Most areseholy thing a ‘friend’ has said to you

[Dontmissyou]

I will start.

When I was in my mid 20s I was having some relationship worries and was freaking out a bit. In retrospect they were justified 🤣. I wasn’t really one for confiding in my friends but I had a friend over for tea and confided in her.

I arranged to meet her in a week or so and she cancelled on me with an excuse and I thought nothing of it.

At a later date she randomly told me that she has cancelled on me because last time I’d seen her I’d ‘brought her down’ when telling her about my relationship worries. I was flabbergasted. I didn’t say much but think she knew she’s messed up by admitting that by my shocked face.

I stopped telling her anything of substance after that because I realised she was only a fun time friend. The relationship dissolved because amongst other things like her announcing the pregnancies of people I knew extremely vaguely after I’d just had a miscarriage, she said I kept things from her and never told her anything about my life. Erm true 🤣.

Tell me your so called friend arseholery please.

DS1 was born at 24 weeks and we nearly lost him on multiple occasions. It was months and months before we knew if he was ever likely to come home. He was a couple of days old and just about hanging on, and I had texted friend to tell her. Friend texts back “thought you’d like to know I got a positive text this morning! Our two will be in the same year at school!”

DS did pull though but he has multiple complex disabilities. A few years later the same friend’s mum said to me, in front of DS, that I’d have to do something drastic to help him soon “before he realises how delayed he is”.

The final straw was when she was pregnant with her third child. She texted me to say “just had anomaly scan. Kidneys look a bit bright. Might abort cos I don’t really want a disabled child”.

At that point I stopped communicating with her.

A friend looked my dh up and down and laughed sarcastically then said 'so the diet's really working then isn't it? NOT'

In my naive youth, I once asked a bf why he was with me, expecting to hear something sweet. He said 'Because you're available'. Shit head, he didn't last long.

Told me I had an alcohol problem (in front of our joint friends)! We were at uni, she was few years older than me and in a relationship, I was 18 and single. I did go out 2-3 nights a week, but I was also on top of my studies and more (worked part-time, volunteered etc). I was like wtf 🙄

I am fat. Always have been. On holiday that I'd arranged for a friend I'd known for about 18 years, with free accommodation through another friend. I'd also just had my DD diagnosed with severe MH issues, so I wanted to get away for a weekend just for a bit of a rest for me, I was feeling pretty shell shocked. After a few drinks and a pizza on the last night, I asked her have you locked the door of the cottage? She replied "I have but even if I forgot, you're like a sumo wrestler so if anyone breaks in you can sit on them". Assumed she was drunk so I went to bed.

Next morning I reminded her about the locking the door incident and she confidently replied, yes I told you it was fine as you are like a sumo and could sit on any intruder. Completely matter of fact. Thing is, I'd never been slim so why did it suddenly become an issue? Shortly afterwards I dropped her at the station and we never spoke again. Looking back I wonder if she had MH issues herself but all those years she'd been a lovely friend ...

In a thread of nastiness, this stands out.

So sorry. What a vile piece of work. How can people be that unpleasant?

To be honest I wish more people called these assholes out on their obnoxious behaviour. Never assume they are self-reflective but a percentage can be if they are confronted with their own behaviour. The true assholes will remain assholes but sometimes people are just talking from within their own privileged bubble without really thinking.

Friend had a few drinks before I met her, she introduced to me to her friend and said MollysBrolly can be a bit of a fucker! And walked off, this was a few weeks ago.

long time ago at school I was in front of a group of girls who said MollysBrolly is pretty bet she has a lot of boyfriends - quick as a flash her mate said Not with an arse that size - I was 15 and a size 10!!!

at college a friend said You're quite pretty when you look down

We'd been bestfriends over 20 years, I'd supported her through the death of her mother; her ongoing marital problems, work trouble, through retraining as a counsellor and her stressful and much boasted about new university career as a counsellor and student advisor.

My younger brother , 37, got into a stupid mess of his own making and just as we thought it couldn't get any worse, it could and did. He was diagnosed with advanced terminal cancer; symptoms horrific, weeks to live. I'm sobbing all this out in detail to friend; she has been sitting there nodding, saying mmhm. Then she said " Poor old Tim. But he's had a great life".

Tim was the name of my elderly dog. It's nothing like the name of my brother. Who is not old and has not had a great life. She has not heard one word.

I said " WTF? I'm talking about my brother, not the dog"
She says in very soothing voice "All I'm hearing is your sadness and distress. In counselling, we focus the feelings, not the details".

So much for "student advisor".

Years and years ago (over 20) a couple in our group of friends broke up and the best mate of the dumper took a real shine to the dumpee, she wasn't interested and kindly turned him down by saying it was too close to home and it would be weird to date her ex's best mate. He did not take it well and made it his mission to win her over by waiting outside her work, sending flowers and long lovelorn messages. It was creepy the way he just wouldn't take no for an answer. Eventually she met someone else and he didn't like that at all and once when she was leaving the pub he yelled 'hope you don't get run over' after her. I'd already distanced myself from him as I didn't like how persistent he was being and after that I cut him off completely.

I didn't see him again until a mutual friend (the dumper) sadly died, he made a lot of very snide comments about my friend, how she should be there, how he wouldn't 'make it awkward' despite him making it very awkward even bringing it up, the dumper and dumpee hadn't spoken for years at that point and she was grieving in her own way. He was also by that point married to someone else (who looks scarily like my friend, I honestly thought it was her at first glance) and it was very much like he just wanted to rub her nose in it.

He did loads of other stuff as well, he hated my now husband and tried his hardest to make life difficult for us, in the hopes it would break us up. It did not. He was just a very weird, very intense, very controlling man who wanted to be the king of the group, sad really. The last time I saw him was at another mutual friends wedding that he turned up late too, in jeans (it was a big hotel wedding, everyone else was suited and booted) and didn't utter a word to anyone.

A "friend" who hadn't seen me in quite a few years stated - in reference to my de-facto status with my kids dad:

"Oh isn't it funny that I can legitimately call them bastards?"😕

My DP’s best friend since childhood was more like family. DP and I both thought of him as a brother and when he met his partner we quickly became very close with them as a couple - we were friends for over ten years and had a really good social life with them, until their relationship ran into a very bad patch and they ended up splitting up. Within a few weeks of the relationship ending, his partner had gone NC with DP and myself, and despite numerous attempts she wouldn’t answer our calls.

DP’s friend had moved back in with his parents temporarily while they sorted things out and after DP had helped him move his stuff one weekend, he voiced the concern to me that friends’ parents had seemed a bit ‘off’ with him. Over the next few weeks it gradually became clear why friends’ ex had gone NC with us. She had broken confidences between us, and told the most awful lies about both of us to everyone, including friends’ parents, and said that she had always felt threatened by my friendship with her ex, intimating that we were having an affair. Nothing could have been further from the truth and we had tried our best to support them both through the break up.

Throughout our friendship she had never even hinted that she either felt threatened or suspected us of anything, so it came as an awful shock to me. I felt betrayed by the things she had said - DP and I both did - but we never got to the bottom of it because she never re-established contact and some time later we heard that she had met someone and moved out of the area. Since then, I’ve never really trusted anyone enough to get as close as I was to her, and I was always very careful around DP’s friend from then on as it made me very aware of how some people can view an entirely platonic friendship between the sexes.

'Might abort cos I don’t really want a disabled child”

I pulled back from a friendship for several years after they said he same. she continued about it being 'disabled people being an unfair drain on society'.

It was a triple whammy for me:

1. because of my own infertility struggle at the time which she knew
   (she was my bestie who I talked to about it, she had also struggled to
   get pregnant and cried on my should many nights about it).

2. because she drank, smoked and did illegal drugs while pregnant (which I admit I struggle not to judge) but I rushed to the hospital to hold her hand because she said she was rushed in for a MC... and then she just casually throws out that abortion and ablism rant.

3. because I'm disabled myself... I know she wasn't thinking when she said it and the half ass tried to back peddle but she basically said I'm a burden and should have been killed.

It's like she turned into another person I didn't recognize anymore as soon as she got pregnant. She got away from her arsehole ex (no 'domestic violance' or anything but he was a twat and he got her on the drugs) and we have since become friends again. She much more like her original self again since they split and quit her bad habits since.

This is one of the saddest threads I've read.

So many of you have endured such nastiness and thoughtlessness by those that you trusted dearly.

I had an opinion from my dad to my mum when I was in my early twenties.
He said...'what's wrong with ( drab carpet?) is it because she's a lesbian or because she's ugly?'
He didn't know that I was at home and he was wanting my mum to answer why I was 23 and still living at home, despite paying all their effing bills because he pissed his salary up the wall.

I was telling a friend that I’d really love to buy a house. She laughed and said ‘let’s face it, you and your husband can’t afford to buy a house on what you earn!’ And then a few minutes later she told me her and her husband just had an offer accepted on a house…

WhatADrabCarpet that's terrible. Aged 13 brushing my hair before I went to the shop - my mum said I don't know why your bothering who's going to look at you.

I was part of an awkward group of misfits when I was younger (none of us were cool or popular, just for context). I was the only chubby girl in the group.
Whilst walking uphill through our town, I joked about hopping on the back of a trailer for a lift. A bloke in the group said "yeah but those things have weight limits".
Another time, I'd quickly crossed the road just as a lorry came and said something about it being a close call, and another lad in the group said "you'd have left a dent in the lorry."
Both these guys were generally considered unattractive themselves, and the latter one was often trying to get into my knickers, so that's a bit rich coming from them!

I’m disabled and this resonates with me. I worked in a small office for a couple of years. One of my colleagues had found out she was pregnant and because there was a family history of disability she was booked in for an amniocentesis test.

This sparked a discussion about various decisions in the event of a positive test, and the consensus, including that of the pregnant colleague, was that they would terminate. One of the opinions voiced was that it was irresponsible to knowingly bring a disabled child into the world as it would be an expensive drain on society. This was said in the full knowledge that I had the same disability that was being tested for, and that after a positive test I had previously miscarried what I was later advised was a foetus with a severe birth defect, even before I had the chance to make a decision on whether to terminate or not.

On the one hand I realised that my colleagues didn’t see the disability, they just saw me, but the opinions expressed during that discussion made me really uncomfortable. And yes, it beats me how people can hold opinions like these without a thought as to how much of a ‘drain on society’ they will be when the effects of their bad habits on their own health show up in later life.

“If you lost weight you’d be so beautiful” cheers!

A “friend” said to me, “Your son isn’t very good looking is he?” I told her that he had been through hell with an idiopathic eye condition and had been on steroids, which made him gain weight. She then went on to tell me that my granddaughter, who is studying French & History in Paris would never get a decent job with that qualification. When I defended my son & granddaughter, vehemently, she told me that she had never been spoken to like that before in her life and that was the end of our friendship. Should I mention that she as no children? I wouldn’t mind but she is no oil painting herself.

My mum died when I was 12. My then best friend in the entire world said she was happy that my mum's funeral was on a week day because she got the day off school. Then acted like I was in the wrong.

After a miscarriage a friend said ‘at least it was early and you didn’t really love them’ then proceeded to go on and on about how funny it was that she was giving birth on one floor on the hospital whilst I was recovering from an ERPC on a different floor.

I was having a very difficult pregnancy, constantly bleeding, in pain
I Saw occupational health who went into detail about how common miscarriage was and how I should go about my job as normal. I'm a nurse, was working on an incredibly busy surgical ward. Thankfully that pregnancy resulted in a now 11 year old healthy boy.
During that same pregnancy one of my close work 'friends' referred to my unborn child as a bastard as I wasn't married.
9 months after my son was born a work colleague told me I needed to lose weight (My pregnancy weight)
Needless to say I no longer work for that trust, and cut all ties with my ex colleagues.

Told me to ‘attention seeking about my headaches’ two weeks after having emergency brain surgery to remove a tumour. We were 17 at the time and only in the last 6 months have I found the courage to ditch her, ten years later.