Wee in the night as a house guest

[TimeSlipMushroom]

Currently staying the weekend with friends to attend an event away from home.

I needed a wee in the night and friend has made it very clear that she's not very happy and thinks it's bad form. Apparently people can hold it in. (I was a quiet as possible but did put a light on and flush the loo due to time of the month)

Now feeling anxious about tonight which will probably make me need a wee even more!

I hate confrontation but don't know what to do. Advice/hints/perspective please

Chiming in just to agree with the majority. I cannot imagine being told off for having gone to the loo in the middle of the night.

I wouldn't be staying tonight........she's downright rude. 😬

Your friends a twat

tell her you need her to provide a potty for you if you can’t use the toilet, or would she prefer you use the garden

Ask is she would prefer you to borrow a measuring jug overnight.

Can't book in anywhere sadly due to everywhere being booked up due to the local event and am short on money and transport. Besides Ds would be really sad to leave his friends and it would be very awkward with friend.

Friendship is basically over anyway though due to her behaviour. It's not you who's making things awkward it's her. There's no need to explain you're in your period, that's your own personal business. You don't have to justify why you need the loo in the night. And it would set an example to your DS about how it's appropriate to treat people, if you left.

I don't generally get up to wee at night, but if someone has to wee, they should never hold it in because you can get kidney stones that way.

My ex sil, note the ex, was a nasty bully.
My dm was scared stiff of the dark but she wouldn’t let dm put a light on to go to the toilet in the night.
Dm was sleeping on a sofa bed downstairs, the toilet was upstairs, dm found a bucket and deposited the urine out of the window early in the morning.

Dm also had an altercation with a roast chicken at their house. The huge unruly dog got hold of it whilst dm was on her own in the house. Dm knew she would get shouted at so she fought the dog, retrieved the chicken and after a quick rinse under the tap returned it to the plate!

They certainly got more than a peck of dirt when dm was there.😂

She wouldn't like me so!! I always have to go during the night. I can't believe she actually said something to you though

Oh Timeslip, your friend is being really unfair.
I remember as a child staying the night at chilly houses and waking in the night desperate for a wee and not knowing where the light switches were.

The aching bladder and trying to get comfy.. not good.

A kindly host will always show a guest where the light switches are, and where the loo is, and to say to use it whenever.

It is the lights issue as a child that used to worry me-
My friend's parents used to have a large Edwardian house in Chiswick that had Icons hung everywhere- It had a very gothic feel and was a bit eerie by night- But her mum was lovely and showed me where the upstairs loo was on the second time I stayed.

Yes it is. It's extremely inhospitable. I always tell my guests to make themselves at home when they come and stay (and if it means getting up multiple times a night to use the loo then so be it)

Assuming you're back there tonight just go when you need to go - what's she going to do, wrestle you off the toilet seat?

You can stay in a hotel next time and if this ends the friendship, so be it.

Totally unreasonable. Everybody’s bodies work differently. Some people can go all night without a wee but others can’t, a lot of it is to do with how much of the antidiuretic hormone your body is producing overnight, if you don’t produce enough your body won’t reduce the amount of urine it produces overnight and you’ll need to wee. Some medications like anti-depressants can effect the production of the hormone too. If your body is producing urine overnight and you wake up needing to wee it’s not something you can do much about.

I always need to wee in the night especially at other peoples houses, I sometimes have issues with bedwetting so if I do wake up needing to wee would never risk ignoring it and trying to go back to sleep etc. Even if I avoid things like alcohol and caffeine and don’t drink much before bed I still seem to need to wee. I also find being on my period makes me need to wee more for some reason so that would be a double reason to need to get up in the night.

Realistically what does she expect a guest who wakes up needing the toilet to do? Lie awake uncomfortable and holding it all night? Risk wetting yourself/ the bed? If you’ve got your period risk flooding all over the sheets?

I would try and grab a word with her later when no one else is around and just explain that you have your period and also that you usually wee overnight and would find it uncomfortable or not possible to hold and ask what she expects you to do? Then I guess all you can do is agree you won’t stay again.

Bad form?

Think she needs a bit of an education on etiquette and general manners, not allowing guests to use the toilet is outrageously controlling and bringing up that someone has done so in front of others unspeakably rude.

Buy her a copy of Debrett's guide, it is a suitably small, non-flashy gift that makes your point clearly!

Ask her for a bucket and then leave it for her to empty.....

I would try and grab a word with her later when no one else is around and just explain that you have your period and also that you usually wee overnight and would find it uncomfortable or not possible to hold and ask what she expects you to do? Then I guess all you can do is agree you won’t stay again.

Why should the OP have to explain why she needs to go for a wee in the night?

Like others have said I'd be packing and staying elsewhere.
No way would I be staying somewhere where I couldn't have a wee when I needed to. That's ridiculous 😒

If you drink a lot of water during the day most people wee at night. Lighter sleepers almost always wee at night too.

Maybe she can provide drynites instead then?? What a weirdo!!

Don't put the light on, use your phone for light, and don't flush if it's only a wee (though if you are on your period I can see why this wouldn't work) and never stay with her again!!

Your friend is bonkers. I get up for a wee 2-3 times a night, but I do it quietly and don't put lights on/flush (obviously unavoidable in your case)

Can't believe there's 5 pages of posts on this! Haven't left the chat. Will have a good read through later.

Going against the grain here, but I’d prefer my guests to flush the loo when they’ve used it-don’t fancy confronting stale wee in the morning! But of course, if they don’t, then I’d NEVER mention it.

I would not dream of making that sort of demand on someone, because it is INHUMANE.

As well as rude.