On holiday and found out he's cheated

[manipulatrice]

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

If it was purely sex and nothing else he wouldn't have messaged her apologising for being late for texting. That indicates there's an emotional affair going on aswell. If she was just a fuckbuddy the only contact between them would have been to arrange hooking up. Which wouldnt have been needed while he was on holiday with his family.The pair of them are lying thru their teeth

I don't doubt they are. I very much got the vibes from her that he was more into her than her into him. Which is sad for me to know.

Yes, even worse for you if definitely true 😢 There is also the possibility given she gets her 'kicks' out of married men wanting her, it feeds her ego believing she is so desirable men can't get enough of her.

I don’t really understand why this thread has descended into who is more to blame or who was ‘more’ into who. You will never know the ins and outs of the affair but a 6 month work affair is never ‘just sex’ on either side, there were clearly feelings too.

@manipulatrice I don’t think you can clarify your own feelings until you get space, no one could. But I think, eventually, the pendulum will swing back and you will end up divorcing.

Nope, it's more than I can even want to comprehend. I can't comprehend. Going home will be even more shit than it already is.

It will get better though

Well…

some people are born that way

some people have something happen to them

You did ask why right?

Bloody stupid question.

It will be a difficult road ahead but you will get through it and it will get better.

The OW is a totally bitch (amongst other things) telling you that. Maybe she gets a kick out of power.

Are you getting much RL support? X

I've explained already so for the less enlightened I'll explain again. I asked the question to find out if there are circumstances where if there are 'extreme' additional needs it would be helpful if he didn't get kicked out while on holiday and also why I said she needs the support in a foreign country while dealing with 2 children, one with additional needs. A perfectly legitimate question and observation in the circumstances.

Is there any way you can line up some IRL support before you go home? Friends, relatives you can tell what's happened now who can be there for you as soon as you're home?

Perhaps it would be a good 'start' to line up a solicitor's appointment before you get home. Not perhaps for the next day or the next week even. Just an appointment sometime next month. Where I Iive you can find firms who give you the ability to schedule an appointment via their website. If you change your mind or not ready you can always cancel.

Yes, it's going to be rough on you. But taking a few steps now may help you get or keep the motivation to move forward.

My friends and my family know. They have just been overwhelming amazing and I know there will be there when we get back.

Like, we're not kids, if you know what I mean. We all have varied life experiences and everyone has a different past and present so it's been really helpful to speak to them all together and then on their own.

I’m glad to read that OP x

Brilliant 👍

JFC @sunshineandshowers4 you've made 28 posts in this name and all of them on this thread - not especially supportive or helpful either.

Why not go and post somewhere else? Why are you so invested in this thread? And why can't you be more helpful and supportive of the OP?

It's super that you have support with your family and friends.
My wonderful sisters husband had an emotional affair last year. I'm the only one that knows (I have 4 sisters) and I really wish she had confided in the others. And the only reason I know is because he sent a message foe the OW to me! As our names are similar.
I immediately told my sister, I felt she needed to trust someone and know that I 100% had her back.
They are still together but she is falling apart at the seams. She has attempted suicide twice, is skin and bone and so unhappy. I wish she would separate but they love each other!

You do your way of supporting people I'll do mine. Your entitled to your opinion despite the fact its wrong. I'm sure Op would be the first to say if she felt I was being less than supportive so your opinion is irrelevant.

Of course the OW will say your hubby was more into it than she was.... That's to make you feel worse & also to give impression that it's not a relationship... That it's over etc... Well done for rounding up your support network step by step, day by day.... That's a song I think :)

With you all the way x

Courtesy of Whitney Houston

Well, there's a bridge
And there's a river
That I still must cross
As I'm going on my journey
Oh, I might be lost
And there's a road I have to follow
A place I have to go
Well, no one told me just how to get there
But when I get there I'll know
'Cause I'm taking it
Step by step
Bit by bit
Stone by stone (yeah)
Brick by brick (oh yeah)
Step by step
Day by day
Mile by mile (ooh, ooh, ooh)
And this old road is rough and ruined
So many dangers along the way
So many burdens might fall upon me
So many troubles that I have to face
Oh, but I won't let my spirit fail me
Oh, I won't let my spirit go
Until I get to my destination
I'm gonna take it slow
Because I'm making it mine
Step by step (you know I'm taking it)
Bit by bit (bit by bit, come move)
Stone by stone (yeah)
Brick by brick (brick by brick by brick by brick, mmm)
Step by step (step by step, I'm gonna)
Day by day (day by day)
Mile by mile (ooh), go your way, go your way

Honestly it wouldn't surprise me if this wasn't his first affair. He did it to his ex and he's done this very casually.

Wonderful! I'm so glad. Let them support you and listen to their wisdom. Together, they'll get you get through this.

Wisdom, the best word of the thread. There will be no more posts from me. I've given it a go and realised although mumsnet is brilliant,it isn't for me. I wish you all the very best Op. If you do end up divorcing stay amicable for the sake of your children. Life throws us many curved balls but if we stay strong we will survive ❤️

I think this constantly.

how you even look at his face? it must be so difficult.
i think you compartmentalise events very well and manage to have good days there inspite of the situation. well done.
you must be very strong.

Just found my husband cheating as well . Been coming home from work late and using his job as an excuse . I found him using a second phone last night . What now ? I am going to lose the home I have worked so hard to have nice , my kids are going to be unsettled. It’s so easy to say to leave but reality much harder . He did it before and now he’s done it again, time to move on I think . He will be the loser in the long run, hope she’s worth it 😭

@manipulatrice I just wanted to say that I think you are being incredibly strong. To go through this on holiday and right at the start of it, with the kids there I cannot even comprehend. But you are doing what you know is right for those children, even though you must be enduring absolute hell and for that you are an incredible woman and mother.

You are a million times better than your husband. In the face of all this you are still doing what you know is right, even though it is most likely the hardest thing you have ever had to do. And hopefully will ever do. You are putting everyone elses needs first, even at a time like this. A quality your 'D' H unfortunately does not appear to have.

Ignore the trolls, concentrate on getting through this in whatever way you need to. Fall apart in the shower, or when the dc are in bed as many times as you need to. Rant in public if you need to. Whatever gets you through at least this holiday. And I'm so glad to hear you have support when you get home from family and friends as thats when round 2 is going to begin and unfortunately might hit you even harder. Use that support wherever its offered.

Just remember if you can get through this, you can get through anything. This man tore out your heart and your world and you're still being the bigger person. Don't regret anything you say or do, it will be nothing compared to his actions. I imagine you may not feel strong right now, but by god you are.
Just keep going my lovely.