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I so hope this is the end (dying)

346 replies

Soupsetscared · 10/06/2023 18:14

Mum broke her hip on Monday, had an operation on Tuesday.
She has been suffering with dementia for a number of years.
Lives in a residential home. She does have a DNAR in place.
Went to see her Wednesday and she is just curled up sleeping alot.
Same Thursday and Friday. The only thing she has eaten is a spoon
of porridge. One small sip of water. Ripped the canulla out herself.
Now is refusing all food and drink.
Yesterday the only words she said was to call me 'evil and a fING bith.
Today she hasn't eaten or drunk anything.
Hospital say it's not at the end yet. Will call me when it's nearly time, so I can
ring my brother and aunt.
I have never heard mum swear. I'm her only daughter and upset that she
thinks that about me.
Am I evil hoping it is the end. She has no life can't remember any of her family
and friends. Forgotten she was ever married.
This was someone who was the first on the dancefloor and last to get off.
Enter a beauty contest before marriage and won.
PA to the CEO of a top company.
Loved everyone and anyone.

OP posts:
Tilllly · 24/09/2023 04:55

Oh love, I'm so sorry for your loss, and for this awful time you've had
Your mum is at peace now, get some rest

1AngelicFruitCake · 24/09/2023 05:08

Sorry for your loss. I’ve read your thread (can’t sleep) and we went through this with my grandparent. It’s hard to forget the process but now I can focus on their wonderful life and hopefully now you can as well x

IsisoftheWalbrook · 24/09/2023 05:32

I’m sorry you have had to go through this. I hope you all now find some calm, and the space to remember your lovely mother before this awful disease took her away.

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Peridot1 · 24/09/2023 05:37

I am so sorry for your loss. And especially for the long and harrowing time it has been for you all.

It really isn’t fair that we put people through this.

My mum had dementia too but thankfully she got pneumonia and passed very quickly from that. I now know why it’s called the old man’s friend.

Tonight1 · 24/09/2023 06:46

I'm sorry. Glad that she is at peace now.

You're going to experience a wide range of emotions now and are probably exhausted 💐

SnapPop · 24/09/2023 06:56

Sorry for your loss OP. Please be kind to yourself and get some rest - you must be exhausted.

Pipsquiggle · 24/09/2023 07:03

Sorry for your loss and this protracted journey you've been on.

She's at peace. Hopefully you will find some peace as well. Remember your DM how she was x

JackieQueen · 24/09/2023 07:34

Sorry for your loss 💐

Pashazade · 24/09/2023 07:59

Sorry for your loss OP, but so glad everyone can now find some peace.

PermanentTemporary · 24/09/2023 08:04

Oh I'm so sorry for your passage through the valley with her. But for her I share the words I will think whrn my mother is finally gone - free at last. Free at last.

itsmeafterall · 24/09/2023 08:12

@Soupsetscared I'm so sorry that you've lost your mum.

I lost my dad to dementia too, and can recognise the mixture of relief and grief you describe.

It took about 18 months but gradually the memories of my dad pre-illness took over from the ones of him being Ill and dying. Now when I think of him it's his laughing face, knocking back a glass of red whilst talking animatedly about politics ❤️

The funeral is a wonderful opportunity to think about your mum, to remember her fabulousness, glamour and beauty. A chance for people to joyfully share their stories of her life and how she made them feel loved, happy and cared for. Plan her a lovely send-off.

Take it one day at a time and know that she understood that you loved her and that you were always there for her.

Unmunsnetty hugs to you.

Tirediam · 24/09/2023 08:14

Hugs to you and your family xxx

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 24/09/2023 08:27

I’m so glad it’s over, OP - for both of you. 💐
My Dm had dementia for a long time and more than once I saw other residents in her care home being badgered and pestered (albeit with the best of intentions) to eat and drink when they no longer wanted to - clear enough to see when they were crying and whimpering and turning their heads away!

I made it clear to staff that this was never going to happen with my DM, already over 90 with advanced dementia, so thank goodness the situation never arose. But I did gather that they wouldn’t have disagreed.

I do think it’s quite often the relatives, though, who are anxious (or insistent) for mum or dad to be kept going as long as possible, regardless of the quality of life.

Roselilly36 · 24/09/2023 08:34

Hugs to you OP. Numb but relieved, resonates with me, I can empathise. You will go through a whole surge of emotions in the coming months, be kind to yourself, it takes a lot of time. You won’t always feel like this I promise.

Lookitaahhh · 24/09/2023 08:36

She’s at peace now and hopefully you’ll all begin to remember her as who she was not who she became. Much love to you all ❤️

Zonder · 24/09/2023 08:39

Such a hard time for you all. Thinking of you and hope you can rest and recover yourself now.

BeverleyMacker · 24/09/2023 08:47

I'm so sorry. I've been quietly following your story. Take care of yourself 💐

JenniferBarkley · 24/09/2023 08:52

I'm very sorry for your loss, and glad that your mum is at peace. Flowers

WitchDancer · 24/09/2023 08:58

My condolences on your loss, may she rest in peace in the Glory of our Lord.

Please don't beat yourself up if you feel relief that she's gone. It was no existence for her and she's free of physical and mental pain now. Flowers

Comtesse · 24/09/2023 08:59

Ahhhhh your poor mum. I’m so sorry for your loss.

stars345 · 24/09/2023 08:59

I'm so sorry. So sorry for everything you have both been through. The memories of her being poorly will fade and you will fondly remember the vibrant person she was. Flowers

AbbeyGailsParty · 24/09/2023 09:05

I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through. Your mum is at peace now, no more distress, no more pain. Look after yourself.💐

Enko · 24/09/2023 09:10

Condolences op. It's so hard to watch someone we love disappear like that.

I guess your dad did come to get her.

newnamechangeforthisone · 24/09/2023 09:11

So sorry for everything you've all been through. Love to you.

Hellno45 · 24/09/2023 11:09

Thinking of you and your family. I'm glad your mum passed peacefully.