ExH doesn’t want DD to go to private school, how do I decide? WWYD?

[PrivateOnScholarOrStateSchool]

DD aged 8, Y4 has been offered a full scholarship to a private school starting in September. She was offered at Christmas.

DD has visited it several times with her current school and loves it. I have been and liked it.

Scholarship includes 1 free uniform, all fees paid and lunches plus the 2 compulsory trips per year for the class. DD is currently has an EHCP for dyslexia and dyspraxia (she also has EDS) but behaviour wise she is perfect (according to her current teacher) and the indie think she’ll fit in perfectly with their current Y4s.

Class sizes are small the current Y4 has 40 in two classes of 20 – it’s not a small school by any means so no worries financially there’s roughly 40 per year in pre-prep and prep then that goes up to around 70 per year from Y7 onwards (which is part of the senior section not prep), DD would be put in the class which is more focused on her interests, and curriculum is tailored to the class/pupil, so DD will be doing singing and music everyday which she will love as she currently does choir and loves it – over 70% of the school take part in music or singing daily. They’re also happy to “carry over” her reasonable adjustments with her so she will do less sport that requires co-ordination (like netball and football) and more of things like swimming and yoga that will really help her. It’s a through school and the scholarship lasts until the end of Y8, so I have a few years to save up for Y9, 10 and 11 or I can look for somewhere else for her. She’d have to move schools for September anyway as she’s at a first school.

I did not put her forward for the scholarship, she was at the school with her school choir and the head of music spotted her singing and handed her a letter to pass to me which told me to contact him, when I did he then interviewed her (to be sure) and introduced her to the head of the prep section, both where enthusiastic and wanted her there.

I can just about afford the fees without the scholarship so my plan is to save up so that if DD wants to stay beyond Y8 and doesn’t get a further scholarship she can still go. I think the school would suit her perfectly, and it’d be a fantastic opportunity. I would not be asking ExH to contribute to anything, he already doesn't pay CM (a whole other thread) and only sees DD EOWend for 1 night - so it literally will not affect him.

But ExH is dead against it, wants her to go to Middle School like everyone else. He thinks with her EHCP it’ll cause issues further down the line if we move her back to state education. He thinks it’s a nice opportunity but we’re not the sort of people they want there. He is also worried about if they withdraw the scholarship or reduce the amount, and we struggle to afford it. Plus there’s extras like none compulsory trips and if she sees all her friends going on these trips she won’t necessarily understand why she can’t. He just thinks DD should join their "none school members" singing/choral group once a week and be happy with that.

He says if I try to send DD there he will take me to court and force her to go to Middle School. DD really wants to take the scholarship, but I’m now torn over it. Because ExH has some good points about it. I'd have not considered sending her private if it weren't for this scholarship, I think the middle school will also suit her and she will be fine there.

Help WWYD?

Some LAs refuse to agree to this setup where the parent pays the fees, as it puts them in a precarious situation where they may well end up having to pay. So a lot of LAs cease to maintain the EHCP in this situation. Op would have to appeal this decision.
I am wondering if the OP has misunderstood this scholarship and the school is giving her a free space for a limited time, until she can get it named in the EHCP.

I would absolutely send her.
I would also start saving towards the fees for the later years now, if you think £16.5k is potentially doable on your salary in future, would you be able to start putting aside £600 per month now to give you a bit of a buffer if the scholarship does not continue? If you struggle to put this amount aside then you will be aware in advance that you definitely can't afford to pay for the senior education and rather than getting in a pickle at the time you can move her to state school in year 9 without much ill effect.

Oh really... i'd be tempted to suggest that if he DOES do this, the court might demand that he disclose his finances and they will then get CMS attached to his earnings.

Get yourself to a lawyer for a chat and see where you stand, but he is extremely unlikely to be able to stand in the way of what is obviously beneficial to her and something she really wants to do

That is unlawful. LAs cannot lawfully cease to maintain just because the parents make alternative arrangements. Parents can appeal them ceasing to maintain.

I'm aware. I said in my message she would have to appeal it. Did you miss that?

No, I was just reiterating it as parents should be supported to challenge their LA’s unlawful practices (which ceasing to maintain purely because parents are making alternative arrangements would be) rather than just accept them.

You're being extremely patronising. I made it clear in my post that OP will have to appeal this. If you want to explain to OP how you can do that, please don't do that by replying to me, and wording your reply in a way that implies what I said is wrong. I am well aware of the law, but also of the many, many LAs that think their policies trump the law.
At the moment appeals are taking roughly 52 weeks. That's a year without an EHCP. As much as it's an option, she needs to be extremely careful in how she navigates this process and has, in writing, what support her DD will receive from this school, as this offer seems too good to be true and I suspect she's misunderstood something.

Your post staying the EHCP will cease is wrong, it isn’t patronising to that point out to the OP.

At the moment appeals are taking roughly 52 weeks. That's a year without an EHCP.

No, it isn’t. The EHCP must be maintained until the appeal has finished.

Send your daughter to the school.
Beyond Y8, even if they cannot offer full scholarship, you are likely to get means-tested bursary and you do not need to pay full amount of fees.

Think about this scenario:
You earn £35k now, and you are offered a promotion to earn £60k, but after 4 years, you may (or may not) go back to £35k. Will you take up this opportunity?

It isn't wrong. That IS what happens in a lot of LAs and the OP should bear that in mind. Whether that's illegal or not, is a whole other matter. You can word your replies in a less patronising manner, even if you're right.

It is wrong, though. Just because LAs often try to act unlawfully doesn’t make them right. Without explaining to the OP LAs that try that are acting unlawfully and can be challenged if the LA try it she may just accept it and not know it is unlawful and could be challenged.

Send her to private school.

If he takes you to court you can bring up the fact that he doesn't pay maintenance in front of the judge.

No, saying my post is wrong implies what I wrote doesn't happen. There are a LOT of things that happen to EHCP pupils that are both wrong and illegal. That doesn't mean they don't happen. I made it clear she can appeal this. As I already explained 2x, there is nothing wrong with explaining to the OP that it's unlawful. Just don't do that in a patronising way as a reply to my message. That's all. Have a good day, I'm done derailing this thread.

I didn’t quote or tag you in my first post. I was purely providing the OP with information about EHCPs so she knows the law and can advocate for her DD, as I have done for many others on MN. Until I posted on the thread your posts made no mention of it being unlawful and OP being able to appeal, which is why I felt it necessary to point out to the OP the EHCP wouldn’t cease.

That's what I was thinking. Since he pays no child support, he might get a rude wake-up call.

OP--it sounds like an incredible opportunity for your DD. I hope she gets to go as I bet she will love it.

Your ex can go pound sand.

I haven't read the full thread so apologies if this is covered elsewhere but EHCPs can and do find private school fees if the school is named. Speak to your local SENDIASS who will be able to advise.

Also this sounds like a fantastic opportunity and your ex-DH is a knob.

Plus there’s extras like non compulsory trips and if she sees all her friends going on these trips she won’t necessarily understand why she can’t.

This argument of your ex's is really quite hilarious. If he were that bothered about your DD missing out on trips that you can't afford, it would make much more sense for him to pay for them rather than to spend his money on court proceedings. I'd love to hear a judge put that point to him.

I would totally send her. It sounds amazing. Tell the ex to fuck off. He doesn't pay anything and barely sees her anyway
Can you imagine going to court over it..so sir why are you here..Well my ex wants to send my daughter to a really great school with fantastic opportunities for free but I don't think she should go because I'm a twat

Simply not true. LAs can only legally cease to maintain an EHCP in limited circumstances, and this isn't one of them. They have an ongoing duty to ensure that the child's SEN are met and can't get rid of it just because the child is in a fee-paying school.

If they make this sort of arrangement, they tend to have a separate contract with the parents under which, if the parents stop paying the fees of the private school, the child will go into a maintained school or academy. If they don't want to contribute at all, they simply put something in section I to the effect that the parents have made their own arrangements for the child's placement.

OP can't just get the LA to name the school in the EHCP by asking for it: she would have to demonstrate that the child's needs can't be met in any cheaper maintained or independent school, which is likely to be difficult if this is a mainstream school.

I think the point is that few if any LAs would cease to maintain in this situation, because they would be aware that they wouldn't have a leg to stand on if it came to an appeal and they would be in danger of having costs ordered against them. Why would they risk that when they can achieve the same thing by maintaining the EHCP but simply noting that the parents have made their own placement arrangements?

And again, this is mistaken. If an LA issues a cease to maintain notice in respect of an EHCP, they nevertheless have to continue maintaining it until any appeal has been decided. So OP's child would not be left without an EHCP in these circumstances.

If you think that OP should bear in mind the possibility that her LA would break the law, why do you not advise her on how to challenge that? It's really quite easy to deal with this sort of problem by sending an official judicial review pre-action letter.

https://sossen.org.uk/whats-judicial-review/

Private schools are businesses. A local private primary school/11 plus hot house near me offers academic scholarships to boost the number of children going to grammar schools on their leavers list.

OP definitely send her, but have plenty of contingencies in case it all goes wrong. Good luck.

@PrivateOnScholarOrStateSchool Another thing to consider is that scholarships, especially fully funded ones, often tend to be reviewed / dependent on certain criteria being fulfilled. It would be worth asking the school if this is the case, as it would be a very unusual school to offer a 100% scholarship for 3 years with an iron clad guarantee that it won't be reduced or removed.

you'd be mad not to take the opportunity
and he'd be mad to think that any court would
a) uphold his case when the scholarship is clearly in her best interest
b) prioritise the wishes of the absent/non contributory parent over the one who cares and pays for the child

Not to mention you could say CMS would be very interested in how he could afford legal representation but not to feed his child (I know they probably couldn't do anything but it might give him pause for thought).