Parenting trends that can get in the bin

[PiratesEatTrolls]

Permissive/passive parenting labelled as gentle - no, little Jimmy not wanting to play with your DC is not a natural consequence for squirting him repeatedly and directly in the face from 2ft away with a super soaker, despite being asked to 'stop please darling, he doesn't like it, oh look, he's crying'....a natural consequence would be removing the super soaker

Never saying 'no' as a principle- fair enough (not really), but if you're DC is being violent, I sure as hell will tell them no

Neutrals neutrals neutrals and no plastic tat - let them have some stuff they like! Buy it second hand of you want to be eco but let them have the odd bit of tat/character pyjamas that make them happy, why not 🤷🏼‍♀️

Gentle parenting gets a bad rep on here but what I class as gentle parenting just means:

• no physical punishment
• no time outs. Leaving an upset 2 year old alone to manage their own emotions is such a weird concept.
• no shouting (if I can help it). Particularly at a tantrumming child who is clearly no at all in control of their emotions and is too overwhelmed to emotionally self regulate.

I have clear boundaries which I reiterate all the time and remove the children from the situation if they break them. I say no all the time too, but I try to explain why. My kids aren't allowed to run riot and are pretty well behaved generally.

(I do none of this perfectly and lose my temper sometimes but it's an aspiration...)

Um, there is quite a bit in between you know, it's not either/or.

Yes, in the UK. Smacking was very much the norm. Comedians would joke about how fantastic it was and newspapers would defend it. Hitting, raised voices and "because I said so" were acceptable and normal in most circles. It was a godawful time. Disclaimer not all parents attitudes at the time never did me any harm my kids turned out great blah blah blah.

Yeah gentle parenting! Nothing wrong with telling them off, small tap on the hand etc if they continue not to listen (and no, I’m not taking about beating them!)

The thing is, when kids had more independence and could play out in the street and go to the park on their own etc, you had short sharp concentrated discipline rather than constant micromanaging. You had to trust them to do what was right, so the penalty for slipping up had to be fairly harsh.

Not defending corporal punishment but the odd bollocking, in the broader context of being fairly hands off, seems ok!

This is why I didn’t want to be a mum. Because if all these opinions of other parents. I did want to have a child. And I bring him up as I see fit. He acts like a small boy. He’s lovely & funny. To me. I don’t give a monkeys what others think of my family.

Darling it wasn't a godawful time

Comedians often work to highlight wrong - and it was banned in schools during the 80s which tells you how things were changed

Also it wasn't everyone
I don't remember I was ever smacked and I dont recall any friends being hit

I am laughing that you put raised voices as being as bad as physical violence - you really have been raised badly if you are that delicate - it's your upbringing that's been flawed and not served you well

Surely on mumsnet it would be "do as you're fucking told'?

Kids are out of control now because they don't get told off properly.

Carrying a massive potty around in the bottom of your buggy.

If they can't hold on long enough to get to the supermarket/cafe/soft play toilet which is 30 seconds away, then they aren't ready to potty train. If you have them wee on it in a park then empty the wee onto the grass, just have them wee on the bloody grass and have one less thing to clean. There is absolutely no reason to cart a potty around and nobody did it 5-10 years ago.

Each to their own imo. I don't judge how others parent. If it helps, it helps 🤷‍♀️

The goal , the duty of being a parent is to raise a child to be a healthy and happy member of society

If you allow a child to hit others and take no action you are failing - no member of society adult or child should be hitting another and the child needs to learn there are consequences to bad behaviour or they won't change.

It is abuse to fail - it is abuse to overfeed a child and prevent them being healthy and it is abuse to fail to discipline a child to prevent them being part of society

If the child can't behave you should not take them out where they misbehave and hurt others

You didn't want children purely because people judge each other?

@kelsaycobbles , I'm really not interested in derailing the thread into a discussion about the shitness of 80s and 90s parenting. OP asked about crap parenting trends with particular focus on gentle parenting, I'm commenting that the prevalent parenting approaches in the 80s and 90s were worse than that, because they were. Authoritarian, parent-centred, pro-violence.

Thank God we've moved on, as I hope the thread can do too.

The amount of people I see pushing prams and walking with toddlers with air pods in 😮 blows my mind. Engage with them, talk, look at things. It's such a sad sight.

ipads can be a brilliant tool within reason. The sad fact is children can become very seriously addicted and non conversational if they are not exposed to other age appropriate stimulation and activities. When you see a hysterical child going red in the face in a public place you can guarantee it's highly likely the ipad has been mistakenly left at home.

I did want children, FuckStonewall. It was the idea of being a “mum” that didn’t appeal. There’s so much pressure on women to be perfect parents. I don’t think men get it as much. Delighted with my son. Could do without all the other shite!

The trend of being deliberately ignorant about what gentle parenting is? Threads and threads of OPs complaining about a situation while completely ignoring the posters pointing out its usually a total lack of parenting which is the problem.

Same! 😅

Oh but they were THERE and they did go and gently chat with their child when they got a minute and told him to calm down and stop hurting the other child after we'd done it half a dozen times.

I was in a cafeteria where a child was running wild, he collided with a lady carrying a tray of coffee, i will always be haunted by the screams of that poor child as i am sure his Mother always will be. There was no need for that accident to have happened.

🤦‍♀️

I disagree that parenting was worse in the 70s though - so ignoring that is kind of defeating the discussion on what is acceptable way of parenting

If you look at what is happening in schools today I think children are compared to previous generations very poorly behaved and certainly significantly overweight - and I am blaming current parenting trends for both those , and the lack of mental resilience of many young people is scary

It might not have been perfect but this thread has agreed ( in as much as an mn thread can) that perfection is an unnecessary goal so I suggest that a more disciplined parenting style such as was seen in the 80s may be overall better than the child driven and gentler approaches

( I
Making generalisations obviously)

Colouring books and crayons for under 3s in restaurants. I know parents are afraid of being judged for using screens so they can eat their meal before it's entirely stone cold, but it pains me to see your tiny children turning them into missiles or treating paraffin wax as a food source. If it comes to this, just stick Peppa Pig on silent for 5 minutes and gobble up your food quickly.

Gentle parenting sounds progressive but can be used as a cop out I reckon. It reminds me of one mum I used to know who was evangelical about "baby led weaning" which was a thing in the 2000s no idea of it still is. She was all about finger foods etc baby holding and shoving food in mouth etc and using normal food not purees etc but what this actually meant was draping maccy Donald's fries and nuggets on the high chair for small toddler to grab.