Son hurt me. With this (pic)

[271726a]

My son is 16 he kept going on at me over food . I feel ill. I have food in freezer /cupboards . He does not want it. He would not leave me alone. I feel total shit. My other kids are ill as well. I told him to leave me alone.

He then went to his room. He still kept messaging me over food. I'm the end I went to his room and said stop we are ill you need to stop your 16 your old enough to sort yourself food.

He told me to get out . I did I closed the door. He then came out a throw a bottle at me. It don't seem like much but it really hurt . He's been aggressive in the past. And really nasty . But he's never physically touched me.

I can't take this anymore. I told him tp leave he's gone I have no idea where i think he will contact out of hours social services.

@Goldenbear of course it's victim blaming, abuse doesn't stop being abuse because its perpetrated by the child of the victim. Your attitude so basically it's her child so her fault / problem.

I would kick my son out if he verbally abused me to the point my other children were terrified and then finished it off with a physical assault.
Part of living together as a family unit is living harmoniously and understanding when family members are ill that you have to get on with things yourself.....at 16 even if he was totally unable to cook he would be able to make beans on toast for one night. He didn't want to because he is an entitled brat that thought if he pushed hard enough he would get a takeaway out of it, instead he got kicked out, life lesson for him is that he doesn't get his own way by being a violent dick head.
I can't believe how many women on here have had a go at the OP for throwing a violent abuser out of her home, if she changed 'son' to 'partner' in every paragraph of her OP you would be up in arms if she didn't throw him out!

Do you have teenagers? It is so clear on here who does and does not have teenagers. When your young children become teenagers they don't stop being children, in fact more than ever you need to guide them and talk with them and listen to them. Teenagers have always had outbursts, moments of anger as their bodies are changing and their emotions are catching up, they need to be around children their own age to understand how to function in society but this child has not been in school for 2 years so since he was 14. Understanding childhood development of teenagers is as important as understanding how very young children develop. It is literally what being a parent entails.

Well IMO family life is not always harmonious especially with teenagers and there is NO way the state could meet the needs of all these teenagers being kicked out of their homes with this line of thought. A boy is precisely that, not a man, brandishing him 'the abuser' is so simplistic and does nothing to help anyone.

@Goldenbear to me though there is a difference from what is normal and what crosses a line. Inflicting physical attacks and abuse on a parent crosses that line, no one has a right to do that.

But son and partner can't be used interchangeably when the son is a child so it is a completely irrelevant and referring to children as dickheads is completely out of order.

Its not victim blaming though as this boy however tall he is is her son, he hasn't been at school since he was 14, what has he been doing?

OP's son has a history of aggression, he has thrown something at her in anger and posters are blaming the OP for his behaviour, how is that not victim blaming?

You are minimising the very real risk of this much larger male doing serious physical harm. Encouraging the OP to just try harder puts her in danger. NO, if her child is presenting a danger to other members of the household he needs to live somewhere else. After partners and ex partners, son's are the most common murderers of women in domestic violence situations.

And you are exaggerating and imagining crimes he hasn't committed. He needs help, what has being up to since our of education since 14, that's two years ago! Years!

@Goldenbear a dick head is a dick head ......he's 16 not 6.
My 16 year old son is sat next to me now. He is a pleasant, placid boy that would do anything for his 13 year old sister. He has NEVER been violent to any of us, not once, he wouldn't consider it an option.
Do you have any daughters Goldenbear, how would you feel if they started a relationship with OP's son?
Hopefully being kicked out will make him realise that women are not here just to put up with his disgusting behaviour.

16 year old boys can be tall but they are not frequently 'big' like a man in strength- in fact I would say our if the many friends my DS has none of them match that description. I am 5ft 6 and my 16year old is 6ft but I'm two stone heavier than him so the strength is probably the same. I wouldn't follow my teenage son to his room if he was in a mood at us just unnecessary to follow anyone in that situation.

@Goldenbear the son is over 6ft, over 16 and has a history of violence he's not the one that's vulnerable here

Personally I think it is unkind and unhelpful to refer to children as dickheads and brats

Yes, have a DD, the boys that become men that have not had these issues addressed as youngsters are the ones I worry about the most.

Having raised three boys who were never aggressive the eldest has ADHD, they would argue and there was the odd slammed door. This is a whole other level. The education system failed this boy at age 14!!! He was permitted to drop out no truancy threats. That's appalling..

@Goldenbear personally I think it is unkind to verbally abuse your mother and then physically assault her.

No wonder so many men are entitled bastards who treat women like shit.

Nail on the head @FOJN The victim blaming on this thread is utterly repulsive.

OP, I think if people aren’t aware of situations such as yours they can’t really get a grasp on how there is very little the parent can do, because it is domestic violence. Which is why you’re getting stupid suggestions like take him offline!

I worked at an alternative provision for teenagers excluded from school. We had two students who at ages 14/15 had both badly beaten their mothers, one was taken into care and eventually had to be placed in a secure unit.

The other the mother kept him at home, it badly affected younger siblings who were terrified of him. His mum was lovely as well, she really had tried everything, was firm with boundaries but when he didn’t get his own way his response was to hit. And he was like it at school as well, although verbally, rather than physically aggressive to staff, I suspect because there was actual consequences to hitting staff, whereas his mum put up with it. He also didn’t have a dad around, I think that made it worse as he knew there was no one to defend his mum.

You’ve done the right thing OP, he needs to know that any sort of violence towards you is completely acceptable and you will not have him in your home, otherwise it will escalate. And getting social services involved may be the push needed to get him some proper help and support for you as well, especially as he’s been out of school for so long.

Exactly.

It’s not easy to make someone physically bigger and stronger than you do what you say.

In our home, whilst my dad was alive my brother was was verbally abusive and there was a tense atmosphere but he stayed within some limits.

Once my dad died all bets were off, because he knew he was stronger than his sisters and our mum.

To this day I take a step back when a big man approaches me, however innocently. Living with an abusive young person can have lasting impact.

Why? So he can throw things at her and terrify his younger siblings? He's not wandering the streets, he's staying at his friend's house.

When I was talking to the social worker last night she said this. And i said yes and if he had been a partner. I said yo8 would be on my arse , the kids would all be on the register. You would be contacting schools you would be interverong with the whole of my life . But because he's my son no one wants to know.

I told her how it's effecting my other children. And that we can't live a normal life because of him. Couple of examples would be it takes my daughter 8 min to travel from school to the door step. But she has to meet me after school and travel with me. Which takes an hour. Also she is scared to go into the living room. Because the moment she does he starts on her . Ie your looking at me . Then he starts on me about sorting her out. Yes looking at me is stupid but it's his reaction to it and All she's done is walk in the room. Also on the rare occasion the dd is on the living room I can't cook. Because I can't leave them in the same room.

I said again that is a form of abuses my daughter should be able to enjoy her own home . I pointed out she's also female so does he have a thing about abusing females.

I said im showing my daughter this is normal behaviour that this is how males treat woman and we have to do all we can to avoid their abuses by bowing down to their every need/want /demand. I said she's gonna think that's normal them in the future we will have another domestic violence victim.

Anyway she was talking about putting things in place getting more support etc. I don't know what that looks like.

I'm very sorry for what you and your daughter have been going through, no one deserves to have to live like that, it's very clearly abuse over a long time. I think you've been very brave and strong to remove your son from your house even more so when this thread proves how ingrained attitudes are about child to parent abuse. I hope you and your daughter can feel more safe in your home now.

@Emeraldrings, oh has there been an update her DS is staying at his friends house? It wasn't in OP's original post.

Yeah gosh why did I not think of that after all theses years . If he's really pushing it . I could put him in the naughty step for 16 mins.🙄

I could not put that in the op. Things change through the day . Had you read my other posts you would know.

I haven’t read all the thread OP - I only got to page two before I had to stop reading because I couldn’t believe the responses you are getting.

A 6ft 4, grown male screaming at a much smaller woman and throwing things at her with the intention of hurting her……and it’s somehow her fault and he’s the victim in the scenario?!

It doesn’t matter what his age is, and just because you have a mother and son relationship that does not make it ok or mean that you have to put up with it.

Physical and verbal abuse, and violence in the home, and especially from a fully grown male towards a much smaller and weaker woman is 100% absolutey not okay.

I wouldn’t be tolerating it either OP, especially when there are other
children in the home too.

@Goldenbear

what is your practical advice to the OP? In a nutshell