Reasons why you got the ick

[NoEffingWay]

To start with, just to confirm this is lighthearted

I have had a few over the years:

1. wore a yellow coat. He looked like a banana with 90's sunglasses
2. would burp and then declare he was 'bilious' 🤢
3. had clammy hands, it was like holding hands with a damp sponge

All were passion killers, and the second was enough to whip out the divorce papers. Reader, I married him before he turned into Steptoe! (Couldn't put that on the application form but came close )

One walked on the balls of his feet all the time. And he couldn't drive. Or swim.

One took me to a formal evening 'do'. He wore a shirt, tie and waistcoat but no jacket. He cut his bread roll rather than breaking it and didn't eat any vegetables.

One told me on our first and only date that he'd felt his parents had never loved him and he'd felt compelled to tell them this. Main reason for ick was over sharing too soon, but in fairness he was such a pain I wouldn't have loved him either.

One who phoned his mum to tell her he'd be late home. He was an adult. With a key.

Wore mirrored shades throughout the first date. I’ve no idea what he looked like because I was blinded by my own reflection.

When he told me his sister had a doctor who themed wedding and how brilliant it was.
Ugh. No.

That was on the second date. Still went on a third when he invited me back to mine for dinner and I realised I fancied his housemate way more than him. I legged it for the last tube before the inevitable happened

😂😂

Told me repeatedly that he usually only dated models.

Had no visible bum in jeans (I know that wasn’t his fault- I’m sorry 😬).

Sniffed. A lot.

Talked constantly about how much money he earned. Bore off.

Told me he probably couldn’t take me to meet his parents, as they didn’t approve of barmaids (I was at college 🙄).

Turned out to be a Tory.

They were all different men!

Same @EineReiseDurchDieZeit, same! 😂

Asked me if my phones auto correct that came out as “knacked” meant knackered or naked with the 😉 emoji. We had had one date 🫤

Met him one night at a club.

He said: "Would you like to join me for breakfast?"

[Pause]

"After sex, of course."

It wasn't that he said it within minutes of meeting, more that he thought I didn't know what he meant.

Told me he had a genuine phobia of ghosts. 🤔

Wore red lace up shoes.
Another stuck his tongue in my mouth and it was like being choked by an anaconda, he had the fattest tongue known to man.

Thank god for this thread. I’ve had a fucking awful day and needed a real laugh so thank you all.

I’m crying at bilious.

Was unfamiliar with dental floss and had a naval that stank of gorgonzola

I had a blind date when I was about 16. He spent all evening telling me about his Diabetes.

Walked like he had springs in his heels

Did the double thumbs up like The Fonz

I’d love an oil painting of my cat/s!
that’s assuming they had some degree of talent of course.

I have just remembered a boyfriend who invited himself to move in with me, and then cried about missing his dog who was with his Mum and Dad. We were in our mid-20's. I 100% knew he and I were doomed at that precise moment (not a dog lover especially!)

Chased a carrier bag he had dropped around Tesco car park

When we were in bed, any move that involved exertion and he would let out this loud noise that reminded me of a late middle aged man reacting to something. Hard to describe but it just reminded me of like men like Jeremy Clarkson. I can actually feel my vagina sealing up at the mere memory. My ovaries went Deborah Meaden and declared 'I'm out'.

He declared himself a male feminist and came out with the cringiest woke bollocks just to try to sleep with women. Didn’t work on me, I dried right up.

I love my darling husband dearly, he's just lovely. He a martial arts instructor and once he's taught he does a class himself. When he gets home he always drinks a pint of milk, sometimes he brings it up to bed, it really gives me the ick. 🤣

Saying he was feeling rough as he had 'the sniffles', honestly 🙄

My cats have no talent