Son hurt me. With this (pic)

[271726a]

My son is 16 he kept going on at me over food . I feel ill. I have food in freezer /cupboards . He does not want it. He would not leave me alone. I feel total shit. My other kids are ill as well. I told him to leave me alone.

He then went to his room. He still kept messaging me over food. I'm the end I went to his room and said stop we are ill you need to stop your 16 your old enough to sort yourself food.

He told me to get out . I did I closed the door. He then came out a throw a bottle at me. It don't seem like much but it really hurt . He's been aggressive in the past. And really nasty . But he's never physically touched me.

I can't take this anymore. I told him tp leave he's gone I have no idea where i think he will contact out of hours social services.

@billy1966 that is such an enlightening story, vividly explaining its not just the one doing the harm that needs help and support its the ones on the receiving end - be that physical harm or emotional harm. We all have right to a peaceful home life and to be shown respect by our family.

I am absolutely sure that he doesn't hate you OP.

He just thinks that you will take whatever he dishes out with no consequences to himself or your relationship.

Something has given him that idea and it's way past time he learned otherwise.

Better he learns now than you or your other children suffer more abuse and some poor woman gets a battering later.

Feels like it. He messaged this morning to ask of he can come get some of his stuff. I said he could . He asked if I washed his trainers I said no. And he said ffs. He took his stuff from the hall way and never said a word to me.

Yesterday he told me not to talk to or message him.

The odd thing is he's honest with professionals he told them what he's done . They asked why do you have such a big vendetta against your mum. He said he does not know.

But then to mevtheres no form of remorse what so ever and he's quite nasty in how he messages me. And talks about what a horrible person I am I'm meant to be his mum etc

It seems like you need the time away from each other but you appear to be alluding to him having something wrong with him which is essentially creating a narrative to justify your feelings to some extent. I wouldn't demonise him in his absence. I mean if this boy who hasn't been at school for 2 years since he was 14, which is young, whatever anyone says, this must have taken a toll on his mental health, he is a victim as well in this sense. If he had lied to them and said he hadn't done it what would you be saying about him then? It seems he can't win, don't you believe I'm rehabilitation, I mean we may as well be living in Texas and locking up children with some of these replies. Surely you think he can get through this and stop the violence?

OP I think he's a hormonal hot mess ATM.
I am sure your relationship will be infinitely better after some time and distance.

Lots of teenagers are bloody horrible to their parents and mothers seem to bear the brunt of it. Yours has gone too far into abuse but it shouldn't stay this way forever.

Take heart and look after yourself

I think you have misunderstood my posting.

I'm saying I don't understand when he puts his hands up to them and says yes I done it. I know its wrong I don't know why .

But tk me he blames all onto me for what he does to me.

The school thing is extremely complicated. It actually took a massive load of at the time. I'm not replying to the school situation Any further as its just another thing to throw at me. One step at a time and just now the school thing is not it ad I said its complicated

I hope that's true.

Time away from each other is best.

He needs to grow up.

He's not six.

His life is at a crossroads and him thinking he can be threatening and assault you with impunity will ruin his life.

He needs to learn that actions have consequences.

I feel very sorry for you OP, but you are doing the right thing by ALL of your family in seeking support, even though he may not appreciate that now.

@Ds16dv do you think the school gave up to soon or saw the light before you did? I'm not asking for any details by the way.

The school was hell. We begged for help constantly. I was literally crying down the phone to safeguarding/attendance (same person) I had her shouting at me down the phone. Making threats. Ds would not go to school I was looking for counselling type things for him. Also CAMHS was in the pipe work and she told me of my son was not in school. Theses places would refuse to work with him. She told nr silly things like I would loose child benefit. Which I knew was bull. We tried part time time table one day he was meant to start at 1pm he turned up 12.30pm abs she had a go at DS rang me up started shouting. Another time thru lost DS in the school found him self harming in the toilets . She phoned me up shouting at me down the phone . Like I had done somthing wrong. They would not do anything to help him at all.

Recently I saw a post on FB asking about the school as their child was looking at secondary schools. Somone posted on there saying they know 9 children who were removed from the school and the patrol care is disgusting

I wish I could give you a bloody big hug OP. You have clearly fought so hard to get help and support and you can only humanly do so much. Don't ever doubt yourself as a mum - you've fought so hard for so long. I really hope that some tangible help and support is put in place for you

Wow that school pastoral care person was either unsuitable for the role or completely overwhelmed. I'm sorry the school is letting so many children down.

I hope this incident is a turning point for you and your family OP, including your son. This doesn't sound like ADHD or it's only part of the picture, there's more going on here. I hope this accelerates the whole diagnostic thing. He's in control of his behaviour to some degree and is able to reflect on it, this is not impulsive behaviour. You need to keep yourself and your daughters safe.

I was told a social worker would visit today. I did not take my other kids to school because I was worried they would come late afternoon. And I would feel to emotional and I did not want to be crying on the bus like a prick. I decided to call them. It turns out nothing will happen till end of the week.

And yes I guess as some point it was going to come to head. We are talking years as well not just a few. So I have really really tried.

Hope you're OK. I had a turbulent relationship with my son through the teenage years, and I definitely made mistakes and could have handled it better when I look back. He's 22 now and thankfully we're close again but there was a time I thought I'd lost him for good.

100% this

100% RTFT.

Some people just want to add their thoughts regardless of whether they are relevant 🤷‍♀️
Hopefully OP is getting support, if that means her son is out of the house and unable to terrorise both her and his younger siblings all the better.
Violent men are an absolute blight on so many peoples lives, the more of them that have consequences for their actions at an early age the better for everyone.
I hope all of the posters telling the OP she should let him live at home and put up with it think about the fact he could one day be dating their daughter/niece/cousin or friends. Should they put up with him and just live with it?

@Ds16dv I hope you and your family have had a more peaceful week.

It has been kind of peaceful. Dd has spend more time in the living room. She's being playing with het brothers in the garden etc .

Ds is staying at his sisters. That can only be short term though. I have spoken to a social worker briefly who said there would be an alicated SW by Wednesday, then said end of the week, then we heard nothing.

I have also spoken to my adult dd social worker. She's bee working with Dd for a while and knows us as a family. She's met us all several times She's been to my house etc and she said she is happy for me to call her whilst we are waiting for a social worker to be allocated. Which is really kind .

Ds is still very angry with me.

Well he's angry with you whatever you do.

So you may as well keep him away so your other children AND YOU don't have to suffer his perpetual abuses.

When you're going through hell, keep going.

What people don't seem to realise is that what my son is doing , is domestic violence. Its almost text book in the way it has progressed. But because he's my son there is a stigma and the blame lands with me.

The fact he's angry with me . Is kind of worrying as it means he's not taking on board what he's done is wrong.

We will get there in the end.

Why is angry at you, for not giving into his demands about food?

For kicking him out