Son hurt me. With this (pic)

[271726a]

My son is 16 he kept going on at me over food . I feel ill. I have food in freezer /cupboards . He does not want it. He would not leave me alone. I feel total shit. My other kids are ill as well. I told him to leave me alone.

He then went to his room. He still kept messaging me over food. I'm the end I went to his room and said stop we are ill you need to stop your 16 your old enough to sort yourself food.

He told me to get out . I did I closed the door. He then came out a throw a bottle at me. It don't seem like much but it really hurt . He's been aggressive in the past. And really nasty . But he's never physically touched me.

I can't take this anymore. I told him tp leave he's gone I have no idea where i think he will contact out of hours social services.

Yes this.

You are still responsible for him. Yes get some professional help. Sounds like you need it. Whatever it takes. Yes, rethink your parenting techniques. Yes, a long and hard discussion over acceptable behaviour and respect. Yes withdraw privileges etc until he learns.

But throw him out? To what? The drunks and druggies in the hostels just waiting for naive "fresh meat" to abuse? That's the reality, you could be starting him down a long road of terrible choices and a dark future. Or you could be the parent who sorts him out, rather than leaving him to the mercy of unknown adults.

lol poor 'child'. Can guarantee 100% if this was a stepchild situation the replies would be saying never to allow him in the house again, keep him away from/protect the other children, Op deserves to feel safe in her own home etc...

OP, please, please ignore the teary responses on this thread. Some posters enjoy being nasty to people online. I think they are sick in the head.

Even if they genuinely believed you were to blame for your 16 year old sons violence they could phrase it constructively but they don't because their main purpose is to be nasty.

Do you have anyone else in real life who can help you?

For heaven’s sake- he’s not fully formed at 16.
His behaviour was really really bad, but rather than just make him the state’s problem, how about working on his behaviour. You know that making him homeless now, at the end of GCSE’s could scupper any hopes for future education, right?

OP phone social services out of hours and speak to them.

I am also surprised at some of the replies on here. Had he thrown the bottle at one of your other children, or someone’s daughter sister etc, the replies would have been totally different and until such times as a mother is in the exact same position as you, no one knows how they would have reacted or what they would have done.

It absolutely cannot go unnoticed he was violent, and maybe some time away from the house will do him good however, you do have to think whether he has somewhere safe to go to as the last thing you want is him on the streets.

Where is his father? Does he has a father figure in his life who can speak to him?

To the poster who said the boy has had terrible parenting…..get a fucking grip from this snapshot that the OP has told us you absolutely can or cannot say he has had terrible parenting

Typo.. nasty not teary*

A pp said that she still needs to look after her 16 year old when sick? A 16 year old can put a pizza in the oven! How did we get to this point in society where the bar is so low? I was able to make a sandwich since I was about 7! Honestly, standards for behaviour are so low!

That post shocked me too. It's no wonder we have so many entitled men in society these days if this is the response a violet 16yo male gets after assaulting his sick mother for not pandering to his childish tantrum.

I remember having flu so bad once that I cried and begged the kids (11 and 8 at the time) to phone an ambulance for me. I physically could not call one myself. I couldn't stop vomiting for long enough nor could I bring myself to look at the phone screen. The 8yo pottered off with my phone. I vaguely remember hearing the 11yo tell her if she phoned an ambulance they'd have to go and live with their dad. I passed out shortly afterward and woke up 12 hours later with four cups of cold tea and a cheese sandwich on my bedside table.

After dragging myself downstairs I found they'd also fed the dogs and made themselves frozen pizza for tea. The house was a complete shit tip but they'd tried.

At 16 the child should be caring for his mother and siblings when they're ill not throwing things and demanding to be waited on.

I agree. The only possible mitigation for their remarks is that they're maybe imagining their own sweet Nigel Junior or his chums, having an uncharacteristic temper tantrum; rather than this out of control and abusive 6' 4" teen, and are speaking from naivety about some people's reality.

If you don’t want to take responsibility for your 16 year old child then YOU call social services. You brought this kid up so give your head a wobble and at least do the right thing rather than leave a person (let alone your own child) sleeping on the streets.

👋

Sorry you've had to endure this from your son.

Please don't listen to those who are telling you to call the police on him! it's pathetic and ridiculous, and he will just resent you.

It sounds like he has anger and other issues, not sure of your financial situation but private therapy will help.

I have been here op, I know how you feel. I finally called the police and now hie is 18 he knows the consequences are real he hasn't been violent since.
Call the police and get them to speak to him. He needs a fright. Big hug, you don't deserve the shit you got here.

If you are on facebook, take a look at Newbold Hope x I agree with others, you can’t just kick out but you do need support. Do you really want ss involved?

Well you can take him in as you think her parenting is shit

what a horrible thing to say to someone at the end of their tether

oh and folks saying phone SS hahahah that’s a joke as he’s 16 they will make noises but do nowt about it as they are overwhelmed as it is. Now the police they might do something but mostly not

Yes, but he didn't just arrive on her doorstep as a fully developed 16 year old. Assumedly he has lived with her for 16 years.

At 16 you have a responsibility to him. Just because he is male and actingly violently you can't just wash your hands of him, you need to teach him how to act properly. He may be 16 but he isn't an adult.

Ok so my original reply was based on OP post. I did make an assumption - that OP would have given more history if there was history, it did sound like a one off over reaction on both sides.

Now we have a bit more info, I'm going to say Op needs to get on to the services and push push push for extra help.

I still don't think throwing him out and leaving him to find his own way is a great tactic, but if there's somewhere else SAFE he can go for a while, that would be good. By safe I mean friends or family, NOT into the care system. It's not safe for a 16 year old.

I'm not sure that the possibility of not going to uni is going to be the most relevant worry for this young man or his mum. Probably best she concentrates on not having to go into hospital, and him not going to a young offenders unit first.

Hi @Ds16dv - has your son been assessed for additional needs?
His meltdown/outburst could have been in relation to his needs not being met.

How is he at school & home normally? Was this a one-off unusual incident?

Making him homeless seems harsh but you all obviously need support as a family to help him, no matter what his difficulties are.

💯 agree here

Christ, my 4yo can go to the fridge and (messily) make herself a sandwich. Yet a poor little 6’4 16yo “child” can’t be expected to do this, and must be excused when he throws objects at his (ill) mother.

Jesus H Christ.

OP, I’m sorry you are going through this. Call the police on him; he needs to learn there are consequences to violent behavior.

Who are all these parents whose children sometimes throw things at them??

Four children and not one has ever thrown something at me! (And eldest is almost 20). I'm shocked it's apparently so common place. I didn't throw things when I was younger either.

@Ds16dv you must be in shock. I would call social services myself tbh because of his age, but violent behaviour is not on and it will progress if not dealt with seriously.

And a 16 year old is capable of making themselves something to eat!

This!

This is a time to parent with form boundaries, not a time to disown him

You really do need to push with the GP to find out a cause and treatment for your breathlessness. It’s not ‘just one of those things’ and needs proper attention.

I’m not surprised your ds doesn’t understand why he behaves the way he does or feels what he does. A diagnosis and support for adhd/as might be helpful but it’s not outside the realms of possibility that he’s been a fairly standard teenager who is feeling insecure and is blaming you for experiencing those feelings. That’s not a criticism but it’s really not uncommon for adults to think they’re hiding things when actually children can sense our unease.

You know how OP parents? Are you a friend or relative of hers?

There's only a few replies suggesting op should let this go. Most people are telling her she needs to ensure social services are contacted and not just assume he's somewhere safe.

OP also massively drip fed and didn't exactly paint the situation as it really is. Her first post didn't mention anything but the bottle throwing today. Hardly a reason to kick a 16 year old out that's otherwise ok.