Advice you’d never share in real life …

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because it would be TMI, or shows a side of you that you prefer not to be seen, etc.

I’ll start 😊

Never let out a large fart while pant-less after applying haemorrhoid cream. Especially when a internal application has been required.

With pants I imagine it’s also pretty bad but more .. contained.

thank me later x

If you're out for the day, far from the loo, with small children, carry one if those flexible hairwashing jug things with you in case they need to pee. Equally suitable for boys or girls.

Open front and back doors on one side of the car to create a cubicle-like space for their privacy, while you stand in the gap as the fourth wall.

For extra privacy for girls in trousers, pop on an elasticated skirt for the duration.

Tip away wee and rinse jug with water. Wash hands.

Doctors used to help 'hysteria' with providing orgasms and I think I read somewhere that that's what the dildo was invented for?

Try not to get in the habit of leaving your knickers inside your jeans when you throw them off at night. Cos the next day when you’re in a shoes shop and you pull your jeans up to try on some new shoes, yesterdays pants may fall out the ankle.

Freud recommended this...

He (Freud) held that the belief that the cause of hysteria was not physiological but originated deep within the mind. He also believed that in most cases, this hysteria was related to some of sexual incident in the patient's life. Consequently, he proposed that in such cases, manipulation of the patient's genitalia causing sexual arousal should form part of the treatment.

https://www.sigmundfreud.net/studies-on-hysteria.jsp

Some of these are eminently sensible bits of advice. Why wouldn’t you share them? Eg washing up liquid etc to help flush recalcitrant turds.

Place marking

Cystitis - wear a sanitary towel so you can wee whenever and wherever you want. If it's just a painful little dribble you don't want to be running to the toilet every time you get the urge. You may feel smug at your inventiveness.
However...be aware that what may feel like a painful little dribble may be a massive wee that has built up from all the water you've been drinking. Said sanitary towel may not be up to the task of absorbing the torrent as quickly as you'd hope and the overspill may lead to shame and embarrassment.

Don’t ever mix up canisten and deep heat cream. Both came in a red and white tube, it being dark and me not realising the deep heat cream was in the same place I didn’t bother to read the label. Treatment for mixing those two up is to pour a lot of cold water in that region, especially when you are doing a pee. I had to brave a call to the NHS out of hours so you don’t have to.

Not read the whole thread so apologies if already mentioned but if you have awful constipation and it's to big/solid to come out you can put you fingers inside your vagina and help pop it out. Grim as that sounds, it's better than having to go up the other side

Stop saying Oh My God all the time. It's incredibly tedious. And don't make every sentence sound like a question. It makes me want to slap you. "I went out? Couldn't start the car? Had to get the bus? etc etc. (Best friend of nearly twenty years.)

If you want a frozen gateau to defrost a bit quicker while you're making dinner, put it on top of your cooker hood and it cuts the waiting time right down. Do not try to microwave a gateau before your family come home because you have a raging period and a bad case of munchies.

I always carry one of those little nets you get at the petshop for scooping out goldfish for this very purpose.

Not so much anymore, most companies now are bag only services, the take the bag out and leave the bin/put a new bag in.

Waterproof trousers hold your farts in and the miasma spreads when you take them off.

That's all I have to say about that.

Oh goodness....another one! And this time it's even premeditated!

Only Fannys by name, Only Fannys by nature! 😉

It's not funny if I have to explain I'm joking...
Of course I don't do that, scooping a turd out and putting it in the sanitary bin is disgusting.

That up speak is known, tongue in cheek, by some linguists, as the Australian Interrogative. It’s rife here; I just saw ‘but if you’re not online, you cant post?’. Are you asking us or telling us? ‘But Paris isn’t in Spain?’ Just bloody stop it!

As Glastonbury and summer festivals are coming up:
A shewee and a bottle save you queueing for the toilets in the morning, or having to escape the tent during the night.
A plastic bag with a plastic container from eg supermarket fruit works as a disposable potty for turds
(Obviously I camp solo)

Flush the toilet in a public toilet when your poo vacates your butthole... The flush masks the plopping sound

😂😂😂

I have got the 2nd one, but I can’t work out the first one 😁

Lysistrata it is. Brilliant play.

Leave him, he is an utter utter cunt who is bloody awful for your self esteem and an tight arse to boot (whilst spending a ridiculous amount on himself).

I wouldn't say this because I already have once and I don't think there's any point repeating myself I don't think she wants to hear it. Such a shame as she is lovely and I think would blossom on her own.

There's a few people I could actually say this to, the amount of people who let themselves be stuck in unhappy relationships is bloody depressing.

Leave him, he is an utter utter cunt who is bloody awful for your self esteem and an tight arse to boot (whilst spending a ridiculous amount on himself).

I wouldn't say this because I already have once and I don't think there's any point repeating myself I don't think she wants to hear it. Such a shame as she is lovely and I think would blossom on her own.

There's a few people I could actually say this to, the amount of people who let themselves be stuck in unhappy relationships is bloody depressing.

Is this you trying to steer the conversation away from bodily fluids?😂