Reasons why you got the ick

[NoEffingWay]

To start with, just to confirm this is lighthearted

I have had a few over the years:

1. wore a yellow coat. He looked like a banana with 90's sunglasses
2. would burp and then declare he was 'bilious' 🤢
3. had clammy hands, it was like holding hands with a damp sponge

All were passion killers, and the second was enough to whip out the divorce papers. Reader, I married him before he turned into Steptoe! (Couldn't put that on the application form but came close )

Had such a thick regional accent, I couldn't understand a large amount of what he said. Was so embarrassed over asking him to repeat what he said constantly that I just dumped him!

Haha!

With one I got the ick when he performed what he thought were alluring dance moves at a party.

With another one, it was when I realised the end of his nose was shaped a bit like a bellend.

Another one turned up to a date in red jeans and to make matters worse they had faded to dark pink.

Spoke so loud the whole time on our date in prezzo the couple next to us looked visibly annoyed. I was mortified.

I briefly dated a guy who didn't eat meat or veg 😳 I was like 'WTF do you eat then?' This question was answered when I went to his house and I found half eaten cans of spaghetti hoops and beans 🤮 He also walked really slowly (like a reluctant toddler) and spoke so slowly I used to fall asleep on the phone when he rang me. He got really upset when I dumped him 😅 He was also terrible at sex 😳

What a catch @PollyCreo! 😂

Oh dear, so many… including talking to me using a baby voice, being tight, being shit at conversation, being unable to interact in a party (you know the quiet guy going through the buffet table?), getting drunk, acting like a hyperactive poodle in the first date, bad teeth, asking if there was a beach in Chile, etc.

He would loudly cough and clear his throat multiple times a day announcing “I’m clearing my catarrh” even the word catarrh now irks me 😂

The way he drew comparisons between me and another woman he had history with - all flattery to me but he just absolutely belittled her to me, mocked her into the ground.

I backed the hell away, he went on to marry her, she cheated and he is considered the victim. I guarantee he was a gaslighting EA Bastard in that relationship

No one but no one from his awful cliquey friendship group would ever believe me for a second and I'd be ridiculed by them.

Eating a whole loaf of bread and butter with every evening meal!

The evening meal was also unhealthy
Im talking a whole bag aunt Bessie roast spuds, half a chicken, jug gravy and 12 Yorkshires. ( that was a Sunday dinner)
Other meals

Fry up = 8 sausages, pack of bacon, 6 eggs, bag hash browns

Chicken burgers and chips =4 of the ready chopped and shaped chicken Breaded things, bag of Home fries.
A loaf of bread and butter went with all the above!

Apparently all fruit and veg is for animals, peas look like bogies, cooked onions are slugs, beans like red rabbit poo. Catch my drift?
Didn't eat yoghurts or cheese as its like thrush!

I kid you not, the above plus kebab and burgers is all he ate on rotation!

@CrumbliestCrumble

Spectacularly unattractive

Oh And those who ate lunch were stuck up!

Breakfast was 6 slices toast with butter.
Or 4 weetabix with heaps of sugar

I know, i can see past fussy eating but the sheer volume of food was just vile.

Extremely attractive, until… he laughed.

This was years and years ago, it killed it, it was whiny and almost tinkly at the same time. He was not for me.

If anyone said the word bilious or catarrh near me they would be dumped instantly 🤮

One wore the same perfume as my mother and bragged about the cost of it.

One had no curiosity and when I told him my friend joined a cult, he told me he needed a poo. Extra ick for using the word poo.

I showed One a family photo and he told me my mother was attractive and he was glad I wouldn't get ugly with age.

One ate cold sausage and beans out of a tin with his fingers.

One liked to match neon shoes to neon blazers.

@SirenSays

One ate cold sausage and beans out of a tin with his fingers.

How to make me joyous that I am single in just one sentence

Erm...

1. He turned up to our first date in a grandad cagoule with the hood up and tied around his face then took me to an indoor bowling club for a drink and to watch the carpet bowls.
2. He arrived on a very hot day when we met for a drink,at lunchtime, after a bike ride- was wearing very tight lycra and was short and skinny and the lycra left huge wet patches on the pub seats where he sat. He didn't want to buy me a drink so I bought both rounds. We hadn't met before the date - a friend had set us up saying I'd love him. He was not my type in any way at all.
3. I opened his fridge door to find kidneys bobbing in a large jar of brine waiting to be cooked. I am vegetarian.

Should just say they are 3 different people.

All the same guy:

Rolled off me after sex (which was pretty crap anyway), farted and promptly fell asleep snoring more loudly than anyone I've ever known.

Same guy, wore normal lace up shoes with dirty sports clothes that he'd worn to play football in the day before. Sprayed them with deodorant and tried to go down to hotel breakfast dressed like that.

Long unkempt finger and toe nails. Brought his damp underpants in a Tesco bag and laid them on my kitchen table to dry.

Took me away for a 'romantic' night to the hotel up my road. Wore a too small shirt which made his neck bulge over the collar. Didn't drink wine but ordered rum and coke. I'd wanted a nice dinner with a bottle of wine. Kept pulling a pouty kiss face at me across the table 🤮

Another guy:
Do you fancy some jiggy jiggy? I've taken a little blue pill wink wink ... get your pants off!

Needless to say I binned both of them off!

When he got an abscess on his arse and he told the district nurse I'd 'pack' it over the weekend to save them coming out.

She turned up expecting to show me how to do it. No chance, he stunk for weeks to as it weeped and weeped! 🤢🤮🤢

He told me he’d had his bathroom tiled in the exact style of a particular tube station. He referred to his parents as “Mother and Father”. He insisted we went to Nando’s on the date despite knowing I’m vegetarian. I didn’t see him again.

Another guy proudly told me he’d furnished his entire flat with matching items from Oak Furnitureland

We met in a nice area for a first date. She refused to go inside a pub or restaurant, insisting she wanted to sit in the park instead. She went into sainsburys for drinks, I asked for beers, she came out with a bottle of wine because quote “I don’t know anything about beers”. Ok… Didn’t get any cups so we had to swig it from the bottle like we were back in high school. Long silences ensued as we sat necking the wine in the park. A random guy in the park was playing music off his phone and she started dancing to it. Very odd evening and i declined a second date

1. was a Holocaust denialist (not sure the ick is a severe enough word)
2. when he got bad news he went and bought himself a huge gourmet spread from Waitrose and ate it alone in a mood.
3. bragged to his friends about our sex life.
4. had a bathroom that stank of piss

(not all the same guy 🫠)

His only ‘job’ was to go into the police station multiple times a day to go into a ‘line up’ he was paid cash in hand, about 20-30£ i think. It was 20+ years ago

He was deaf but refused to wear hearing ads and instead said "sorry?" after literally everything I said. Also didn't tell me this until I jokingly said Have you thought of a hearing aid, to which he replied well I am deaf. WTF.

Sitting with his arms folded and hands jammed in his armpits. Constantly.

Spent the entire hour, the first (and last) time I met him for a coffee telling me about his daughter who works in a brothel and how he found out she was pregnant on a Facebook post where she declared she didn't know who the father was as she'd been working the week she fell pregnant 😲