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Original poster

Advice you’d never share in real life …

437 replies

Spink · 18/06/2023 18:38

because it would be TMI, or shows a side of you that you prefer not to be seen, etc.

I’ll start 😊

Never let out a large fart while pant-less after applying haemorrhoid cream. Especially when a internal application has been required.

With pants I imagine it’s also pretty bad but more .. contained.

thank me later x

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 19/06/2023 14:52

If 2 sugar free sweets have a laxative effect, 5 is a spectacularly bad idea.

No matter how desperate you are to be unbunged, no one needs to eject that amount, that rapidly.

quietlycontent · 19/06/2023 14:55

If your recently potty trained toddler needs a wee in a traffic jam and you are stuck actually on the top of the QE2 crossing with him and his 3 month old brother both strapped into a car seat you can 'talk him through' getting the old winky out and peeing directly into a new born sized nappy to much hilarity!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 19/06/2023 14:58

In a friend’s house in Majorca, too. If you need a poo (and draw the line at putting poo paper in the bin) you have to use her own en-suite loo, which is a bit awkward if you get the urge in the middle of the night.

NoisyBrain · 19/06/2023 14:58

Never wash a large serving of grapes and a croissant down with a cup of coffee just before embarking on a 1-hour plus car journey with your in-laws.

(Just to add to all the poo-related advice)

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 19/06/2023 14:59

If you're menopausal and a) getting witchy, frizzy hair, and b) dry in an intimate place, then to save on packing when traveling take lube with you to use for both. It makes a good hair serum, particularly the Lovehoney brand!

terrywynne · 19/06/2023 14:59

Nojumpingorrunning · 19/06/2023 13:28

Oh my. Learn something new everyday

Show quote history

Disappointingly, following the link to the entry for the main character says that the historical research was unsound and that he specifically didn't use his vibrator on women with hysteria.

FangsForTheMemory · 19/06/2023 15:02

NothingButShiteOnTV · 18/06/2023 19:53

@Stickybackplasticbear I only have a shower!!! I do have a bidet next to the loo though so the last time I was very poorly I had to sit Sideways on the toilet and vomit into the bidet.....

I thought the normal thing was to get on the loo with a bowl between your knees, but I am quite sophisticated.

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 19/06/2023 15:13

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 19/06/2023 14:59

If you're menopausal and a) getting witchy, frizzy hair, and b) dry in an intimate place, then to save on packing when traveling take lube with you to use for both. It makes a good hair serum, particularly the Lovehoney brand!

Excellent advice!

But how did you figure it out.....?

oohyoudevilyou · 19/06/2023 15:14

The body of your electric toothbrush can be used an improvised Rabbit for swift migraine/period pain/restless leg therapy

GooseyDiLoosey · 19/06/2023 15:16

NoisyBrain · 19/06/2023 14:58

Never wash a large serving of grapes and a croissant down with a cup of coffee just before embarking on a 1-hour plus car journey with your in-laws.

(Just to add to all the poo-related advice)

But…. Why??? (Feeling v innocent here, genuinely drawing a blank 😅)

chatelai · 19/06/2023 15:16

This thread has made me snort ( the real version of LOL) four times today. Your post has almost made me cry with giggling in empathy. I now need to try this. I'm guessing the more expensive silicone based slidy stuff, not the water based as I imagine that looks rather unfortunate on drying!

chatelai · 19/06/2023 15:17

that was to TheFreaks....btw. Thought I'd quoted,

LordBuckley · 19/06/2023 15:20

If you[re getting frequent cystitis, do NOT have PIV sex immediately after anal unless you[ve both washed in between.

CammieKennaway · 19/06/2023 15:24

Don't go out to pick up a fallen plant and it's pot in a floaty dress and no knickers on a windy morning, especially when you live on a Close with nosy neighbours!
I'd just got out of the shower when I could hear our metal plantpot blowing to and fro across our shared drive, so thought nothing of "just popping out" to get it - I just didn't expect my naked bum to pop out too!

CammieKennaway · 19/06/2023 15:24

*its

Ratonastick · 19/06/2023 15:25

2bazookas · 19/06/2023 11:45

If your knickers fall round your ankles in public, just step out of them, scoop them up into your bag or handbag, say absolutely nothing, do not make eyecontact with the audience, act like it never happened.

“audience”. ? Oh dear God! I think I have woken up screaming from that precise nightmare before a big presentation.

DustyLee123 · 19/06/2023 15:26

LordBuckley · 19/06/2023 15:20

If you[re getting frequent cystitis, do NOT have PIV sex immediately after anal unless you[ve both washed in between.

It’s always the stink after the pink 🤣🤣

MeinKraft · 19/06/2023 15:28

When you start taking Sertraline it might make you shit yourself slightly. Take them at night, you'll have to run to the toilet in the morning but it'll save you having to cut short your pleasant forest walk or trip to the park.

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 19/06/2023 15:30

Re: the lube... I had some on my hands after a messy application (for its intended purpose) failure, and noticed the similarity in texture to my hair serum. I coincidentally had freshly washed and still wet hair, so I smoothed it through, blow dried, and voilà: sleek hair! 😌

Coronationstation · 19/06/2023 15:31

lazywednesday · 18/06/2023 19:23

you can do your morning wee in the shower to save time

it saves water too ;)

IMustDoMoreExercise · 19/06/2023 15:33

InvincibleInvisibility · 19/06/2023 01:31

If have the squits/are on holiday in a hotel with really rough toilet paper : savlon on the paper to wipe helps a) clean and b) sooth.

Orgasms apparently help with migraines too. Apparently Drs used to 'help' women get rid of headaches with a bit of hand action...

Or just wet the paper and put soap on it.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 19/06/2023 15:36

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 19/06/2023 14:07

Apologies if it's been said already, but I saw some great advice on here once... if you feel the irritation that means piles are starting, soak a cotton pad in distilled witch hazel, press it up against your anus so your cheeks hold it in place and leave it there for as long as you can. It's really, really good for calming them back down.

Also wipe as little as possible...if you can, just go straight in the shower and wash with soap.

I guess that's my secret advice.

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If you can't get in the shower, use one of these:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07YDQTRWB?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details

Avatartar · 19/06/2023 15:39

Horrific no warning osmotic diarrhoea from eating 2 packets of sugar free Swiss herbal sweets( bought in airport to use up spare cash). It was sudden, cascading, full speed and repetitive - I was really scared until I googled it. I am forever thankful that I ate them WFH and not on the plane or in the car! They didn’t even taste nice either - they should be banned!

midsomermurderess · 19/06/2023 15:43

Stop being so wet! Do an assertiveness course, it will transform your life.

Fizzyjuiceisreal · 19/06/2023 15:44

Blanketpolicy · 19/06/2023 12:38

Ewwww! You would be standing/kneeling in vom and shit and trying to get it down the plug hole?

Buy a reasonable sized bathroom bin that is watertight and washable, it can be quickly emptied onto the floor and used for vom while sitting on toilet. Bin can be emptied in toilet.

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Agree ewwww. What's wrong with sitting on the toilet with an old washing up bowl to catch the vomit?