Son hurt me. With this (pic)

[271726a]

My son is 16 he kept going on at me over food . I feel ill. I have food in freezer /cupboards . He does not want it. He would not leave me alone. I feel total shit. My other kids are ill as well. I told him to leave me alone.

He then went to his room. He still kept messaging me over food. I'm the end I went to his room and said stop we are ill you need to stop your 16 your old enough to sort yourself food.

He told me to get out . I did I closed the door. He then came out a throw a bottle at me. It don't seem like much but it really hurt . He's been aggressive in the past. And really nasty . But he's never physically touched me.

I can't take this anymore. I told him tp leave he's gone I have no idea where i think he will contact out of hours social services.

Come again

your ds is staying at his friend’s house? Presumably the parents of the friend are very close to you and fully aware of the situation and what he is capable of.

So they aren’t unknowingly putting their children at risk?

You will now get posters reply to you... but he's a child .

But yes. I know its wrong and I have put up with way more shit than I should have. The thread is worrying in a way because there will be woman much more vulnerable taking more shit than me. Reading this and being used as a punch bag because of alot of the responses. They will be shamed into putting up with it

Exactly they are minimising a 16 year old and even comparing it to a 10 year. No wonder there are such worrying amount of male violence. 'He could have hurt her if wanted' he did hurt and he will get worse. My half brother was one parent single mum family and didn't know his dad, and a childhood with some trauma but never has he raised any object to his mum nor any other human and animal. He couldn't make his own food at 16 Yrs old+ the babying and helicopter parenting on here is just not normal and creating a generation that will think it's OK to abuse physically, mentally, and even emotionally.

Your post has let's dig at op written all over it . This was arranged with social services.

Read my previous couple of
posts. Supportive.

I asked a question

I also could not read the thread! Jesus wept... who the fuck are these enabling women out there? Stand strong against abuse OP. Draw a line for your family and ho forward as you see fit. You have given all you can and need to protect your children . This is the advice I'd give any woman living with a abusive male. This will only escalate .. as all abuse does!!
Good luck OP. Stay strong

If your son is allowed to think that physical and verbal abuse toward women is acceptable and that he’s the victim then where does it end?

His future relationships will likely involve
him being violent to his partners….

Any sons he have will think it’s ok to be violent towards women….

Any daughters he has will grow up thinking that violence towards their sex is acceptable and so will be more at risk of being in DV relationships themselves and be tolerant of any violence towards them.

These damaged sons and daughters then go on to enter relationships and have children and the violence and parental behaviours continue to be mirrored….

This awful chain doesn’t start and end with OP’s son alone…..it filters into his future and down into the next generation and then the next generation too.

Men should NEVER be allowed to think violence towards women is ok, even if they have to learn that lesson at 16 years of age.

You are 100% right in kicking him out OP and he should not come back in your home.

Your other children AND YOU must be protected from his abuse. Those needs trump his.

Op I think I've read your previous posts about your son and if I'm correct I know you've tried really hard to get help and put up with an awful lot in the process.

You've reached the point when you have been tipped over the edge into not tolerating anymore and it's completely understandable

You possibly could have . Thank you . I never ever wanted it to come to this I really didn't. I felt broken yesterday. I don't feel as bad today . But come tomorrow when things start to properly roll with social services I think I will be fucked all over again . So will Ds to be honest.

I know they are going to push for him to be in the home. But then what safety plan will they out in place...call the police who then take 6 hours to arrive. And even then its mot just the physical side of it. Its the mental and emotional abuse as well .

Exaggerating? Imagined crimes? Women are murdered in domestic violence situations all the time. You don't think the men who kill them are a delight to live with right up until the point they kill, do you? I'm pointing out that a pattern of escalating violence should not be ignored or minimised. Why are you doing that?

Whatever help the child needs should be provided in an environment where he does not pose a threat to the rest of the family. He is over the age of criminal responsibility, he knows that violence is wrong but is using it to control the household. Do you think that 16 year olds who commit serious crimes just need more understand and the benefit of the doubt?

You are very mistaken about the strength of teenage boys vs adult women. I hope you never have to find out in a real world situation how wrong you are.

It has followed a pattern almost text book.

You’re wrong.

If this child has an undiagnosed neurodiversity, then he may have a disability. Any adult with a disability may be classed as a ‘vulnerable adult’ legally, but this depends on the circumstances.

The child's vulnerabilities do not mean that his mother has to endure domestic violence. Any help or support he needs and the protection of other members of the household are two separate issues. The safety of other family members must take priority.

First, you don't teach self-regulation by walking on eggshells around somebody. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Second, the point of my post was to rebut a victim-blamer.

So therefore he’s allowed to physically and verbally abuse women?

Someone who is vulnerable does not then have a free pass to do completely unacceptable things that include breaking the law and being violent to women.

I know they are going to push for him to be in the home. But then what safety plan will they out in place...call the police who then take 6 hours to arrive. And even then its mot just the physical side of it. Its the mental and emotional abuse as well

I really hope they listen and you aren't forced into this situation

I responded to the previous poster who stated that this child was not the vulnerable one.

If you read one of my previous posts, you will see that I have already commented that no one has to live with someone who is violent to them, regardless of their age or relationship to each other.

But in my opinion, both parties are equally vulnerable here and need to be supported.

I just spoke to adult dd as social services spoke to her as well. They told her they will do all they can to keep him out of the care system as it will not be a good thing for him.and it's mlt a place he should be.

My questions to social services will be

1. how are my other children being safe guarded
2. what about my own safety
3. what if its heavy verble abuse
4. how is my daughter going to be able to use the house freely without abuse from her brother.
5. how do I stop him demanding from me constantly.
6. what about him taking people's stuff
7. what if he smashes up the house.

What will this so called care plan look like what if he does not follow it. What if he totally ignores it. What if I call the police and they take 6 hours to arrive. What if the police don't get it.

Also social worker said my son is very articulate. He was completely honest and told her what he did and he knows its wrong and he should not have done it. It kind of worries me that he gives out the indication he can be worked with . Maybe he can who knows. But its like he knows how to pull the wool over professionals eyes . Ie "I put my hands up , I did it, I was wrong " social worker : well done for admitting it , we can work with you.

Well they can work with him outside your home.

He was completely honest and told her what he did and he knows its wrong and he should not have done it. It kind of worries me that he gives out the indication he can be worked with . Maybe he can who knows. But its like he knows how to pull the wool over professionals eyes . Ie "I put my hands up , I did it, I was wrong " social worker : well done for admitting it , we can work with you.

Admitting what he did was wrong is a start but it's no good to you if he either can't or won't stop terrorising the whole household. I agree with PP that social services need to work with him outside your home because they will not be able to do anything which guarantees the safety of you and your daughter whilst he is still at home.

It will be a hard decision for you to make but if he cannot be housed elsewhere then your daughter needs to be given the option of somewhere she can go to get away from him and feel safe. Neither of you should feel threatened in your own home but you have choices, she does not.

Quite.

Happy to blame the CHILD that's ultimately a victim and disabled to boot.

At age 14 he stopped going to school. That's before he turned into a 6' 4" monster.

So who was failing him then? And yes the OP does come into the equation on that. It is relevant.

And if it is ADHD, it didn't come out the blue at age 14 either. This would have been apparent pre-covid.

But the narrative is all about the poor woman who is physically smaller because that's the fashion. It's not the fashion to be saying where the fuck where you years ago...

Sorry this has happened to you op but it is not good to repeat bad behaviour from your own upbringing and throw minors out onto the street. Try to treat him how you would wish to be treated yourself if you were in his position.

This boy has been let down for years. What's he been doing for the two years he's not been in school?

Why do cahms suspect emotional dysregulation? Has he suffered early childhood trauma or neglect?

If he's pulling the wool over the social workers eyes he could be a psychopath to be honest. Noones fault he just is.