Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Does my life sound boring?

134 replies

YouLittlePlonka · 16/06/2023 16:57

A friend of mine said something in conversation to me last week and it's kind of bothered me. So obviously I'm coming on here to seek the opinions of a bunch of random unknowns on the internet because fuck it, plenty of you have given me help before. We were talking and he kind of looked at me full of sympathy and said "you need to do something fun!" For the record this friend has some pretty extreme hobbies that usually involve being thousands of feet in the air. He tries to get me involved but I prefer my feet on the ground to be honest. I like gravity.

I'm single and will be presumably remain so for the rest of my life. Partly because of various life experiences that have left a few scars (nothing dramatic, fuck it at my age of nearly 40 who isn't a bit damaged), partly because of the hundreds upon HUNDREDS of absolute horror stories I read on here but mainly because I genuinely do love my own company and hardly ever fancy anyone anyway. I also do not and have never wanted children. EVER. This in itself makes me feel lonely - because most people I know are parents or want to be parents and either are in or are searching for happy, healthy relationships. Making memories and all that bollocks. If someone amazing came along sure I'd give it a bit of a shot but I wouldn't bother going out of my way and I'd certainly not go looking for it.

I admit I do feel like something big is missing in my life but I don't think it's a partner. I'm not really sure what it is, sometimes I think maybe most of us working class folk just yearn for a kind of life that we can't embrace because of the all too common factor - lots and lots of money. If I won the lottery I'd do this blah blah blah. So I work and I have a good job, I own (well mortgaged) a beautiful little house. I have my own financial system, two wonderful loving parents whom I love dearly and long term friends scattered here and there whom I catch up with several every couple of months. Sometimes for a walk, sometimes for lots of wine. I love walking so I do a lot of walking, I also go on walking holidays and sometimes chilled out beach holidays by myself. I don't really like going on group holidays as I find them suffocating. I'll often stick my head in a good novel, or dive down an internet rabbit hole about unsolved crimes. I like to cook, potter about the garden, try to write the odd short story. I like being at home listening to some relaxing music or I'll take myself off out for a nice bit of breakfast or dinner. When the nights are dark I like to take myself off to bed and lie next to a lamp embracing a bit of classical music and just appreciating serenity. I absolutely love nature. If it's green - I'll be there with my hiking boots. If I'm at home I'll stick a good drama on the television or rewatch old sitcoms. I wouldn't say I was happy but I'm pretty comfortable.

But I don't really feel like I have a "thing" and this comment has made me think my life is just a bit, well.... empty? I actually posted something on here yonks ago about reducing my hours for more leisure time and one horrible poster told me I might as well not bother because my life is dull and miserable because I'm single with no kids. I'm now wondering if she had a point 🙁

OP posts:
YouLittlePlonka · 16/06/2023 16:59

*separately not several!!

OP posts:
Jellyx · 16/06/2023 16:59

My honest answer is you're maybe missing kids. I think it must be lonely to have no family (I understand you have your parents).

If I were you I'd look at volunteering opportunities or any 'service' jobs.
I think having some purpose for others, and not just ourselves, is really meaningful.

YouLittlePlonka · 16/06/2023 17:01

I accept I probably crave a "unit" of some sort but I cannot express this enough. I won't even sit near kids in a restaurant. I'm just not one for children and I never have been.

OP posts:
fedupallthisrubbish · 16/06/2023 17:04

What about horse riding .... beautiful animals who give love and enjoyment and going for a ride in the woods is truly amazing

YouLittlePlonka · 16/06/2023 17:05

fedupallthisrubbish · 16/06/2023 17:04

What about horse riding .... beautiful animals who give love and enjoyment and going for a ride in the woods is truly amazing

True. Unfortunately it costs around £15,000,000,000,000 per hour

OP posts:
changeyerheadworzel · 16/06/2023 17:07

I think your life sounds pretty blissful. I would love a life like that. I am tired of being run ragged.

catsnore · 16/06/2023 17:07

As someone who has two kids, your life sounds bliss! I'd love a nice quiet evening with a book or listening to music 😂

Different people get fulfilment in different ways. Kids tie you down and you can't really live your own life anymore - you have to live partly through them.

I always think that you should just prioritise what you enjoy and keep trying new things to keep an element of surprise. Don't worry about someone else's opinion.

Alsobeyondshit · 16/06/2023 17:08

Why do you care what a random person or random people think? If you are happy ish carry on. If you think you need a 'thing' then find one. A hobby (of which there are thousands to choose from) or volunteering or something

Your life sounds very normal.

I don't have kids (trying to) but manage to have a full and lovely life. Lots of friends, some with and without kids, a decent job, hobbies, interests, have done volunteering, cinema, theatre, book clubs, writing courses, other arty courses... Do what you want op. You also don't have to do anything at all.

Alsobeyondshit · 16/06/2023 17:08

YouLittlePlonka · 16/06/2023 17:01

I accept I probably crave a "unit" of some sort but I cannot express this enough. I won't even sit near kids in a restaurant. I'm just not one for children and I never have been.

I'd like kids and have zero desire to sit near random ones in a restaurant.

BunsenBurnerBaby · 16/06/2023 17:11

Your life sounds amazing and is totally what I will be doing when kids (and DH?) move out. Are you content or are you missing a tribe?

OldKingCole · 16/06/2023 17:13

Your life sounds pretty great to me!
I think you might be missing a dog or other pet though 😊

Holly60 · 16/06/2023 17:14

Are you missing a purpose? For many people their purpose is tied up in their families/children.

Could you think about a cause/ community that is important to you and get involved in that. It could be raising awareness of the childfree lifestyle, for example.

YouLittlePlonka · 16/06/2023 17:14

BunsenBurnerBaby · 16/06/2023 17:11

Your life sounds amazing and is totally what I will be doing when kids (and DH?) move out. Are you content or are you missing a tribe?

I think this is I mate. I need a tribe 👊

OP posts:
Mabelface · 16/06/2023 17:21

Your life sounds wonderful. If you're truly happy with it (especially prior to the comment), just embrace and continue to enjoy what you have. Forget societal expectations. Fuck 'em.

YouLittlePlonka · 16/06/2023 17:21

If I ever fell pregnant (not going to happen because the only person I'd actually shag is a film star who died in 2009) I'd be utterly hysterical. Fucking trust me. Kids are not for me!

OP posts:
Flamingnorahs · 16/06/2023 17:35

The way you write, I think you sound fanbloodytastic and your life sounds perfectly fine. I'd would suggest getting some pets though and perhaps doing some night classes (I've recently done a crime related psychology type short course and made a new friend. You might find your tribe in a similar way)

WellTidy · 16/06/2023 17:35

Your life sounds great. If you think you’re missing something, would you consider having a dog? Or a pet of any sort? Or maybe volunteering? I know this sounds trite and I often see volunteering being suggested in a huge number of situations, but it’s only an idea. If you’re outdoorsy, as a ranger or something along those lines?

GoodVibesHere · 16/06/2023 17:40

changeyerheadworzel · 16/06/2023 17:07

I think your life sounds pretty blissful. I would love a life like that. I am tired of being run ragged.

I agree with this!

Your life sounds lovely - peaceful yet filled with activities that you enjoy. Ah bliss! It's the simple things that make for a happy life.

YouLittlePlonka · 16/06/2023 17:41

I know you'll all hate me... but I don't like dogs as much as I don't like children. Sorry but anything needy and noisy doesn't get my vote. I do love cats but my current home isn't appropriate for a cat and to be honest, I just don't do commitment.

OP posts:
artyarty · 16/06/2023 17:41

I live a pretty similar life to you, apart from one thing - I have cats! I think a pet would make a difference, I adore my cats and never feel lonely as long as they're around 😊

Supergluerules · 16/06/2023 17:42

That sounds perfect and completely normal (if such a thing exists). I've learnt to adjust in the past year or so after raising 3DC and working FT over the past 20-odd years. Taking life at your own pace and without demands from others is hard for many of us as we're not used to it.
But you've got it nailed 👏

YouLittlePlonka · 16/06/2023 17:43

The only volunteering opportunities near me are charity shops and as much as I love charity shops (shop in them regularly) I don't want to be indoors. I like being outside in the fresh air.

OP posts:
jellyminelli · 16/06/2023 17:46

Just because he jumps out of planes, he's no more exciting than you. The only problem with your post is that you say you feel something is missing.

I find it hard to believe there's no volunteering opportunities other than shops though. Where are you based?

MomFromSE · 16/06/2023 17:55

If you are happy then your life sounds fine. However, not being responsible to or for anyone for most people would lead to existential angst. The fact that the compromises associated with even being on a group holiday are too much suggests that the give and take of social relationships is something you've completely lost the habit of. Again all of this is fine if you are happy but your post suggests you aren't.

Like others, I'd suggest volunteering. Being part of the wider community and focussing on something bigger than yourself and outside of your own needs might give you the spiritual fulfilment you seem to be missing.

MomFromSE · 16/06/2023 17:57

There are lots of organisations that need volunteers. If you like being outdoors perhaps help with organising your local Park Run or and volunteer your time as a governor or in any of the myriad ways your community might need help.

Swipe left for the next trending thread