Son hurt me. With this (pic)

[271726a]

My son is 16 he kept going on at me over food . I feel ill. I have food in freezer /cupboards . He does not want it. He would not leave me alone. I feel total shit. My other kids are ill as well. I told him to leave me alone.

He then went to his room. He still kept messaging me over food. I'm the end I went to his room and said stop we are ill you need to stop your 16 your old enough to sort yourself food.

He told me to get out . I did I closed the door. He then came out a throw a bottle at me. It don't seem like much but it really hurt . He's been aggressive in the past. And really nasty . But he's never physically touched me.

I can't take this anymore. I told him tp leave he's gone I have no idea where i think he will contact out of hours social services.

@Ds16dv I've read every post on this thread. He has supporters that is clear. I just can't sift the amateur do gooders from those who have encountered, grown up with or in some way normalised this behaviour. Maybe they're victims but just don't realise it.

Luckily you're still sane, rational and have said ENOUGH!!!

@Ds16dv why has he not been at school? Do you mean non attending or excluded? Was he given different provision? PRU etc? I am surprised he has managed to slip under the radar for two years with no consequence.

Hope you are feeling a big better today. You don't have to agree with anything regarding social services. I would want a proper plan that's started before I entertained it or what if it all falls apart/ never happens/ he doesn't engage.

Local authority know all about the school situation. I'm not going into deep details though as I don't want everything twisted and more shit put onto me. But I just wanted to touch base with that subject and confirm local authority do know the situation our case is complex.

I find this a problem. When I'm asked a question I can't tell if it's genuine or Just trying to stir the pot. But even if it is a genuine question there will be someone else come along to stir the shit. It's sad in a way because people can't posy freely.

Keep posting if you feel any of the comments are helpful to you @Ds16dv.
Not everyone thinks you and your other children should be terrorised in your own home.
I have a 6'4 16 year old son, luckily for me he is a really good kid.....if he wasn't I couldn't contain him and I am 5'10 and of a sturdy build!!!
It's very easy for people to say what they would do in your situation because they don't have to actually house this young man and their children don't have to live with his actions.

So in another 5-10 years time his outbursts of anger are now aimed at his girlfriend/wife is she also meant to sit him down and discuss his anger issues and then stick it up on the wall and forget about it?!

Thank you . I will do. I just take away what's helpful to me.

Never mind 5-10 years time, he's 16 so even right now he could have a girlfriend or at 17, 18...I worry for our girls if throwing things at women is just 'a bit of an over reaction'. I'm guessing by only mums of boys (I have both).

@Ds16dv I really wasn't stirring the pot it just gives a better bigger picture if his schooling can be understood. He is 16 so year 11? So missed all of his GCSE's?

That's why I was asking about what sort of provision he had? I teach in a PRU and I know how difficult it can be. That's a lot of time on his hands if he has had no schooling.

Once again not stirring just asking. My eldest was violent but had extreme mental health problems and was sectioned at much younger than your son so I do understand.

Sorry my post was not aimed at you . As I said I get some posters are genuine and are trying to build a picture. But then when I answer a genuine poster I them have the not so genuine posters come along and dig at me. Hence why I'm not clear on my answer.

I hope your OK and your som and you have the support you need.

Dear OP
am sending you solidarity I have very similar issues with my 16 yo son.
it’s horrendous and there are some ridiculously smug and thoughtless comments here

Some of the replies on here are a good indication of why male violence is so prevalent. Always excused.

Yes, and once this “bit of an overreaction” results in a girl’s or woman’s murder or serious injury, the same “oh poor boy, thrown out on the streets” hand-wringers will be complaining that his mother (because male violence is always a woman’s fault) didn’t nip it in the bud earlier.

Hopefully I will hear from social services today . The weekend social worker said it could be Tuesday. But she did mark it urgent. But there will have be lots of referrals over the weekend and cases more needy than ours.

Also ds seems to think he's to old to go into the main care system. As in no child care homes (I don't think they are called that ) no Foster type places....

but he could be put straight into semi independent living. But then he's vulnerable so I don't know if that will actually be the case.

As someone who has been the younger sibling in this situation, with an increasingly volatile and aggressive sibling dictating the mood of the house and scaring me senseless, making me unable to ever relax in my childhood home, thank you for thinking about the needs of your other children as well as him.

Siblings of violent siblings are often overlooked and end up being collateral damage.

I know how hard it is to live in a home like this and I really feel for you OP, it sounds like you're doing everything you can humanly do

I feel guilty as fuck.

I can only imagine how difficult it is from the parents POV @Ds16dv but the situation is not safe or sustainable as it stands.

And as you know, for as long as you say ok I'll try him being here again, the cycle will continue.

Unfortunately you have to take a step back in order for the relevant services to step up. But I know it must be terrifying because of course you love him.

There is no easy answer, I wish I could say something more useful. And I don't think people who have criticised you on the thread understand how genuinely scary it is living with someone the size and strength of an adult male who is aggressive, dominating and unable or unwilling (depending on the individual) to regulate their anger and how you cannot put your other child in danger indefinitely

He might well go into supported accommodation, OP. DD's friend went into that when she was 16 and opted not to move out of town with her foster family however it wasn't what your DS might be expecting.

She had to pay her own rent and bills (with budgeting support from her social worker) but she had rules in place eg a curfew, limited visitors, and limited times they could visit and her staying in supported accommodation instead of moving into a children's home was dependent upon her following these rules.

I've seen an 84 year old neighbor battered, locked up in the bathroom as a punishment by her husband. I know of other cases. It's not easy, the neighbours was asked by the police to please make an official complaint so that they could remove him, she wouldn't but eventually he was removed after attacking someone else.

I'm sure some posters would quote wedding vows, in sickness and in health, till death us do part. They didn't see the pain of her children watching their elderly mothers suffering.

@Ds16dv stay strong all of you.

Thank you for understanding so much. And completely getting it.

A social worker called me today just briefly to talk about situation. She's going to get social worker to visit hopefully tomorrow. But she did say hes a danger to my other children so won't be staying in the family home.

You are allowed to feel relief as well as guilt. Know that you are doing the right thing for your family and the people piling on you are wrong and have no understanding. 💐

Thank goodness thingds seem to be taking a step forward. Sometimes we have to make tough decisions about our kids. But you have to think about your younger ones and yourself. I for one are rooting for you [have had similar but much less so].
Best wishes for it working out in the end.

You've been very brave, OP, and you've done exactly the right thing. I'm really glad social services have accepted he can't come home.

Don't forget things won't always be like this. When he's an adult you'll have a completely different relationship with him. This is the worst age, IMO.

I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you.

I have two big sons and if either of them EVER raise a hand to me, or my daughters, it would be completely game over, such is my non existent tolerance of male violence.

No man has laid a hand on me and no man will ever remain sharing my home after doing so.

Your other children have more right to a peaceful home, than he has to bully you in his.

It is very sad, but your first obligation is to maintain a peaceful safe space for your family.

His behaviour means he can no longer share the home.

Very sad, but actions have consequences.

He needs to learn that.

Hopefully the reality of his actions will help him.

You are doing the right thing insisting that your other children are protected.

Many years ago a school pal of mine had a bully of a brother who played senior rugby and his parents were very proud of his success.

He often gave this friend a slap or a pinch and her parents used to say, "don't annoy him, don't wind him up, you know what he is like etc", when she complained.

This is more than 40 years ago.

She worked very hard at school and got an excellent offer after her results.
She chose to go away to Uni.

We only realised what she had endured when she asked her friends to take boxes of her possessions as she was clearing her family home of anything she cared about.

She headed off to college and NEVER return to the family home again. EVER.

Her parents were so shocked, disbelieving, outraged, angry, heartbroken and finally devastated as it became clear to them that she was very serious.

She was very open to people, that her brother had bullied and hurt her throughout her childhood and she would NEVER set foot in the family home again. EVER.

She never spoke to her brother again, she refused completely his efforts to apologise. He did try.

Primarily though she blamed her parents for not protecting her and for allowing her to be a punching bag for her brother.
She believed her parents failed them both, but only she had physically suffered.

She would only very very rarely see her parents, they were never invited to her home, they never met her children, their only grandchildren.

They weren't bad people, just people who thought more of him and his sporting success.

They apologised I believe several times years ago, but it never moved her.

As they aged she saw very little of them and she wasn't involved at all when they died.

She has made a great success of her life both professionally and privately, but I have no doubt that it has been very painful.

Too many parents think "rough housing" among children is acceptable.

I have had zero tolerance always.
Over the years I have told the above story to a few people who were tolerating it between their sons, as if that is somehow more acceptable.

It has given them pause for thought.

As parents we need to be very mindful that children can have a vastly different view of their chilhood with the same home.

Thank you. The situation is shit no matter what. DS must actually truly hate me