Son hurt me. With this (pic)

[271726a]

My son is 16 he kept going on at me over food . I feel ill. I have food in freezer /cupboards . He does not want it. He would not leave me alone. I feel total shit. My other kids are ill as well. I told him to leave me alone.

He then went to his room. He still kept messaging me over food. I'm the end I went to his room and said stop we are ill you need to stop your 16 your old enough to sort yourself food.

He told me to get out . I did I closed the door. He then came out a throw a bottle at me. It don't seem like much but it really hurt . He's been aggressive in the past. And really nasty . But he's never physically touched me.

I can't take this anymore. I told him tp leave he's gone I have no idea where i think he will contact out of hours social services.

Yeah, he isn't fully formed - he's going to get even bigger than six foot fucking four. And he already knows that verbal abuse can go on unhindered - he cannot be allowed to think that he can use his exceptional size and strength to intimidate and hurt women who don't follow his orders.

If he wants to go to college, he would be supported to do so. If he wants to do an apprenticeship, he would be supported to do so. If he wants a job, he would be supported to do so. And the OP would be safe from him, because she certainly isn't now.

To give an idea of how dangerous somebody of that size can be, it's big enough to pick me up by the throat and choke me, feet dangling until I almost passed out. I weighed about 15 stone at the time, too. One handed.

You need to nip this in the bud now.

I speak from experience.

My mother never took my brother's outbursts seriously when he was a teenager.

He's now 37, still lives with her, is emotionally abusive with her everyday and was physically abusive with her in the past to a point where the police had to be called (including strangling)

OP I suggest you chase CAMHS for an ADHD assessment or arrange this privately if you have funds.

Whilst I don't know either what the full sorry is, these responses are a bit odd. Surely it stands to reason that this could escalate significantly. People answer as if he's an 8 year old being a bit of a dick, not a physically fully grown man with mental health issues. I would be terrified of him. It's quite possible that there is a lack of boundary setting that has made him feel entitled to behave this way, but that's absolutely no excuse. At that age he is responsible for his behaviour, and he will know very well that throwing a full bottle would hurt his mother. The amount of blaming the woman is a bit bizarre.

What a horrible thing to say.

How about the abusive grown man is an idiot? Would you tell a woman with an abusive husband she was an idiot?

Change the locks. Don’t let him back in, don’t let your other kids let him back in. Put his entire worldly good in bin bags and leave in the front garden for him to take with him. If he comes bleating about “what should he do,” tell the little shit to join the army if he likes hurting people so much.

if this was about a stepchild the implication would be there is another household for them to go to. Posters pointing out the brutality/scarcity of the care system aren’t over egging it.

Social Services involvement is not always a bad thing. We've had social services involvement on and off since my oldest was 13 due to her mental health. The majority of them were utterly useless and had no impact on our lives at all but some of them were helpful.

OP needs help. Advising her not to call SS is irresponsible. Her own safety and that of her other children is just as important as the safety of the 16yo.

tell the little shit to join the army if he likes hurting people so much

He’s under CAMHS. The army won’t touch him.

OP this sounds horrendous for you, and I honestly can't think what you're meant to do or how you are meant to control or parent someone who is the size of full grown man and is being violent towards you.

On MN women are rightfully advised that they shouldn't have to live with violence against them in their own homes in most cases, but unfortunately when the offender is a son, the women is often expected to essentially be a punchbag.

What a horrible thing to say about a woman dealing with violent outbursts from her son. Absolutely horrible. This is one of those posts on mumsnet that does the opposite of restoring my faith in humanity. Restoring my cynicism in the human race, more like.

Genuinely I don't care what you think of my comment. That poster didn't give any advice to OP but scaremonger her with an example of her mother who yes, I think is an idiot. Sometimes people grow up to be abusive assholes, despite a brilliant childhood and all the interventions in the world. However, to keep that child under your roof until they're 37?! and strangling you, is idiotic.

That's such a wish washy thing to say. In practice how would that work?

Is she suppose to ground him? Or what exactly?

Throwing him out seems rather extreme. You have been quite defensive when others have said that. He threw something out of frustration. He over reacted and it seems like you have too. His behaviour isn't great, but I do think that dealing with his behaviour would bring better results than throwing him onto the streets. I would calm down then, when you feel better, sit down and discuss his behaviour and get him to suggest what is acceptable behaviour if he is to live in your home. He needs to be accountable and responsible for his own behaviour. Once he has agreed what is acceptable, then write up the rules. You may find that you can also suggest improvements or changes that you could make. Once done, write it up and stick it up on the wall. It's a much more successful approach than you trying to tell a 16 year old boy off.

Seconding this too. He's fucking dangerous. At what point is OP allowed to protect herself? Jesus...

He does know how . He's always ringing social services out of hours . He did it last week because I told him that since he gets 15.00 a week . Plus I pay 18 a month for his phone. And all the other bits he gets in between that he should be helping me out a bit . He threw a massive tantrum. And called social services. They called me and the mad thing is he actually told them what i Said above. He did not even try to make out like it was more. Also in the past he has threatened with social services so I told him it's his right to call them and he can if he wants to.

Unless you know OP personally you have no way of knowing this. OP is not the only influence in her son's life and she's made it pretty fucking clear that he has additional needs.

Jesus.

Some women will bend over backward to make male behaviour a woman's fault, won't they?

Really....

Probably you didn't have any children with ADHD. Impulsivity and low frustration tolerance are absolutely typical. Read up on ADHD OP it might help you to understand his behaviour.

You need to let whoever is going to be doing his assessment know that his behaviour has escalated OP and push for assessment. This is a child with probable SEN who is lashing out - is it acceptable? - no of course not but he is not coping and needs help, support and quite possibly medication. Call SS, call the police or whatever but he needs your help and support even if that is from a safe distance.

You also need to stop being a martyr and get yourself checked out, I get like you when my iron levels are low so at least try taking a good multi vitamin with iron. Good luck, but please don't just abandon him, he needs you more now than ever so he doesn't become the man that all the man haters on here say he already is.

Fortunately for me my kids were all well behaved as teens but even so I can see that some of the suggestions on this thread are ridiculous. Posters will be suggesting getting a chart and giving good behavior stickers soon. 🫤

@Ds16dv

Really!

@Frequency

Oh dear…. His poor needs. Probably stem from his parents in which case his mother has played a part. Not everything is autism or adhd sometimes kids are just massive violent twats because of the way they were brought up and it can come back and bite you on the arse.

The only person I feel sorry for in this is his future wife.