Son hurt me. With this (pic)

[271726a]

My son is 16 he kept going on at me over food . I feel ill. I have food in freezer /cupboards . He does not want it. He would not leave me alone. I feel total shit. My other kids are ill as well. I told him to leave me alone.

He then went to his room. He still kept messaging me over food. I'm the end I went to his room and said stop we are ill you need to stop your 16 your old enough to sort yourself food.

He told me to get out . I did I closed the door. He then came out a throw a bottle at me. It don't seem like much but it really hurt . He's been aggressive in the past. And really nasty . But he's never physically touched me.

I can't take this anymore. I told him tp leave he's gone I have no idea where i think he will contact out of hours social services.

oh ffs at the cries of OP being terrible... I was out at 16 (not from my own violence), we are NOT children, in fact it legal to have your own bloody children by then.

I think leaving home at 16 was the key definer to make me who I am, I wouldn't change it for the world so save your pearl clutching us 'street kids' are doing fine.

Also SS will do nothing, hes over 16 so they dont care, either a friend will take him in or the council will send him to a hostel.

This is some people's reality and I don't think lecturing her about her parenting is going go help..

Op you feel rough so everything is going to feel worse.
Let him calm down and see what happens. Is this a hill you want to die on? And by that I mean do you really want rid of him because of being hit by a bottle?

I would let the situation diffuse and then try and speak to him. I have sons... all big lads... and two have issues relating to emotion. It's hardwork and sometimes I need to reset. I have also been unwell (cancer). Do you have someone dad? Grandparent? That he would listen to.

I do agree he shouldn't be phoning social services. With all due respect it's not their job. You both need to rectify the situation... I wouldn't be texting too and fro. Give him options eg 'I can't cook but I have this available' and then leave him to it.

It will get better. You do need to see a doctor though. That can't be good for any of you and no one likes dealing with grief when they feel unwell.

Hope it goes well.

You'd seriously do this to your 16 yr old child? Jesus Christ 🤦‍♀️

I was thinking the same. When I was 16 I was living alone, working full time and paying my bills, so all these posts saying "But he's a child!" are very jarring. Incidentally, I had zero support from my parents, (financial or emotional). OP was right to make her son leave. He's old enough to survive.

No wonder social services are in the shit.... I hope they laughed him off the phone. And told him to grow up.

Thing is OP, even though he is 16 and theoretically capable of looking after himself you are still legally responsible for him. If you can't let back home and don't call SS yourself you could get into trouble and that's not gonna help anyone.

You do not have to let him back in the house if you don't feel it is safe or appropriate. You and your other kids have the right to feel safe in your own home but you do have to make sure the 16yo is getting the appropriate care and support.

I'd ring SS now and tell them what's happened and on Monday give CAMHS and SS a call and push for further support.

I am sorry. But my child has ODD… granted he’s much younger than your son! But he does much worse than throw a bottle at me! I have never given up on him, I will never throw him out on the street because he divided to throw a bottle of body wash at me! My own son does this all the time and much worse. Im sorry but it just seems trivial to me!

He’s 16! He’s still a kid throwing a tantrum over food. It breaks my heart knowing he is out there somewhere and his mum is just leaving it to ss to sort out and doesn’t know where he is!

Which is just another way of saying they don't respect women. I agree with you, but that doesn't make it ok. Both sexes should be respected.

OP I don't blame you. It was an unprovoked attack. It's obvious from your first post that this isn't the first time he's been aggressive, social services are involved and he has issues. His behaviour leading upto the assault was that of a bully. Someone who's learned to get their own way by grinding others down.

Regardless if whether your parenting is shit or not, regardless of whether you legally have responsibility for him, the relationship between you is an abusive relationship and he is behaving like an abuser, his age is irrelevant there. The healthy relationship between you which may have existed at some point has broken down to such an extent that you're not now able to be the person to teach him what he needs to know.

He should totally live somewhere else. This isn't fixable and you don't have to remain in an abusive relationship with anybody. His issues, mindset and behaviour may be fixable, but he's going to have to work on that with someone appropriately trained. The situation has gone way beyond parenting him better, if indeed your parenting was ever an issue. When people grow into violent thugs it's not always somebody else's fault.

Also agree with you that you may have an underlying health condition that needs looking into.

Come back when he's 16, very strong and towering over you and see if you're still saying the same thing.

You do not have to let him back in the house if you don't feel it is safe or appropriate. You and your other kids have the right to feel safe in your own home but you do have to make sure the 16yo is getting the appropriate care and support

this sums it up for me.

So your kid isn't 6'4" and intimidating yet then?

My point is, I am having much worse than a bottle of shower gel thrown at me at the age of 10!!! But the op has this once and throws him out!! Okay!!!!!!

Come live with him and you will see! Extremely intimidating actually

Once?

That's not what she's said

If I let this go it tells him he can treat me that way and have even more control

This ship has sailed op, a long time ago. The first time something happened and you did nothing.

I can never understand how people suddenly have an issue with xyz happening - in this case a bottle being thrown - when similar has been happening for years. Op has said ds has phoned social services, threatened it, been aggressive and smashed the house up before.

This is just continuation of long-accepted behaviour.

Im sorry but it just seems trivial to me!

He’s 16! He’s still a kid throwing a tantrum

And you are so used to being on the receiving end of your own child's abuse that you've totally lost sight of what's reasonable behaviour that should be tolerated and what isn't. It's not trivial. He threw an object at someone who had done nothing to provoke him and was retreating at his request. It's serious. A 6'4" person throwing a tantrum can kill, accidentally or otherwise. OP doesn't need to put up with that.

She said he has never physically touched her!! Mine has!! Your argument does not stand up sorry!!!

You mean over him calling because i had asked him to help out a bit . He's done simlar a few times. They ring me ask me what happend. I tell them he throw and tantrum over helping me out. And he screamed he hates me I'm never seeing him again. That he's gonna ring social services. I told him he has a right to do that . So he does . And the social worker on the phone said yeah he said the same to her.

But in the case of today something will have to be sorted

@Ds16dv you can hear the shock in your voice. You should feel safe and not be assaulted and asking him to leave was the right thing to do. But please don’t assume that he’ll have the level of thinking to contact social services when he needs help, before it’s only been to try and get you into trouble. If he knows he’s don’t wrong he’s not going to phone up. You need to phone the police and SS and let them know he’s left, you don’t know where and you don’t want him back. Especially as it’s the weekend and emergency cover only. You still need to do this and not assume he will contact for help.

Sorry replied to wrong post

Awful situation to be in. They're your child and you are supposed to love them unconditionally, but that doesn't mean you are their knocking block.
People are minimising his violence. Oh, it's just a bottle! So plastic bottles are acceptable? What about a chair or a plate, what household objects are not acceptable? What if he just gives her a slap or a little strangle next time? Is that OK?
If this was her partner people would be screaming for her to leave. Why is it acceptable just because its her son? What does that teach him in his interactions with future women?
Hes adult size and weight and could do a lot of damage, especially if he has poor control over his temper.
SS need to be involved.

As I said, would you tell a 37 year old woman with an abusive 37 year old husband that she was an idiot for not leaving? Ever heard of being ground down by the abuser so you have no self esteem and are frightened to set them off by standing up to them? Never mind when you have the guilt that it's your child and you feel responsible for them.

Some friendly advice - stay off the relationship boards, it's full of 'idiots' 🙄

Also don't think it's scaremongering. It is a real life example of what can happen if this behaviour goes unchecked.

A violent little waste of space like this? In a heartbeat. It would take a court order for me to actually let him in the house again.

Thing is you’re coming on here and giving us a snapshot of a 16 year old. Clearly somethings gone wrong along the line. My DS has Aspergers. He was having violent meltdowns at 4 yrs old. I nipped it in the bud then. Because I was fully aware as a single parent that you cannot have an aggressive/violent son. Otherwise it leads to the situation you find yourself in. Of course this is no good to you now but I say it for anyone else reading who might be worried about the same scenario later on. You have to be in charge. Lovingly of course, but very very firmly. More so than if there is a dad on the scene.

You have a right to kick him out but I find it sad that you are probably never going to have an adult relationship with him now. He’ll be far more likely now to end up on drugs and/or in prison. I do think there should be more support for families in your situation, I’m aware it’s woefully lacking. Do I think kicking him out in the answer? No. But he’s not my son.

@Ds16dv yes sorry that's what I meant.
They are likely to see this in the same way I imagine. A teenager throwing a tantrum. And try and work with you both to resolve it.

Sending a hug though. Am sorry you feel unwell and this is all going on.