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Original poster

On holiday and found out he's cheated

1000 replies

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:08

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Beezknees · 31/05/2023 11:43

Irisheyesareshining · 31/05/2023 11:24

Just found my husband cheating as well . Been coming home from work late and using his job as an excuse . I found him using a second phone last night . What now ? I am going to lose the home I have worked so hard to have nice , my kids are going to be unsettled. It’s so easy to say to leave but reality much harder . He did it before and now he’s done it again, time to move on I think . He will be the loser in the long run, hope she’s worth it 😭

A nice home is just a material thing. It's not worth being disrespected and hurt by your partner who is supposed to love and care for you. Bit different but I left a controlling relationship and I live in a housing association flat but I am happy. Gilded cage and all that.

Irisheyesareshining · 31/05/2023 11:45

@Beezknees yes you’re totally right . Thank you ☺️ so many men cheating on their families now , it’s so sad 😭

tatteddear · 31/05/2023 11:45

Chin up op. One day at a time

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Relationship problems
Beaverbridge · 31/05/2023 12:30

Glad you've got plenty support when you, re home lovely.

Bookworm 20, excellent post.

Original poster
manipulatrice · 31/05/2023 14:15

Irisheyesareshining · 31/05/2023 11:24

Just found my husband cheating as well . Been coming home from work late and using his job as an excuse . I found him using a second phone last night . What now ? I am going to lose the home I have worked so hard to have nice , my kids are going to be unsettled. It’s so easy to say to leave but reality much harder . He did it before and now he’s done it again, time to move on I think . He will be the loser in the long run, hope she’s worth it 😭

I'm so sorry 😞

OP posts:
Irisheyesareshining · 31/05/2023 14:45

Thanks, he did it years ago and I foolishly thought he would change . My friends told me to break it off then , guess he hid his messaging to other women better until last night . Head in a mess today and so mentally torturing . I am sorry you have found this out on a holiday . Tables will turn , they will realise what they have lost 😞

mamabear715 · 31/05/2023 15:39

@Irisheyesareshining I'm so sorry.. been there myself, it's torture but DOES get better. Huge hugs to you & all ladies going through it.

Thinkingofmovingtosea · 31/05/2023 17:13

Thinking of you ladies - it gets easier.. Great post @Bookworm20 you summed it up.

Irisheyesareshining · 31/05/2023 17:18

It’s my second marriage as well , third time lucky hey 😂 got a good collection of rings now !! I think the mobile phone has made the cheater’s life so much easier now !!

Beaverbridge · 31/05/2023 22:24

100 per cent agree. Mobile phones seem to crop up in every one of affair threads. They were just coming in when my ex started his. He kidded on he couldn't get a signal at house so had to drive up top of road. It was one of those huge brick efforts. He's now moved on to his next victim/wife!.

catsoop · 02/06/2023 08:22

How are you getting on OP ? X

ZekeZeke · 02/06/2023 09:13

Checking in to see how you are doing

Original poster
manipulatrice · 02/06/2023 13:35

Thank you 🙂

We are all ok. Final few days now and home. We talk a lot. I can't help myself making digs. I look at him and feel hate and pain and all that emotional stuff. I just know it will be shit when we get home but for now we are just existing and it's manageable.

OP posts:
PosseGalore · 02/06/2023 13:45

sunshineandshowers4 · 31/05/2023 01:34

Wisdom, the best word of the thread. There will be no more posts from me. I've given it a go and realised although mumsnet is brilliant,it isn't for me. I wish you all the very best Op. If you do end up divorcing stay amicable for the sake of your children. Life throws us many curved balls but if we stay strong we will survive ❤️

Show quote history

This is good advice. He is what he is. You can’t change that but keep him in the loop when it comes to the kids.

Fraaahnces · 02/06/2023 14:06

You have to remind yourself that your feelings and reactions are a logical response to HIS actions. You are a human, not a saint. If you bottle that stuff up you will make yourself ill.

Thinkingofmovingtosea · 02/06/2023 15:46

With you OP - and if you need a neutral sounding board we are here - bear in mind that when you get back you will gets lots of views/ opinions/ from those close to you telling you in the nicest way what you should do... the people I told were the ones who did not tell/ judge/ slag off they just listened.. only you can come to a decision nobody else.. there is also a great book called "too good to leave to bad to stay" that is really helpful - chapter by chapter and do the exercises this also helped me a lot. One of the last posters mentioned health.. I can safely say that the whole thing really damaged my mental health.. and also my physical health.. this is not good as things build up .. if you feel hate.. that is a recipe for disaster over time and in my experience make you physically ill and if you feel down that is awful for you and neither is good for your kids.. I chose to stick it out ... but during that time I was on Antidepressants and saw a counsellor myself every week.. it was a long process. I decided to stay and give it a few years.. but you can forgive just not forget.. and I could not move past it.. at least I now that I tried ... at the end of the day he was a narcissist and it took me a while to realise that.. Keep posting - it will help xo

Rainbowsandfairies · 02/06/2023 16:42

Hi OP- hope you are OK? Thinking of you. Stay strong 💪 you're worth so much more than that man!! ❤

MayBeee · 02/06/2023 16:45

Does he realise you are bidding your time and making it civil because of being away and making a nice holiday for your dc , or is he thinking he's got away lightly and the garden is rosy ?

Original poster
manipulatrice · 02/06/2023 22:15

All of my friends and family individually tell me not to listen to the opinions of others and it's my decisions and they will listen and support, so I'm hoping this remains the case when I return.

He has said he just has this feeling of complete dread about what awaits him when we get back, so I don't think he thinks the garden is rosy, no.

I have no idea what will happen. I have to go back to work within 48 hours. I don't know what he will do. I can only leave him to it and do what I want to do and the kids and take each day as it comes.

I am bitter today. And angry and sad. I need to speak to someone myself and get some help from someone qualified to do so, and I'm lucky my job allows me that access so it will be relatively quick and I know my boss will make it happen pretty quickly.

OP posts:
Original poster
manipulatrice · 02/06/2023 22:18

I also have this whole teams chat that I know is there for me to read should k choose to do so. Half of me feels like I need it as I need some form of validation for some of my thoughts. The other half wonders what's the point as it won't change what he did, but to me, I feel like I need to read the tone and see how invested he was. I know this man, that will be obvious to me, and I've come to realise that it's the emotional deception that is hurting more than the physical.

OP posts:
Original poster
manipulatrice · 02/06/2023 22:20

Sorry, I'm reading back and thinking of more things.
I know he lies, but, I also know how he works. I feel like reading the words and the thoughts will give me what I need to make some choices. I need to know whether he was pouring his heart and soul into her or whether it was flirtatious and seedy. The former is worse for me, not that I will forgive the latter, I think I am resolved to it being over.
I don't know how to word it to explain myself.

OP posts:
randomuser2019 · 02/06/2023 23:05

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Xrays · 03/06/2023 00:00

You are never going to be able to trust him ever again. Ever. It does sound as though you’re considering staying with him. If you do you’ll live the rest of your life either having to turn a blind eye and accept that he cheats or be constantly checking and confronting him. Either way is no way to live.

Original poster
manipulatrice · 03/06/2023 00:01

Im not considering anything. Staying or leaving.

OP posts:
User678945 · 03/06/2023 00:03

Please believe me, the details will just rub salt into the wound. Wanting to decipher all the details is akin to the bargaining stage of grief, I understand it but it won't really help and might cause you more pain.

I think you should at least discuss sleeping arrangements for when you get home. Not a forever plan/final decision just where is he going to sleep at night while you are this hurt.

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