Most areseholy thing a ‘friend’ has said to you

[Dontmissyou]

I will start.

When I was in my mid 20s I was having some relationship worries and was freaking out a bit. In retrospect they were justified 🤣. I wasn’t really one for confiding in my friends but I had a friend over for tea and confided in her.

I arranged to meet her in a week or so and she cancelled on me with an excuse and I thought nothing of it.

At a later date she randomly told me that she has cancelled on me because last time I’d seen her I’d ‘brought her down’ when telling her about my relationship worries. I was flabbergasted. I didn’t say much but think she knew she’s messed up by admitting that by my shocked face.

I stopped telling her anything of substance after that because I realised she was only a fun time friend. The relationship dissolved because amongst other things like her announcing the pregnancies of people I knew extremely vaguely after I’d just had a miscarriage, she said I kept things from her and never told her anything about my life. Erm true 🤣.

Tell me your so called friend arseholery please.

My best friend of 20 years was quite unkind and harsh in a Christmas card a couple of years ago, saying that she "didn't have the time or energy for my problems", and that clearly what I was doing to help me get better wasn't working. 😳

I'd been suffering horrendous PND for about 8 months, had been low in iron after the birth of my 3rd baby, and as a consequence of all the stress and hormonal/emotional issues, my neurological involuntary movement disorder was a lot worse.

It was, to be totally honest, such a difficult time and I felt very depressed and suicidal. Her words hurt me a lot and at the time I didn't know I had low iron, that was probably pretty much causing all the problems. But she said it in such a harsh and cold way that I had to wait and contact her again to ensure I didn't say anything I would regret. She's a nurse so I'd expected a lot more sympathy but maybe she had heard enough of my health woes and so couldn't take it on top of her professional job issues.

Anyway, I know she's always been pretty harsh, and never had any real health problems so she is fortunate to not have to worry about these things. Quite possibly this is why she can't relate that well, not having children either 🤔

I realised I had an issue with alcohol and went cold turkey for a few months. I invited my friend to a relatives big night out as a plus one. She brought another friend along and spent the night with them at various pubs and travelled home with them avoiding me-presumably because I wasn’t drinking. The relationship gradually faded as she only wanted me as a drinking buddy!

“I didn’t realise ‘Mark’ was your brother - he’s quite good looking isn’t he?” said my frenemy when she realised her son’s personal trainer was my brother - I laughed in her face as I didn’t like her enough to feel insulted which wound her up.

Same frenemy who’s well known for not giving a shit about sparing people’s feelings while at the same time being highly “sensitive”. Met her and our mutual friend for drinks the evening after I’d booked a holiday and related a conversation with the travel agent. He told me he would have thought I was several years younger than my actual age had he not seen my passport. She said “he would say that wouldn’t he? “. My reply - “Not to you ‘Jo’!”

I then said hang on, I didn’t say I looked younger, the travel agent did. She repeated her comment, as did I. She then accused me of being rude. In reality she couldn’t stand me being complimented.

Our mutual friend burst out laughing but frenemy was raging because I lobbed her insult right back and there was nothing more she could say

When my mother died my friend came round to give her condolences and said she had always been jealous of my good relationship with my mother as she didn’t speak to hers and now I would know what that felt like. We no longer speak.

My husband had just passed away about a week earlier, i was with a very close friend who had been with me through it all,( drawn out cancer very painful to watch )said, Well its not like a divorce when you can still see him walking about!
I replied, if only, id have a fighting chance of trying to win him back then!

    No longer a friend and still cuts deeply.

"You're just a lowlife council scum murderer!"

Said by 'friend' when I cried at the difficult decision I'd come to, to terminate my pregnancy.

Contraception failure, had just escaped an abusive relationship and discovered I was pregnant, was left with a lot of mental trauma, early 20s and low income, just starting out in my career, unsupportive family who said if I kept the baby they wouldnt be helping me out with childcare so I could continue working "you made your bed, lie in it!", police refused to help protect me and baby and female DV officer snapped at me "I think you ought to just have an abortion!" because she thought it was preposterous to want the violent abusive father to be kept away from us.

After the termination and the abandonment of several friends and my entire family, I struggled terribly with grief and horrific depression. I didn't want to socialise, and after turning down a night out with another 'friend' she shouted "ffs, I've had an abortion as well you know, it's not that bad, get over it!"

This was a time in my life when mega areshole-y comments were aplenty

When I told my FIL I’d had another miscarriage having told them I was pregnant. ‘do you think you should have waited to tell us?’
Why? So you wouldn’t have to suffer the disappointment, the upset, the embarrassment?
Still can’t fathom that comment.

It's so true! I've read quite a lot of these and thought I could imagine me putting my foot in it that way. Especially the 'trying to find something relatable that I have also experienced' thing – I'm trying to stop myself doing this as it is SO invalidating and irritating but I know I've been guilty of it in the past!

With big tragic emotional events people are often scrambling for things to say and feel they need say SOMETHING, more than just 'I'm sorry.' When really that's all that's needed, and then to listen, not talk.

I once got into an out-of-control hysterical laughter fit when talking about my friend's cat dying. For some reason, after seeing/hearing me she began to laugh too (through the tears) and then we both talked about how weird it was. I felt awful, but I couldn't control it. I was lucky she laughed too!

My sister says that when she was pregnant I asked her, "Will you always be that fat?" So I guess she could post here too! I don't know what was going through my mind to ask such an insensitive thing, I certainly didn't mean to upset her. She's always been (and is again) VERY thin and I think maybe it was a genuine (stupid/insensitive) question because at that point I didn't know much about pregnancy and size/weight gain/loss.

A former friend and I were moving in together. I found the perfect flat, afffordable, nice location etc, dealt with the estate agent. she decided a mutual friend would move in with us too but it would be our flat.
So the day comes we're due to move in, I've paid my part of the deposit, bought furniture and organised my Dad to move me and help.
Get a phonecall from 'friend' that she was so upset but she and mutual friend would be moving into the flat together and they had signed lease to exclude me. Fair to say I was gutted. Dad drove through to demand my deposit back and tell them what he thought. I got so many sobbing messages that mutual friend needed it more and friend thought I was too scatty to pay bills. I was 26 and not my first flat!
Long story short, I've never spoken to her since. She was diagnosed with cancer and tried contacting me for support but I'm a cold bitch. Once you hurt or cross me, you're dead to me.

When I had just had my 3rd baby, a friend at the time went to a mother and baby group with me (she had an older toddler).

One of the other mums commented on how young I looked for my age (I was 33 at the time).

My "friend" responded with a very blunt, "Well fat people do tend to look younger than they are".

All were things said post miscarriages such as 'why do you need kids?', 'many people have it, it's not a big deal ' and similar comments.

Do you think she might have been anxious.
i had a baby in august and still had retained tissue in the February

‘When are you going to make me proud again’ and essentially cheer up, whilst stood outside the church where we had just finished the funeral for my twin

Not an ‘arseholy’ thing that was said but I was ‘best friend’ supported her through a lot. During lockdown 2.0 she invited several people to her daughters birthday party and not me. Then put out a Facebook post thanking close family and friends for coming! This was all during a tricky time, including my mum having cancer for a 2nd time which she knew, needless to say I am not close with her anymore :(

we also once went out for a night out where I spent the evening chatting to her bf out of courtesy because she was always banging on about friends being friends with bfs and partners etc. whilst in the taxi she text another friend of mine about how I’d been really chatty with her bf and how he’d barely paid her any attention. That evening she messaged me to say they’d had sex and the condom had broken and what should she do? I think that was definitely territory marking!!

I had this said to me. By my mum.

One who I now realise is deeply narcissistic

friends from secondary school
at about 19 in a nightclub she asked why do all the men talk to me when I’m fat and ugly and she is slim and beautiful
(I’m average looks and was then about a stone overweight)

so many things like this but growing up with an abusive father and bitchy girls school I guess I accepted it.

thirty year friendship…
I had a baby who was left brain damaged by hospital negligence. We sued them, they admitted liability we won. Son has everything he will ever want or need after settlement. She denounced me on fb saying I was selfish, should think of old women needing varicose vein ops etc really laid into me. Then blocked me and didn’t hear from
her again!!

Noticed last year she had unblocked me so I asked her to explain…
she had no recollection and I shouldn’t be hung up on the past and loads of other gaslight things!!
told her the issues she has and blocked!! Never felt happier!

Go midwife!

Not a friend, but older sister, first conversation after breaking up with a serious boyfriend in my 20s (who I had hoped to marry and have kids with):

”Oh yes I wondered what you did to put him off you”

(We’d broken up amicably, just one of those things things. I was utterly heartbroken tho.) Bitch. 😕😑

I lost my husband of forty years to a shock diagnosis of cancer a few years ago. I met my now second husband 9 months after my first husband passed away - I hasten to point out that I was in no way ready for a relationship at that point but we became friends. He had lost his wife to cancer a couple of years earlier so could empathise and was very kind and supportive. After a lot of soul searching we eventually started a relationship a couple of years later which culminated in marriage.

We bought our home together in his home city and a little while later I bumped into an old friend while I was out shopping. We had lost contact some time before when she had moved away, and she didn’t know that my first husband had passed away. I related what had happened - that there was only a few days between him collapsing and the diagnosis of advanced cancer, and him passing away. She said ‘you must have been absolutely devastated.’ She asked what I was doing in her part of the world and when I told her it was because I had met and married my now husband, her reaction was ‘well you obviously weren’t that devastated then’. I was so shocked I could only walk away. Why are people who haven’t experienced the loss of a life partner, so judgemental to people who have ?

"You've got such a lovely figure. I'm always very jealous of your curves. I just think it would look even better if it wasn't covered in 2 inches of fat"

Old school friend I didn't meet up with much (now ex friend!) came round my house after I'd redecorated and bought new furniture. She said 'I like your curtains, I don't like your sofas, you should have asked me I could have found you nice sofas' I explained one was a sofa bed for people to stay and she said 'well at least you thought about it I suppose'. Then she asked my boyfriend of a year if I had told him about the first guy I briefly 'dated' ten years ago?! - teenage crazy crush type thing! Why would you bring that up the first time you meet my new boyf!

Have you ever considered a nose job?

Can I stand next to you for the photo, so I look prettier

This was just the way she was, so I didn't take offence. She told me that she'd been showing her mum photos of the Christmas we'd spent together. Apparently her mum had said, about me, "what a beautiful complexion that woman has". Friend said, "but I told her that wasn't true, just a trick of the camera"