Son hurt me. With this (pic)

[271726a]

My son is 16 he kept going on at me over food . I feel ill. I have food in freezer /cupboards . He does not want it. He would not leave me alone. I feel total shit. My other kids are ill as well. I told him to leave me alone.

He then went to his room. He still kept messaging me over food. I'm the end I went to his room and said stop we are ill you need to stop your 16 your old enough to sort yourself food.

He told me to get out . I did I closed the door. He then came out a throw a bottle at me. It don't seem like much but it really hurt . He's been aggressive in the past. And really nasty . But he's never physically touched me.

I can't take this anymore. I told him tp leave he's gone I have no idea where i think he will contact out of hours social services.

Ds is still very angry with me

Of course he is. You didn't crumble when he escalated into violence, you didn't tiptoe around him and faff about washing things when he collected stuff, you haven't grovelled for his forgiveness and welcomed him back to resume his reign of terror over your younger daughters. Nobody is patting his hand and telling him that you're soooo cruel and neglectful and they'll make you take him back because you are on this earth to serve him. And they are telling him what happens, rather than permitting him to dictate it - his older sister isn't going to be creeping around and silently accepting verbal or physical abuse of her or of any children she may have, is she?

He isn't being pandered to - and he doesn't like that. Either he'll get over himself sooner or later or he won't, but either way, you and your daughters are safe from abuse for the first time in years.

@Coolhwip have you read any of the thread?

I wasn't sure how to take the question . Thought we are way beyond that.

Adult dd can be a bit iffy. She's been a victim of DV herself. And she will cover for him at times. Especially if it's linked to my 12 year old. As she seems to hate her. But has no reason for it. My adult son has noticed this to. So although she's helpful there's cons to it as well.

Another thread where people are protecting this 'poor 16 year old child' 🙄
Bloody ridiculous. Most 16 year old males are bigger and stronger than women. It is totally unacceptable for him to be throwing things at anyone. He is old enough to know better.
I would feel threatened too.
So sorry this happened OP. Ignore the comments telling to 'grow up' or other nasty comments.
I do agree that you should contact social services as you know you are still legally responsible for him.

You also need to keep the 12 year old away from the older daughter before she is damaged by both of them.

Social services have been contacted etc etc

Yes i agree. they rarely see or speak to each other. 12 year old does not remember the last time they had a conversation.

I thought I would update. A social worker Came today. We spoke about how DS effects the family etc. She also spoke to My 12 year old about how she feels etc .

Anyway I have a feeling she may have told me wrong information. When we spoke about housing for DS. She said DS can get help for housing though SHIPS (single homless invention program) but this is for adults. He's only 16. I said to her I know that at 16 he can put himself on a section 20 . She said that they don't like to do section 20s and he won't reach the criteria as hes not vulnerable enough. She said because he's already engaging with CAMHS it means he's already getting help. Plus he does not yet have a diagnosis. Even though he tried to end his own life 6 months ago . He's not vulnerable enough. So basically he would go into shared accommodation with no support or very little .

I'm pretty sure I read something that says he has to be 17 to do the above. I'm going to try and find it

Found something so it seems he can get help via section 20

Surely he's not mature enough to live alone? Especially given his mental health issues and recent suicide attempt? Can't care be provided for him? Any other family who could help? It doesn't sound like he's getting an awful lot of support.

'Protecting the family' by dumping in the adult daughter who has been a victim of domestic violence.

Hes not . That's why it needs to be under section20

Goodness how very sad.

Well no its not a good situation at all .

@Ds16dv it is an awful situation, for you, your other children and your son.
Just remember though you didn't cause this, all your son had to do was remain none violent and he would still be able to live at home with you. It isn't a big ask of him really.
Hopefully you are (slowly) moving forward with finding him some accommodation, let the social worker do their job and don't let them push it all back onto you (they tend to do the bare minimum if they can get away with it, to much work so more capable families are left to it if possible).
I hope you are okay and your other children are settled.

I had a brother like this - though I was the focus for his anger, not my mother who could never do enough for him. She used to ask me what I'd done to provoke him. I've never really forgiven her.

Well done for putting your other kids first, and I'm sorry you're getting a kicking here. I'm shocked at how many posters are blaming you it's deeply unfair.

I hope you can keep him out of the family home, handier for social services if you take him homrc, butbe's not going to end up on the streets if you don't.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Yes we need to push for the section 20. He's to vulnerable just to be dumped in some hostel type place and forgotten about. So definitely pushing on that one. She's going to ask him if he will do a domestic violence programme there is one for young people.

To be honest the younger kids have suffered. It was hard ti get /find help. There's not alot advice out there when it comes to domestic violence from your child. And i spent alot of time begging for help getting no where..

I think the social worker understands he cant come back. But I just want to make sure he's getting the right help /support and thry don't just dump him off somewhere.

Have you managed to have a civil conversation with your son or is he still too angry? It might take him a while to reconcile that you still love him but can’t have him live at home at the moment.

I know you might not want to go on it here, (can’t blame you for the way you were jumped on at the start) but what are his plans for becoming self sufficient - he wasn’t able to go to school so I’m thinking no qualifications? Is there some he could do, could you be referred to one of the online schools? Sorry if I am repeating stuff you have already tried.

Does he go out much? Being in a hostel with no activities to do (job, school, volunteering, hobbies) would not be a good situation of anyone and certainly not a vulnerable young man/ boy.

Hes still angry with me. The only time he's spoken to me is when he wanted something/money.

I get the education/courses things like that are important. But it needs to be one step at a time. Once everything is put into place properly ie the section 20 etc then his social worker should help him with getting him on to courses etc.

I think the education/therapeutic input can’t be overestimated. If his full needs are not identified (and here I mean neurodiversity, lack of education etc), then he will remain an angry young man. Your family may be safe, but when he forms relationships he may be violent - then the problem really isn’t being addressed and he has been failed. I am not saying by you, but by all those involved.

Yes i agree 100% but one step at a time. Firstly we need to get social worker to do a section 20.

I might be wrong but aren't section 20's used for short term needs eg 3-6 months? Will that not be counterproductive?

No not for short term for as long as needed . If he gos via section 20. Social services will have a duty of care to him until at least 21. That includes housing etc ... but if he gos non section 21. All it means is housing find him accommodation and social services pay his rent. Soon as he's 18 he's on his own no help or support . And his accommodation would end.

Section 20 will also support him financially and guide him back onto education and get Any support/help he needs. Whether non section 20 he's just Dumped into accommodation and forgot about.