A friend of mine said something in conversation to me last week and it's kind of bothered me. So obviously I'm coming on here to seek the opinions of a bunch of random unknowns on the internet because fuck it, plenty of you have given me help before. We were talking and he kind of looked at me full of sympathy and said "you need to do something fun!" For the record this friend has some pretty extreme hobbies that usually involve being thousands of feet in the air. He tries to get me involved but I prefer my feet on the ground to be honest. I like gravity.
I'm single and will be presumably remain so for the rest of my life. Partly because of various life experiences that have left a few scars (nothing dramatic, fuck it at my age of nearly 40 who isn't a bit damaged), partly because of the hundreds upon HUNDREDS of absolute horror stories I read on here but mainly because I genuinely do love my own company and hardly ever fancy anyone anyway. I also do not and have never wanted children. EVER. This in itself makes me feel lonely - because most people I know are parents or want to be parents and either are in or are searching for happy, healthy relationships. Making memories and all that bollocks. If someone amazing came along sure I'd give it a bit of a shot but I wouldn't bother going out of my way and I'd certainly not go looking for it.
I admit I do feel like something big is missing in my life but I don't think it's a partner. I'm not really sure what it is, sometimes I think maybe most of us working class folk just yearn for a kind of life that we can't embrace because of the all too common factor - lots and lots of money. If I won the lottery I'd do this blah blah blah. So I work and I have a good job, I own (well mortgaged) a beautiful little house. I have my own financial system, two wonderful loving parents whom I love dearly and long term friends scattered here and there whom I catch up with several every couple of months. Sometimes for a walk, sometimes for lots of wine. I love walking so I do a lot of walking, I also go on walking holidays and sometimes chilled out beach holidays by myself. I don't really like going on group holidays as I find them suffocating. I'll often stick my head in a good novel, or dive down an internet rabbit hole about unsolved crimes. I like to cook, potter about the garden, try to write the odd short story. I like being at home listening to some relaxing music or I'll take myself off out for a nice bit of breakfast or dinner. When the nights are dark I like to take myself off to bed and lie next to a lamp embracing a bit of classical music and just appreciating serenity. I absolutely love nature. If it's green - I'll be there with my hiking boots. If I'm at home I'll stick a good drama on the television or rewatch old sitcoms. I wouldn't say I was happy but I'm pretty comfortable.
But I don't really feel like I have a "thing" and this comment has made me think my life is just a bit, well.... empty? I actually posted something on here yonks ago about reducing my hours for more leisure time and one horrible poster told me I might as well not bother because my life is dull and miserable because I'm single with no kids. I'm now wondering if she had a point 🙁