Does my life sound boring?

[YouLittlePlonka]

A friend of mine said something in conversation to me last week and it's kind of bothered me. So obviously I'm coming on here to seek the opinions of a bunch of random unknowns on the internet because fuck it, plenty of you have given me help before. We were talking and he kind of looked at me full of sympathy and said "you need to do something fun!" For the record this friend has some pretty extreme hobbies that usually involve being thousands of feet in the air. He tries to get me involved but I prefer my feet on the ground to be honest. I like gravity.

I'm single and will be presumably remain so for the rest of my life. Partly because of various life experiences that have left a few scars (nothing dramatic, fuck it at my age of nearly 40 who isn't a bit damaged), partly because of the hundreds upon HUNDREDS of absolute horror stories I read on here but mainly because I genuinely do love my own company and hardly ever fancy anyone anyway. I also do not and have never wanted children. EVER. This in itself makes me feel lonely - because most people I know are parents or want to be parents and either are in or are searching for happy, healthy relationships. Making memories and all that bollocks. If someone amazing came along sure I'd give it a bit of a shot but I wouldn't bother going out of my way and I'd certainly not go looking for it.

I admit I do feel like something big is missing in my life but I don't think it's a partner. I'm not really sure what it is, sometimes I think maybe most of us working class folk just yearn for a kind of life that we can't embrace because of the all too common factor - lots and lots of money. If I won the lottery I'd do this blah blah blah. So I work and I have a good job, I own (well mortgaged) a beautiful little house. I have my own financial system, two wonderful loving parents whom I love dearly and long term friends scattered here and there whom I catch up with several every couple of months. Sometimes for a walk, sometimes for lots of wine. I love walking so I do a lot of walking, I also go on walking holidays and sometimes chilled out beach holidays by myself. I don't really like going on group holidays as I find them suffocating. I'll often stick my head in a good novel, or dive down an internet rabbit hole about unsolved crimes. I like to cook, potter about the garden, try to write the odd short story. I like being at home listening to some relaxing music or I'll take myself off out for a nice bit of breakfast or dinner. When the nights are dark I like to take myself off to bed and lie next to a lamp embracing a bit of classical music and just appreciating serenity. I absolutely love nature. If it's green - I'll be there with my hiking boots. If I'm at home I'll stick a good drama on the television or rewatch old sitcoms. I wouldn't say I was happy but I'm pretty comfortable.

But I don't really feel like I have a "thing" and this comment has made me think my life is just a bit, well.... empty? I actually posted something on here yonks ago about reducing my hours for more leisure time and one horrible poster told me I might as well not bother because my life is dull and miserable because I'm single with no kids. I'm now wondering if she had a point 🙁

You’re missing a furry friend! 😂Other than that your life sounds good to me. You seem happy? Why put yourself in a box, to please others.

I don’t want to jump out of a blame either lol

Plane not blame!

I don’t think the OP is missing kids - she doesn’t like them.

I think you are missing a local community of friends though OP and annoyingly the only way is to go out and be reasonably sociable. Pick things you enjoy - be that pottery or park run or hiking because it takes time to make friends so you need to be interested in the activity. Even making acquaintances will keep you busy.

If you also need a bit of specific life purpose (although lots of people don’t) then explore what that might be - career tweak / volunteering for something - aging takes him to find it.

I get the vibe you do actually want a relationship (you either do or you don’t and the fact you say you’d be happy if it came along makes me think you do) - in which case (sorry) it might be OLD for you, but try some local socialising first if you want.

I think you are probably a bit shy and you’ve also got a bit lazy. Other people are effort and it’s v easy to get into the habit of reading and solitary walks, but you have too much of this right now and you’re lonely. Make a bit of a sustained effort for better balance.

I think you should have a look at the Child Free Forum.

Me, I am retreating to my evening of porn and alcohol.

Me, I am retreating to my evening of porn and alcohol

I can think of worse ways to pass a Friday evening 😆

Same, right after I put the kids to bed... and score some coke natch 😁

It sounds like you are lacking a sense of purpose and enough company. I get the impression that you don’t see any one of your friends that often, they are sort of on rotation. It’s harder to connect without that frequency.

I would suggest outdoor based volunteering. If you are in a town/city there are still community gardens, wildlife havens, parks etc. You get to be outdoors, gain a sense of purpose and find a tribe of like minded people you see regularly (but can get away from).

https://www.wildlifetrusts.org/closer-to-nature/volunteer

Who is anyone to rate your life .. you sound happy .. and never underestimate having peace in your life ...maybe get a dog to take on your lovely walks

Hi OP, your life sounds amazing! I think every person needs a goal to work towards whether it's big or small. There's a trio of life purposes i think-someone to love, something to do and something to look forward to. I have a very typical MN life of 2 children, a house and an ok paying job. I don't mind any of those and am very grateful but power lifting makes me feel alive! I go for 1 hour a day where I am nobody but me trying to deadlift 100kg of weight. Doing something slightly thrilling makes all the difference in my opinion. Maybe you could step out of your comfort zone and try something that scares and excites you at the same time: rock climbing, public speaking, surfing. I think equilibrium can be stifling. We all need a bit of danger in our lives from time to time.

Your life sounds fine. Not everyone has to belong to a tribe, group etc. Everyone leads their own life, and what works for you, isn’t right for someone else.

I love a good book, going for walks etc. also.

I am the same as you, I love classical music on in bed, usually with a good book, I've done that since I was a child. Before my partner I lived pretty much like this. ( my partner was a fluke and we have since had a child) after partner haha (optimistically partner and I could sit in rocking chairs side by side in care home) I'll resume but add in parenting.. I never plan and never will go out again with a guy (I'm not bothered so I won't rock the boat for my child over something I'm not overly bothered about)

The only difference is im not sociable so don't have friends... but I do have family including SIL I go out with.

I have hobbies like kayaking, surfing to add in though.

So your life doesn't sound boring at all it sounds fulfilling, honest and idyllic.

Your life sounds peaceful.

I would be bored but that's not the same as saying it is boring.

There's a lot to be said for peaceful

I'm long term single and never wanted kids.
What helped me was accepting that I should do what I want to do, and not what people think I should do.
That it's okay to be content with the life I have and I am.

Sometimes I do wildly adventurous things.
Sometimes I spend all weekend in bed.

Your life sounds great.

I live a very quiet, private way of life, it suits me. I have given up trying to justify to others l am not bored, not looking for a partner, not lonely etc. I refuse to do stuff l don't want to do just to come across as more interesting. I couldn't think of anything worse than volunteering, the volunteers l have met seem bossy jobsworths as well as miserable, none of them seemed to get any joy out of it. But something to tell their friends l suppose.

No your life sounds fabulous. Mother of 3, I think we massively need to normalise ‘intentionally childless’ as an option amongst women. Do you really want to have any changes? If not, don’t.

Your life is very similar to mine OP.

I am single (well, seeing someone but not living together and I think I am going to pull the plug very soon as It's going nowhere).

I am 40 with no children. I am a little afraid around children. I was the same even when I was a child myself! I am not sure how to 'be' around them.

I like walks, I like wine, I have a small but lovely (mortgaged) house. I did have a decent job but was made redundant (company went bust) and am now muddling through on freelance work.

I have two parents, still married, one of whom I am very close to.

I am an only child-this may be part of why I am who I am.

I dont like groups of people and am quite nervous in group holiday situations, which I have only done once and felt really quite anxious the whole time. The person I am seeing LOVES being around lots of people-I admit I actually find it quite boring.

I very seldom fancy anyone, either!

I love books and internet rabbit-holes, I can stay up all night on a decent one. Group situations exhaust me-I teach on a Thurs and Fri and I nap afterwards as it overwhelms me even though I adore many aspects of it. I watch old TV programs, I like gardening and cooking (I am not good at the former, I am at the latter).

I take myself off to the local pub often, I do engage with people while I am there, and have some I would class as great friends, but on my own terms and seedtimes I go when I know nobody else I know will be in, and savour a glass of wine and a book (kindle or 'real').

I don't take myself out for dinner/breakfast but that's more to do with my always being on a bloody diet. I do often consider doing it!

And I too prefer my feet on the ground. I try various hobbies but with my redundancy situation I don't want to do things I spend money on now until I feel a bit more financial certainty. I did pole and adult gymnastics classes. I used to run a lot but long covid meant that has been left behind. I still try to do it but not as much.

I LOVE being alone. I need to be alone a lot of the time. I've had partners, including a very abusive one where I almost lost my life-so yes I guess I have scars. But ultimately I totally recognise that 'something missing' feeling. And I try out new hobbies but rarely get into them.

I may have missed the point of the thread, but felt it may be helpful to show solidarity.
I dont think there's anything wrong with our lives per se-just that society isn't geared toward this type of lifestyle. It's geared toward family, and people will always find it a bit odd for that reason.

I think we all need a 'thing' aside from families, that makes us who we are. But it doesn't have to be one 'thing'.

Bloody hell! You are literally me! Also an only child and I agree that's probably why we are such massive introverts x

Have you ever had a relationship OP?

Could you try and meet up with friends more often or make some more friends, that’s the only thing that stood out from you post?

I wouldn't worry about your life being 'boring'.
Loads of married people and parents live profoundly 'boring' lives.
Your life sounds great!
But this bit is key: "I wouldn't say I was happy but I'm pretty comfortable."
You are literally saying you aren't happy, so something needs to change.
Do you like what you do for a living, and have you ever considered retraining at all? This could be an exciting project to undertake.

I am late 40s, married, two children, pretty good job which I mostly like. I have occasional friends but since my best friend died a few years ago, no-one I can really talk to. I too have felt like something is 'missing' in the last couple of years. I am not sure if it is mid-life readjustment or not, but I want to be more connected to my community. I commute a long way for work so making connections in my town has been challenging. I have started two new hobbies and through that have joined a committee for one of them. It has taken a while but I am starting to feel a bit more connected.

So...I am just writing this really to let you know that we can all feel a bit adrift I think, whether we have the anchors of relationships and children or not. I have no other family around, not sure if that is part of it though.

Your life sounds wonderful. You seem like you have the biggest prize of all which is peace within yourself.

I'm 52, single, although I do have a 20 year old DS. I do have a dog though although I get that isn't for you. I do loads of walking (mostly on my own) and this year for the first time I did a long haul holiday on my own which I absolutely loved. I've resigned myself to remaining single and have decided if the right fella came along then fab, if he doesn't then no big deal.

Don't compare yourself to your friend as I'm sure there are aspects of your life he's envious of. Comparison really is the thief of joy so don't take notice of him. It doesn't matter if he thinks your life is boring, it matters if you think your life is boring.

If you do what you've always done
You get what you've always got.

Embrace your freedom, and make changes if you feel you need to.

I think this is such a great post. Your life sounds lovely to me OP, though I wanted children and (despite the sacrifices, most notably my sanity) wouldn’t be without them. I also love pets but completely accept that others don’t. Life would be so boring if we were all the same.

Nobody has the right to judge your life, I wouldn’t entertain that sort of discussion again. My neighbour went skydiving (she won a prize) and she LOVED it and told me about it so enthusiastically, I thought ‘good for you’ but honestly that would be my idea of a traumatic experience 😂 I didn’t try to tell her something was wrong with her for enjoying it.

But yeah, it does sound like you’re feeling the lack of something within yourself. It’s not because you’re doing life wrong, it’s presumably because you feel you need something else/more/different as well. I’d say attempt to enjoy the journey towards figuring out what that thing is, without feeling like your life is ‘boring’ as it is. It sounds blissful.

We were talking and he kind of looked at me full of sympathy and said "you need to do something fun!" For the record this friend has some pretty extreme hobbies that usually involve being thousands of feet in the air. He tries to get me involved but I prefer my feet on the ground to be honest. I like gravity

Why does your mate feel the need to turn you into an adrenalin junkie like him? I don't think your life is boring (although you may be in a bit of a rut, happens to all of us). Why do you 'need' to do something fun (fun in his terms, that is)?

I think your mate has looked at your life, thought 'boring' and 'I couldn't do that, it would drive me spare' and is projecting that onto you.

@BeverlyHa, every posts I see from you on here suggests both a terminal lack of imagination and a peculiar nastiness.

OP, your life would bore me, but you’re not me, and have presumably created a life that suits you. The only thing that suggests a lack of contentment is that your friend’s comment is haunting you.

You sound as if you spend a lot of time by yourself because your friends are geographically scattered — would you like some more local friends you could see on a more regular basis? A hillwalking club sounds as if it would cater to your fondness to outdoors and put you in contact with potentially congenial people. The other thing that occurred to me is drystone walling — where I am (no longer UK) they look for volunteers to repair old walls, and you go and are trained and rebuild for a weekend or so. Fascinating work, outdoors, and the people I’ve met have been lovely. Googling ‘drystone wall volunteer uk’ pulled up lots of opportunities in different parts of the country.