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I so hope this is the end (dying)

346 replies

Soupsetscared · 10/06/2023 18:14

Mum broke her hip on Monday, had an operation on Tuesday.
She has been suffering with dementia for a number of years.
Lives in a residential home. She does have a DNAR in place.
Went to see her Wednesday and she is just curled up sleeping alot.
Same Thursday and Friday. The only thing she has eaten is a spoon
of porridge. One small sip of water. Ripped the canulla out herself.
Now is refusing all food and drink.
Yesterday the only words she said was to call me 'evil and a fING bith.
Today she hasn't eaten or drunk anything.
Hospital say it's not at the end yet. Will call me when it's nearly time, so I can
ring my brother and aunt.
I have never heard mum swear. I'm her only daughter and upset that she
thinks that about me.
Am I evil hoping it is the end. She has no life can't remember any of her family
and friends. Forgotten she was ever married.
This was someone who was the first on the dancefloor and last to get off.
Enter a beauty contest before marriage and won.
PA to the CEO of a top company.
Loved everyone and anyone.

OP posts:
Snowdropsarelovely · 01/09/2023 20:02

Only just come across this thread, but my heart goes out to you – I hope that there is a peaceful resolution soon for you all Flowers

vipersnest1 · 01/09/2023 20:29

@Soupsetscared, I've been wondering how you are doing.
Just to make sure you know, anyone who has any idea will not think you are awful.
Your mum is still getting visitors, even though she doesn't know who you are. You all need to be able to live as well, after all.
Don't take her words about nails to heart - she has no filter now and would probably be very upset (if she was her true self) to think she had hurt you.

Zonder · 01/09/2023 22:31

This must be so incredibly hard. Thinking of you.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Honeyroar · 01/09/2023 23:11

Oh you poor things (and her!). I feel for you so much. It’s torture. I don’t judge you at all for only visiting once a week each. It’s just so inhumane.

Soupsetscared · 01/09/2023 23:21

Ladies and gentlemen why oh why are we letting our love ones suffer in this day and age. My mum your mum/dad grandparents aunts uncles brothers and sisters wouldn't want to live in this state.
A beloved dog/cat/horse even down to a mouse we as human beings won't let them suffer but because they are humans it's OK for the suffering to continue.

My mum is so skellitel (can't spell) today I can put my thumb and finger round her KNEE . A size 6 cardigan is massive.
Fortunately I've been able to get her rings off her fingers. These were found in her bed or in the bath.
I have bought mum children's socks and they are too big. Funny thing is her hair looks the best for years. A lovely silver colour. I've asked the staff to put moisturiser on her face and she has hardly any lines.
I watched her being hoisted today that was horrible to see.
I so wish she would give up. If you are watching dad please come back for her.

Sorry I have had a drink tonight.

OP posts:
Pashazade · 02/09/2023 09:02

Oh OP, this is so tough. It's so wrong on so many levels, a big hug for you and your family. We've got this with a family member at the moment only they're lucid and still with us but barely eating or drinking. The only silver lining is they aren't in pain. I just don't understand how their bodies keep functioning.

coffeeisthebest · 03/09/2023 09:33

Hi OP. I agree with you wholeheartedly, having been with my Dad as he suffered and was in so much pain towards the end of his life. He just wanted to go. If one more person had said to me they hoped he would hold one as long as possible I would have screamed, like you say it felt barbaric to keep him alive when he was ready to go. I hope your Mum is relieved of her suffering soon. Take care of yourself.

wayyour · 03/09/2023 11:16

Ladies and gentlemen why oh why are we letting our love ones suffer in this day and age. My mum your mum/dad grandparents aunts uncles brothers and sisters wouldn't want to live in this state.
A beloved dog/cat/horse even down to a mouse we as human beings won't let them suffer but because they are humans it's OK for the suffering to continue.

Cannot agree with this enough. They would not want to live like this, and to suffer, and for the relatives who have to watch them go though this Sad

RichTeee · 03/09/2023 11:45

I believe its because she has dementia that this has been allowed to go on for so long.

My grandmother died in the same way last year, but it took almost 8 torturous months for her to finally leave her body.

She was the kindest, funniest woman I've ever known. I was lucky enough to have a Granny well into my 40s though since covid and being locked away in a nursing home her dementia had become so much worse she had days were she no longer recognised us.

As she could not speak for herself and say I do not want to eat/drink the nursing home had to keep attempting to give her nourishment- even if it meant it was 1 sip of water or a bite of food a day. Just that kept her sustained for many many months after we were told she was dying and to come and say our goodbyes.

Conversely, at the same time my cousin who was dying of cancer but was mentally healthy decided he wanted no more treatment, no more IVs, food or drinks and was allowed to pass peacefully.

Granny just kept going in a manner that was torturous to her, though thankfully she was unaware, each 15 minutes seemed to reset in her mind. It was painful for me as her granddaughter but it nearly broke my Mum to live with the pain and responsibility for 8 months.

I'm sure the pressure you are feeling is enormous and the fact that you feel like you are grieving a person who is still here is very hard to untangle. I wish your Mum a peaceful passing very soon and that you can finally get some rest in both body and mind.

It's probably too late for you as your mum is now so ill and cant consent. I know we couldn't get it here in N Ireland. But if you can try and get medical power of attorney for your loved ones and then you can decide if they can be fed or given drinks etc. I believe this goes beyond the powers of a DNR.

Soupsetscared · 03/09/2023 12:45

@RichTeee its terrible for our loved ones.
Yes it's way too late for mum.
As they keep giving her fruit smoothies or water even if is only sips
this is keeping her alive.
I actually wrote to the prime minister and secretary of health to ask for a change in the law. 2 months and still waiting for a reply.

OP posts:
upinaballoon · 03/09/2023 13:42

I don't want to upset anyone by saying this, but if you are on this thread I expect you will understand when I say that I believe that there are times when death is a friend.

The law won't be changed without some considerable debate, but it keeps on being talked about. I expect that will continue. I wonder if it will be changed during my lifetime. I am getting towards elderly.

diddl · 03/09/2023 15:19

It would be such a hard decision to make for someone else wouldn't it?

Does anyone have the right to do that?

Even though you know that they wouldn't want to be living as they are, I can see how it's not clear cut.

Soupsetscared · 03/09/2023 15:23

@upinaballoon I'm 63 no it won't change in my lifetime but hopefully in our childrens.
The country and families can't sustain the care. Its harder and harder to find the staff, homes and beds.
I live in a town of 80k. There are only 3 homes and they hold only 220 people combined.
Mum is housed over 10 miles away from her home town. (20 miles from me)
In mums part of the home alone there are 15
Patients and 11 are like mum.

OP posts:
SnapPop · 03/09/2023 15:25

It's so hard and awful. Wishing you strength OP Flowers

wayyour · 03/09/2023 15:45

There was some sort of consultation last few months and a couple of threads around (one was deleted as the OP kept bumping it up - though I think possibly understandable). I sent a response.

I don't know what's happening with that now if anyone knows?

Blanketpolicy · 03/09/2023 15:57

Our uncle with dementia died two nights ago, his last years were spent in a care home and the last months, then days were ridiculously cruel and painfully long and slow. Bittersweet relief he is at peace now.

Wishing you strength OP x

Mummapenguin20 · 03/09/2023 16:00

Hugs op x

upinaballoon · 04/09/2023 16:54

Prue Leith belongs to the organisation which is pressing for a law change. There was a TV programme with her and her MP son. They have differing views.

A person with dementia won't be seen in law as being capable of making a rational decision, though.

You started this thread on June 10th, OP. Nearly 3 months. No, you weren't awful to hope it would be near the end, to answer one of the things you said then.

Soupsetscared · 04/09/2023 17:26

@upinaballoon yes I saw that documentary.

I forgot how long this thread has been going.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 04/09/2023 17:39

I'm so sorry that Mum still hasn't moved on OP.

I totally agree with your views. Our ddog was PTS a couple of months ago, he was very old and the dying process had started. The sedative put him asleep in a millisecond and the lethal injection took him in a heartbeat. No suffering, no loss of dignity. Done with all our love.

I cannot understand why we cannot choose this for ourselves and our loved ones, when death is the only possible outcome in any event.

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 04/09/2023 18:18

I don’t know what to say OP. I want you to know that i wish you strength and that I think that no one should have to to through this, not you, not your mum, not anyone.

Soupsetscared · 23/09/2023 09:15

This is hopefully now coming to the end.
Mum was put on end of life pathway on Thursday.
Yet Wednesday she was on top form I took photos in
and each one I showed her she knew who and what the
occasion was.
She went quickly downhill on Thursday morning, is now
mumbling to people who I can't see. I'm hoping it is today
but I'm wondering if she will hold on until my brother comes
back from Spain on Wednesday.
Mum weights 4 stone 5lb.
Yet it is so nice the staff are still washing her hair ( mum loved having her hair blow dried) and have painted her nails.
I came home for a rest and they have told me they won't leave her alone.

Awful I know but I have written down things to put in her eulogy.
Otherwise I might forget.

If its OK I will post that when she has gone. (then change my username)

OP posts:
AbbeyGailsParty · 23/09/2023 09:26

I’m sorry , you must be totally and utterly exhausted. The staff sound wonderful.
Your posts have made me realise one thing — I have a ( I think it’s called) Medical Directive, DNR, do not treat serious illness or injury, do not treat stroke etc… But I have an awful feeling it includes “ give food and liquids” so I could end up in your mum’s position which is what I’ve tried to avoid. Sorry, don’t mean to make it about me what I want to say is thank you, you’ve made me see I must get the document out and revise it.

Please plan something nice for you , maybe some winter sun, something that will help restore you. Sending you a hug.

Zebedee55 · 23/09/2023 09:42

My mother had Alzheimer's, and used to say dreadful things to me and everyone else. She didn't have a clue who we were.

It's the illness talking, and I hope she passes peacefully soon.

Afrerwards, just remember the happy times. 💐

Daz57 · 23/09/2023 09:54

Thank you for updating us. Thinking of you and sending you love, peace and acceptance xx