own house nearly paid off when I met my partner, who is wealthy. Eventually after much juggling of lifestyles and a long distance relationship, I gave up my job to live with him.
My friend was, I thought, my best friend. She spent a lot of time with us, stayed with me sometimes when he was away and went on a couple of trips to the States when he would be working all day. This time, I was showing her details of a very unusual place where we were going for a week. She asked to come (!). I sort of laughed and said not this time, it was a romantic break for the two of us. I can't remember exactly what was said but it was along the lines of there was plenty of room, we could do our own thing, she really needed a break, couldn't afford to go on holiday herself and then she came out with that comment.

I drove her to the station and haven't seen her since.

I was struggling with the thought of going back to work 3 days per week after maternity leave and putting my child in nursery. I had grown up ‘poor’ and had worked very hard to establish a career, had my first child in my early 30’s etc with DH, had mortgage etc. I also loved being a Mum. However, deep down knew I needed to return to work to give my family long term financial stability.

My new NCT ‘mum friend’ at the time - who I really loved spending time with, just turned round and said ‘well if you are just going to send her to nursery, why did you bother having her, I could never do that, I just love my baby too much’. It still stings today, 20 years later.
She and her husband were both ‘trust fund kids’. Neither worked, and they had been gifted a large 4 bed house as a wedding present. She just happily lived in her bubble of privilege, throwing out her words of wisdom! She also didn’t believe herself to be privileged ……

The same ‘friend’ also told me that everyone could find 30 mins a day to exercise if they really wanted too!

A friend of over 20 years corrected my speech in front of her other friends. We were sitting in the garden at a bbq her sister had invited me to, and my old friend spent most of the day acting like I wasn’t there. I sensed she felt embarrassed to know me, like I was common and stupid! I wasn’t - I can look back and know that now. But at the time I remember the sense of shame. She’d always blown hot and cold with me, but that day I decided she was a true bitch. The final straw was at her wedding some years later when she blanked me again as I congratulated her. Obviously I’d be asked to make up the numbers!

Needless to say, I left the wedding early through a side door, and never spoke to her again!

Someone said to me it was a real shame my daughter didn't have my 'white' nose, and got my husband's 'Asian' nose instead.

Painful break up with my fiancée in my 20s, had to move out of our flat back into my mum’s home and couldn’t bear going to pick up my last few bits because he was at home. My (forever competitive) cousin offered to go collect and I was grateful. Just as she was about to leave she said ‘I’m wearing really sexy red lingerie. Let’s see if the idiot is going to fall for it!’ 😳

That the DCs shouldn't have to waste 2-3 GCSE options on science because no one uses it in the real world. I'm a scientist.

Ha ha, my daughter looked like a 6 year old, had the braces and frizzy hair and then at 17 grew and blossomed into a beautiful girl. She tells me that growing up ugly made her develop a personality!

my dd developed anorexia during covid. Friend said I had to accept that this was my fault as Mums cause anorexia. She had an ED growing up - prob still did - and a v poor relationship with her Mum. But no, I didn’t cause my child’s anorexia. Still find it v hurtful as I really liked this friend. Situation got worse for dd as during covid didn’t have any support and 3.5 years later our situation has not gotten much better.

Not a friend but my sil rang us on our first wedding anniversary to tell us she was pregnant again and then said mistakes happen knowing we had been trying for two years and couldn't get pregnant, we did eventually have successful ivf and have been no contact for Two years now its bliss

I don’t really trust people women anymore and don’t really have ’friends’ anymore, but until few years ago:

I had so much rude, condescending and plain mean comments about being single, and a virgin.
My ’friends’ would do this fake concern frown and ask if I am worried that I’m too ugly to ever have a man pop my cherry, comments about having cobwebs down there.
They planned/told me about get-togethers and said I can’t come because I’m single.
And always making ’still single,still alone’ type of comments. And letting me know how sad they felt for me.
Last time I saw them was when one of them said they’d call a guy frien to ’take care of it’. I cut them off of my life after that.
(I never talked about any of this btw)

You really wouldn’t believe that grown ass women would behave this way!

My MIL has come out with some classics in her time. Sadly I can’t cut her off but if she were anything other than an IL I would have.

First thing she said to me after my MC when I was sitting in bed crying.’Oh pinkrose, you just DO too much, that’s what it is.’ Like my busyness had caused my MC.

When I spoke about my abusive ex partner who used to beat me up. Bemused expression on her face and slightly impatient tone - I just don’t understand why you would choose to be with someone like that?

After seeing a photo of me with makeup and hair done - Oh pinkrose, you look so lovely, I didn’t recognise you!

COW!

What an absolute arsehole. I’m so sorry. Good on you for ending the friendship.

''What on earth did you do to lead him on???'

My mother an hour after I was sexually assaulted in front of my baby dd

'Nothing mother nothing'

(Now nc)

Told a mutual friend she had no sympathy for me being in an horribly abusive relationship as was my life choice to enter the relationship so I should live with the consequences.

Also told mutual friend that when my ds2 was having huge issues at school and undergoing an adhd assessment that it was due to my life choices and he was just a naughty kid. He was confirmed adhd and odd in the end but she still refused to believe it was a thing and said it’s just fancy labels for naughty kids.

her son is now undergoing an adhd assessment and she is struggling with the same behaviours at school.

another time I was in a group of 4 friends and thought we was all on the same page with our friendship. One of the girls was getting married and she asked the other two to be bridesmaids but not me - was at that moment I realised they had another chat that I was not included in and we was not as friendly as I thought. She knew me pre my divorce some 14 years ago and I had reverted to my maiden name for some years and was in a new lovely relationship when it come to sending out the invites for said wedding she sent it to me in my previous married name and said oops muscle memory when pulled up on it. Then when I had ds she wouldn’t come and visit him as she said she had an issue with my lovely dp. When my dp proposed she felt really put out because at that time she didn’t have a proposal so her hatred of him started at then. Jealousy is not a good look!

binned them all off.