Does my life sound boring?

[YouLittlePlonka]

A friend of mine said something in conversation to me last week and it's kind of bothered me. So obviously I'm coming on here to seek the opinions of a bunch of random unknowns on the internet because fuck it, plenty of you have given me help before. We were talking and he kind of looked at me full of sympathy and said "you need to do something fun!" For the record this friend has some pretty extreme hobbies that usually involve being thousands of feet in the air. He tries to get me involved but I prefer my feet on the ground to be honest. I like gravity.

I'm single and will be presumably remain so for the rest of my life. Partly because of various life experiences that have left a few scars (nothing dramatic, fuck it at my age of nearly 40 who isn't a bit damaged), partly because of the hundreds upon HUNDREDS of absolute horror stories I read on here but mainly because I genuinely do love my own company and hardly ever fancy anyone anyway. I also do not and have never wanted children. EVER. This in itself makes me feel lonely - because most people I know are parents or want to be parents and either are in or are searching for happy, healthy relationships. Making memories and all that bollocks. If someone amazing came along sure I'd give it a bit of a shot but I wouldn't bother going out of my way and I'd certainly not go looking for it.

I admit I do feel like something big is missing in my life but I don't think it's a partner. I'm not really sure what it is, sometimes I think maybe most of us working class folk just yearn for a kind of life that we can't embrace because of the all too common factor - lots and lots of money. If I won the lottery I'd do this blah blah blah. So I work and I have a good job, I own (well mortgaged) a beautiful little house. I have my own financial system, two wonderful loving parents whom I love dearly and long term friends scattered here and there whom I catch up with several every couple of months. Sometimes for a walk, sometimes for lots of wine. I love walking so I do a lot of walking, I also go on walking holidays and sometimes chilled out beach holidays by myself. I don't really like going on group holidays as I find them suffocating. I'll often stick my head in a good novel, or dive down an internet rabbit hole about unsolved crimes. I like to cook, potter about the garden, try to write the odd short story. I like being at home listening to some relaxing music or I'll take myself off out for a nice bit of breakfast or dinner. When the nights are dark I like to take myself off to bed and lie next to a lamp embracing a bit of classical music and just appreciating serenity. I absolutely love nature. If it's green - I'll be there with my hiking boots. If I'm at home I'll stick a good drama on the television or rewatch old sitcoms. I wouldn't say I was happy but I'm pretty comfortable.

But I don't really feel like I have a "thing" and this comment has made me think my life is just a bit, well.... empty? I actually posted something on here yonks ago about reducing my hours for more leisure time and one horrible poster told me I might as well not bother because my life is dull and miserable because I'm single with no kids. I'm now wondering if she had a point 🙁

Sounds amazing, you can do what you want when you want. I read something ages ago about breadth people rather than depth people. I’m a breadth person so I like lots of things a little, rather than one thing loads. One is no better than the other.

I do have kids and pets and a job so I don’t get lots of time but one thing I’m doing this year is something ‘good’ each month. It might be a charity event, I might raise money doing exercise, I might donate a load of stuff to a charity shop etc etc. A breadth of stuff that helps me feel altruistic and connected, well I hope so anyway!

I'm another one who thinks your description of your life sounds like you're doing what you want. Why did that person's comment niggle you? If it is something to reflect on, I would say do that slowly, as and when. See what comes to you (thought wise). And, most (all) things people say are about them not us.

I have a colleague who's similar. She recently went to the West Country for a weekend of volunteer tree planting, so if you want to be outside and volunteer you could look for things like that.

If you want to explore finding a tribe, it sounds to me like an online group might do but there are a zillion things to try.

Mainly I think, we get what we focus on so if you want something then explore what that might be by letting your mind wander while out on walks. Stuff happens if we sow a seed that way, I find. <v unmumsnetty woo I have found to be true>

So what if you don't have kids. Your life sounds idyllic to me!
Other people can fuck off and stop pushing their expectations on you. I think your life sounds great.

Your life sounds fine?

I actually think it sounds pretty amazing.

But I love a lot of the things you love - pottering, reading, bed on a dark evening.

Your friend is obviously very different - don't take to heart what he said. I hate heights and think his life sounds awful.

Horses for courses.

If you think you are missing something, get involved in local community group or something, something related to your interests.

Had to eye roll at the very first response saying you're missing kids 🙄

I agree with this it sounds great!

Humans always get restless when we're too comfortable as I reckon we are animals at heart and kind of built to scavenge or battle to survive sometimes (or something like that). But I think also we need just a little ongoing connection and that's what you might be missing. What about a little dog?

Are there no wildlife trusts or similar organisations nearby?

https://www.wildlifetrusts.org/closer-to-nature/volunteer

Also, a lot of the country parks near us use volunteers... Might be worth enquiring if you haven't already.

Your life sounds blissful!
Can I come visit you 😂

I have 3 kids and another due end of summer. I love parenting but it's something I genuinely don't think people who have no desire to be a parent miss.

I wanted a baby at 13, seriously considered it in all honesty but waited until I was 19, like a real adult 😂

My life would be different to yours if I were single because my interests aren't all the same as yours, I'm a retired lunatic since kids (didn't calm down until I had more than 1) have calmed me down.

But your life sounds absolute calm and lovely and enjoyed.
Not many people seem to enjoy their lives. They want more money, less ageing, more instagramable pictures to show. Fuck that pal, you sound like you've got lots of love and happiness.

And sky diving sounds shit to me, stick to the countryside.

Do you know what I suggest if you ever feel your life is boring? Not let it worry you, it isn't ❤

Your life sounds fine. I love walking too. It's hard to describe to people who don't how fulfilling it is.

I think you are letting other people tell you what your life should be. No, you don't need to have kids just because people here tell you you should.

Well, one person's boring is another person's bliss 🤷🏻‍♀️ If you are happy then great.

I think it is hard to find a tribe outside of family and the times in your life where you typically meet lots of people at a similar stage (school, uni, parent groups etc). Hobbies can be a way to connect if that's what's missing. Or maybe do something more with the friends and family you do have.

But again, as long as you're happy, who cares?

I agree with everyone who says your life sounds bliss. Personally, I always wanted children, but I'd be lying if I said the idea of being able to please myself doesn't make me feel a twinge of envy.

Some people are just happy in their own company, and people who struggle to be so, often assume you would be happier with a child / partner / dog / cat / volunteering committment.

If I didn't have a partner and / or children, I would live as you do, and I'm pretty sure I would be happy enough.

Your life doesn't sound boring at all, OP.

You have to live your life, it’s YOUR life not your friends. Do what makes you happy. It sounds pretty chilled and you do things you enjoy in a comfortable routine.

Although you do state you are comfortable rather than happy. I’m not gonna suggest kids like PP tho, I’m childfree and happy so that can absolutely be you.

With your love of nature/outdoors can you join groups/clubs/walking/internet forums with groups in that kind of area to meet new people with similar interests? Do you want or need a new interest or new friends?

Ive found in my forties I’ve been looking for a bit more, think it’s a midlife thing not a I’m missing/need a family thing. I’m exploring different things like painting, gardening and I’m looking at crochet for winter!

you have a very beautiful life. But you say : if someone amazing appears, will give it a chance. HE does not know you exist. May be make up your mind and decide do you want at least a good sexual life and marriage, even it is without children, though I cannot imagine a life with a good sexual life, good man and no children.

OP's second paragraph

I also do not and have never wanted children. EVER

Sounds very calmin and you seem to embrace the simpler things in life without the need to do expensive experiences. Some people are so busy doing everything they thing they should that they forget to smell the coffee and misss some of life's finer points. You do you, don't worry about anybody else x

But I don't really feel like I have a "thing" and this comment has made me think my life is just a bit, well.... empty?

Your life sounds like mine and I don't have a thing, either. I wonder if you've absorbed all the messages women without children get that you have to be doing something worthwhile and significant to make up for not having children?

You don't appear to have much imagination.

MN is so Stepford Wife these days. And I say that as a wife and mother! Who recognises that not everybody needs to be.

Join your local Wildlife Trust. You love being outdoors and walking, and they often hold guided walks around nature reserves etc, and they sometimes need volunteers for projects.

Your (and DH?) comment has made me chuckle!

OP, are you happy? Your life sounds bloody marvellous to me. If you’re missing a ‘unit’, perhaps you could do some kind of meaningful voluntary work or something? Not sure if that would help.

CatfoodOzymandias · Today 18:37
BeverlyHa · Today 18:28

you have a very beautiful life. But you say : if someone amazing appears, will give it a chance. HE does not know you exist. May be make up your mind and decide do you want at least a good sexual life and marriage, even it is without children, though I cannot imagine a life with a good sexual life, good man and no children.
You don't appear to have much imagination.

MN is so Stepford Wife these days. And I say that as a wife and mother! Who recognises that not everybody needs to be.

me: I don't have imagination because am a normal woman who loves traditional marriage and kids and what about you with you imagination? Porn and alcohol all day long ??? omg.

How much have you explored your creative side? Explore your short story writing some more, or maybe nature photography. Your life as it is sounds blissful to me but I recently discovered a creative side and it makes me feel very fulfilled!

Your "thing" is walking and nature!! It's a lovely thing to have. Your life sounds lovely and if you are happy bugger what anyone else thinks! I am a worn out mum to 4 grown up kids and all I do is work and sleep (and walk my dog) I have zero friends except my dh and I pretty much never do anything! If there's truly something missing though, have some fun figuring out what it could be! Maybe time for a new hobby?

I bet you that there are more opportunities to volunteer than charity shops! What time do you have? Would you be interested in volunteering holidays, where you go for a week or longer to work on an outdoorsy project?

me: I don't have imagination because am a normal woman who loves traditional marriage and kids and what about you with you imagination? Porn and alcohol all day long ??? omg.

Well done for reinforcing that comment about no imagination. Someone disagrees with you and according to you they're a porn addled soak.

The vast majority of people have mundane lives day to day. Your life sounds no more boring than most people's. I wouldn't choose your friend's hobbies or lifestyle either tbh! Not my thing. I'm too scared even for normal skiing.

OP I was going to suggest The National Trust - are there any properties near you? Or you could volunteer in the outside part of a gardencentre?