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Original poster

Advice you’d never share in real life …

437 replies

Spink · 18/06/2023 18:38

because it would be TMI, or shows a side of you that you prefer not to be seen, etc.

I’ll start 😊

Never let out a large fart while pant-less after applying haemorrhoid cream. Especially when a internal application has been required.

With pants I imagine it’s also pretty bad but more .. contained.

thank me later x

OP posts:
BlumminKids · 19/06/2023 21:29

If you are having a poo at work and worry that the next user will smell it, sit as far back as possible and make sure that all your legs and bum skin cover the seat opening. When you are coming to the very end of your poo, flush, and then wipe and put the loo roll in the sani bin. Guaranteed no smell. I have however shared this with the girls at work. It works for us all x

ChrissyShenkle · 19/06/2023 21:33

Regarding the victorian doctors , that's where the phrase "good bedside manner" comes from

IShallAllowIt · 19/06/2023 21:40

SusanSHelit · 18/06/2023 20:27

Orgasms are also quite good at easing period pain. Just be sure to put a dark towel down first

They are indeed!

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 19/06/2023 21:42

Never give a baby beetroot, for as you sow so shall you reap.

Siriusmuggle · 19/06/2023 21:50

If your child needs to vomit whilst you’re doing 60 on a dual carriage way, under no circumstances tell said child to open the window and be sick out of it. This advice comes from my husband who ended up sprayed with vomit whilst driving.

Puffalicious · 19/06/2023 22:07

NameChangedToHideMyShame · 19/06/2023 13:39

I apologise in advance for the image I'm about to create. (Maybe skip on ahead if you're eating).

If your poo has gotten stuck at the last hurdle, so to speak, you can insert your thumb inside your vagina and manually push it out.

Discovered while changing my moon cup, if anyone is wondering. This has saved me sooo much discomfort, so I'm passing it on as an act of public service to others who are regularly constipated.

This has actually blown my tiny mind. I've jusy tried it and it absolutely works! Amazing. Who'd have thought it?!

Thank you so much.

Lemonadestands · 19/06/2023 22:15

Puffalicious · 19/06/2023 22:07

This has actually blown my tiny mind. I've jusy tried it and it absolutely works! Amazing. Who'd have thought it?!

Thank you so much.

Show quote history

Ladies, that’s a type of prolapse. You can get treatment. Just FYI.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/rectocele/symptoms-causes/syc-20353414

Posterior vaginal prolapse (rectocele) - Symptoms and causes

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/rectocele/symptoms-causes/syc-20353414

ClemFandango1 · 19/06/2023 22:18

If you want to have a period orgasm with minimal mess, you can use both an external vibe and some of any internal toy with a mooncup in.

eosmum · 19/06/2023 22:21

YouveCatToBeKittenMe · 19/06/2023 11:06

I dont advise jumping out a window to save your cat from a fox
i now have a full leg cast and the elderly cat was pts 2 weeks later anyway
Its very hard to do most everyday chores whilst holding two crutches

Sorry about your cat. But I’d bet you’d do it again in a heartbeat.😉

Norfolkungood · 19/06/2023 22:27

If you need to use ointment or have had surgery on piles wear a sanitary pad/panty liner in the back of your underwear. Keeps your underwear clean and offers a layer of padding for your sore bottom.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/06/2023 22:34

LethalSkills · 19/06/2023 11:21

I have IBS and bile salt malabsorption, my poos are always no 7 on the Bristol Stool Chart and now I am so sick of thinking I have finished going, then I start a shower and have to keep getting out to carry on poohing, I now just squat and do it in the bath, its just yellow liquid and is easier to clean myself too😬

I have this too, @LethalSkills (and lymphocytic colitis) and I take cholestyramine tablets every day - they bind the bile acid so it can’t irritate the large intestine and cause the diarrhoea. It’s what my GI consultant recommends.

Cherryblossoms85 · 19/06/2023 22:40

Don't forget to take off your tights and pants before sitting down on the loo. Nope, i was not drunk, I was at work.

ShandaLear · 19/06/2023 22:44

If you need a poo in, for example, Marks and Spencer, grab a length of 6-7 squares of loo roll, scrunch them lightly, and pop them in the bowl. When you drop your log, the paper catches it and escorts it gently into the water so there is no splash.

Ofcourseshecan · 19/06/2023 23:01

YouveCatToBeKittenMe · 19/06/2023 11:06

I dont advise jumping out a window to save your cat from a fox
i now have a full leg cast and the elderly cat was pts 2 weeks later anyway
Its very hard to do most everyday chores whilst holding two crutches

You are a hero and I’d buy you a drink any time, Youve. I hope that helps.

SunIsShininInTheSky · 19/06/2023 23:02

BlumminKids · 19/06/2023 21:29

If you are having a poo at work and worry that the next user will smell it, sit as far back as possible and make sure that all your legs and bum skin cover the seat opening. When you are coming to the very end of your poo, flush, and then wipe and put the loo roll in the sani bin. Guaranteed no smell. I have however shared this with the girls at work. It works for us all x

But the backs of your legs are spattered with poo crumbs from the flush, anything in that toilet is spattered in that flush so not just your own poo! I'd rather a smell than be caked in other people's microscopic toilet debris! Yuck 🤮

DownWithBreadsticks · 19/06/2023 23:09

Spink · 19/06/2023 18:03

How did you discover this sock-anus magic?

Show quote history

Well, essentially I was lying in bed one night in agony with my sore anus, and I thought: “I need something to wick away the moisture. Like my knickers do when my sweaty vag threatens to give me the bikini line eczema”

A sock just seemed sensible.

Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “put a sock in it”, eh?

DownWithBreadsticks · 19/06/2023 23:13

ShandaLear · 19/06/2023 22:44

If you need a poo in, for example, Marks and Spencer, grab a length of 6-7 squares of loo roll, scrunch them lightly, and pop them in the bowl. When you drop your log, the paper catches it and escorts it gently into the water so there is no splash.

Seeing this one pop up a lot and I’d just like all of my fellow MNers to know that this is called “The Baffle”

Veescience · 19/06/2023 23:14

To get rid of the smell after going for a number two, light some matches and waft them. Only try not to set off smoke alarm

VWT5 · 19/06/2023 23:23

PrincessHoneysuckle · 19/06/2023 12:35

Thought of another one.

If you're trying to poo and it won't come out easily but is nearly there,sick it back up and immense push.It should come straight out

…or a tiny mustard spoon might prove helpful - in absolute extremis
(5 days post surgery and no movement…)

Theseboobsweremadeforwalking · 19/06/2023 23:28

Seeing as this has turned into a poo thread, always wash hands thoroughly after handling money in Egypt, and definitely don't go straight to the buffet. Especially after hammering the all inclusive drinks.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 19/06/2023 23:35

Stickybackplasticbear · 18/06/2023 19:19

If you have a vomiting bug and it's coming out of both ends get in the bath to puke.

Why not just use the boke basin whilst on the toilet? That's what I do!

Surely2023IsTheYearForMyRainbowBaby · 19/06/2023 23:43

Fizzyjuiceisreal · 19/06/2023 20:15

If both parties in a relationship, who love each other dearly, both come down with food poisoning and both need to use the only toilet in the house at the same time, is it acceptable for one of the parties, in such a dire emergency, to use the cats litter tray?

Just asking for a friend.

I had to pee in the Cats litter tray after our ex lodger got absolutely wasted one night on pimms. Puked up and passed out in the toilet right behind the toilet door so I couldn't get in to A drag him out and B have a piss. ExH was at work and I was desperate for the toilet. Don't think Moggy god rest his soul was very pleased about me hovering over his litter tray to relieve myself. Mind you neither was I when we finally got the lodger out and I ended up spending ages cleaning the toilet out and it still stank of puked up pimms 6 months down the line. The smell alone has put me off the stuff for life!

Hawkins0001 · 19/06/2023 23:50

DownWithBreadsticks · 19/06/2023 17:43

You know when you’ve had the shits all day and you’ve wiped your backside red-raw? (See also: spicy food.)
Now your ring is so sore you can barely sleep or even speak…. Take a single sock and lay it very flat. Then place it betwixt your buttocks, so that the heel rests lightly against your sorry anus. Lie on your side and put a box set on. You’re welcome.

Another perspective, to prevent any soreness I've used wet wipes and they don't have any soreness like using tissues has

Orders76 · 19/06/2023 23:52

Stickybackplasticbear · 18/06/2023 19:19

If you have a vomiting bug and it's coming out of both ends get in the bath to puke.

Toilet and sink option is so much better than sitting in your own vom , 😷🤢

porridgeisbae · 20/06/2023 00:29

I suppose whether someone had the toilet/sink option would depend on where the sink is positioned relative to the loo. My bathroom is very small but I think where it happens to be would still be awkward. Thankfully I haven't had a sickness bug in this flat yet.