Advice you’d never share in real life …

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because it would be TMI, or shows a side of you that you prefer not to be seen, etc.

I’ll start 😊

Never let out a large fart while pant-less after applying haemorrhoid cream. Especially when a internal application has been required.

With pants I imagine it’s also pretty bad but more .. contained.

thank me later x

On a similar note:
If you're quick, you can tip the remaining Maltesers from a large pack, in to the hands of one small child, and still have time to get the empty pack under the mouth of the imminently vomiting other small child, just in time for them to fill it to the brim. And all whilst sat in the second row of the Pantomime at your local theatre, and with hardly anyone noticing. Those who do notice will praise your skill. You do have to leave sharpish though in case it happens again and you had foregone a second bag of chocolates...

If you pop out to the car at lunch time to have a quick nap, set at least 10 alarms so you don't oversleep and end up 30 minutes late back to work 👀

You need to realise that they are the correct receptacles for inco products, and so should be absolutely fine with poo.

If they're not, seek a different provider.

If DIY, then it means you need a better cleaning rota (warm menstrual blood also rots and has a distinctive and unpleasant odour, in much the same timeframe)

Fantastic. Toilet situation puts me off festivals.
When I went to glasto I walked back to toilets near the car

If both parties in a relationship, who love each other dearly, both come down with food poisoning and both need to use the only toilet in the house at the same time, is it acceptable for one of the parties, in such a dire emergency, to use the cats litter tray?

Just asking for a friend.

Well, it's better than shitting yourself or shitting on the floor surely?

FizzyJuiceIsReal Yes, provided the cat isn't already using the tray.

Don't use tea tree or mint shower gel, unless you want flaps of fire.

Use germoloids cream/suppositories on your piles, because they contain lidocaine and make your bum go numb. Aaah, the relief!

If you lurk around a corner while your cat is using the litter box and then quickly flick the resulting poop into the toilet (with the poop scoop) before they have had a chance to turn around and inspect it you can totally freak them out.

😀

I don't like pineapple.
Would other fruits work? Or should I ask my greengrocer?

Never marry a dad of spoilt entitled adult kids. They will never stop competing with you and stop at nothing to cause trouble between you . Everyone knows my dh where l live so can only complain to one or two very close friends/ members of my family.

😀No, but the cat witnessed everything and was appalled.

Small business's should still be paying for sanitary bin removal to be fair. Im sure the poster wouldnt expect you to do that in a normal bin. Professional san bins are obvious. The bins are cleaned by machines.

Ooooh I found my person. Had to do this in M&S near Cheshire Oaks. Never told a soul it happened. Needless to say fast exit from the store that day.

"Orgasms apparently help with migraines too. Apparently Drs used to 'help' women get rid of headaches with a bit of hand action..."

As a long time migraine sufferer, sadly I've never found this to be true. For me at least.

A bf when I was young obsessed himself with the idea though, unfortunately he wasn't able to give me a good enough time to test the the theory!

Sanitary bins have a solution in them (or they used to at PHS where I used to work) which stops any nasty smells. If the bin does start to smell, then you have not had it emptied regularly enough. Machines are used and we are all donned up like beekeepers. You really dont need to worry. Great job actually, used to pay very very well. Did it as a student many moons ago. Also did the delivering and pick up in a grey van. Great job.

My son informed me that a large sausage poo that disappears right down the bend is known as a 'ghostie' - during a conversation about the effectiveness of Aldi's Dark Rye Sough Dough loaf!

If you are ever faced with the choice of cleaning explosive shit off your preschooler or your radiator in the middle of winter, ALWAYS choose the radiator!!

I’ve always suffered with, to me, a strong odour around the vulva. It’s 100% a normal smell, I just don’t like it. I now use the BV gel tubes every 2-3 days but instead of inserting up, I just smear some around my vulva. No more smell even after a long hot 13 hour shift at work

When you have a cold and your nose won't stop running like a tap...Grab his t shirt and use it instead of tissues.
It is so much softer on your nose and means less waste ....just make sure you chuck it into the washing machine not the laundry basket. As it goes a bit stiff.

Well in that case "Houston, we have a problem."

Should he be wearing it or not?

Don't fart after anal sex, or for a fair while afterwards (especially not in Aldi).

Never give a blow job to a man who has recently eaten asparagus.

As PP have said, avoid Jerusalem Artichokes.

Or use a cotton handkerchief? Even softer, much less washing needed.