Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

On holiday and found out he's cheated

1000 replies

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:08

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
sunshineandshowers4 · 29/05/2023 19:59

Would it be too intrusive to ask why your young son has additional needs?

Crispymandm · 29/05/2023 21:14

In my opinion it’s the other woman who’s pathetic admitting your and children’s potential suffering gave her a kick. Gross 🤢. You’re stronger than you realise op , to carry on as you are. Take as much time as you need.

BIWI · 29/05/2023 21:21

sunshineandshowers4 · 29/05/2023 19:59

Would it be too intrusive to ask why your young son has additional needs?

Yes it would be. It has absolutely nothing to do with you, nor with the OP's situation. FFS.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
monsteramunch · 29/05/2023 21:23

sunshineandshowers4 · 29/05/2023 19:59

Would it be too intrusive to ask why your young son has additional needs?

I'm baffled as to why you feel entitled to even ask this. Good grief.

sunshineandshowers4 · 29/05/2023 21:23

Crispymandm · 29/05/2023 21:14

In my opinion it’s the other woman who’s pathetic admitting your and children’s potential suffering gave her a kick. Gross 🤢. You’re stronger than you realise op , to carry on as you are. Take as much time as you need.

I admit I had to bite my tongue reading this.There was no vulnerability in this case. It probably won't be long before she gets her kicks from contributing to destroy someone elses family. It looks like she also has her go to 'script' when found out.

Beaverbridge · 29/05/2023 21:24

Fwiw I think you, re doing exactly the right thing. As I've said before why should you be left with kids alone in a foreign country. Plenty time when you get back. As for other woman keep her reply to show him if he trys to defend her. Could be a story they, ve con cocte but for now play the game.

sunshineandshowers4 · 29/05/2023 21:47

monsteramunch · 29/05/2023 21:23

I'm baffled as to why you feel entitled to even ask this. Good grief.

Show quote history

The children will be suffering too. A child with additional needs can be difficult to cope with on your own in a foreign country if he left her there on her own. HTH.

JediIsMyMaster · 29/05/2023 21:48

sunshineandshowers4 · 29/05/2023 21:47

The children will be suffering too. A child with additional needs can be difficult to cope with on your own in a foreign country if he left her there on her own. HTH.

Show quote history

And I’m sure OP has a good understanding of her child’s needs. I’m not sure why Internet randoms need to know the details.

sunshineandshowers4 · 29/05/2023 21:49

sunshineandshowers4 · 29/05/2023 21:47

The children will be suffering too. A child with additional needs can be difficult to cope with on your own in a foreign country if he left her there on her own. HTH.

Show quote history

It was to see if anyone could offer extra advice if there are extreme challenges.

DunkingMyDonuts · 29/05/2023 22:11

His desperation to her was amusing

I would pay good money to see his face when you tell him this bit

monsteramunch · 29/05/2023 22:13

The children will be suffering too. A child with additional needs can be difficult to cope with on your own in a foreign country if he left her there on her own. HTH.

Everyone is well aware poor OP and the children will be suffering. Your question was completely inappropriate and I'm sure that as a capable mother of a child with additional needs, OP is able to look for and ask for advice specifically about that if and when she needs to. Your post read as intrusive and rude, not helpful. Something to be mindful of when posting on threads to people in already vulnerable situations.

sunshineandshowers4 · 29/05/2023 22:27

monsteramunch · 29/05/2023 22:13

The children will be suffering too. A child with additional needs can be difficult to cope with on your own in a foreign country if he left her there on her own. HTH.

Everyone is well aware poor OP and the children will be suffering. Your question was completely inappropriate and I'm sure that as a capable mother of a child with additional needs, OP is able to look for and ask for advice specifically about that if and when she needs to. Your post read as intrusive and rude, not helpful. Something to be mindful of when posting on threads to people in already vulnerable situations.

Personally I would have no problem with this especially as it was asked with good intentions. I understand not everyone would feel the same which is why I mentioned if it felt too intrusive.

MsDogLady · 29/05/2023 23:44

So OW is spinning the narrative that it was all a game to her and she was not emotionally invested in your H. This could be true, or it could be a manipulative tactic to throw you off the scent to facilitate their future involvement.

If it was indeed ‘just sex,’ why was she asking after the children?

Whatever her true agenda was, she helped him harm you and your boys. What nasty pieces of work they both are.

Niceseasidetown · 30/05/2023 00:21

Its a fair question...although questioner got a right kicking.

OP said she'd ask husband to leave but couldn't cope because of child's special needs.

This is a thread where wife turns a blind eye.

And I think the child's needs were an excuse to keep him where she could see him.

And it's her life. Her call.

But she said herself in early posts she could live her whole life without husbands support.

So it's not unreasonable to question this.

She is loving the vacation magic and her posts have taken quite a trend....her life. Her call. But no need to abuse someone questioning the genuineness of the reason she is drinking koolaid. Because it was always an excuse.

Thinkingofmovingtosea · 30/05/2023 00:38

I find what the OW said interesting... It doesn't quite add up if he apologised to her for texting late etc and also if he brought her a gift previously.. I would tread carefully & just keep an open mind.... They may have decided on an exit strategy.. Why was he desperate in the first place...??
I would be slow to trust what she says... We are with you & you are right easier to take time for yourself while he's there.. However could he be contacting her when out of the appt? Can you tell?

AcrossthePond55 · 30/05/2023 00:46

manipulatrice · 29/05/2023 19:51

She went on to apologise and knows I will never accept it. Actually I will be fair, she said that first.

She said she will never contact him again and says she knows what she has done and regrets it.

Not that any of that matters to me.

I wouldn't believe anything either of them said.

Chances are that by now they've been able to concoct their joint alibi. And even if not, of course she fed you some tripe that she hoped would make you 'go away'.

How many more days til 'home'?

Original poster
manipulatrice · 30/05/2023 03:30

We have another week yet.

And no, I don't believe anything anymore tbh, it's all just noise.

We are just existing. It's all I can do.

I have no intention of turning a blind eye, and to think I'm using a child as an excuse is just as pathetic as the trolling that is attempting to be done.

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 30/05/2023 05:18

I really feel for you @manipulatrice. I was living with my DH on the other side of the planet to where we are from and where our support people are. He didn’t cheat, but things between us were so bad that I wanted to leave and was legally unable to. I had never been more vulnerable in my life. You are doing so well keeping your head above water for your kids, and I am sorry that this dream holiday will be forever marred by this discovery. The place you are staying will now always be associated with this bitterness. It’s not fair. (I’m pleased for you that you found out, but would rather it have been at home or before coming - Obvs.) I wouldn’t have been able to stick it out this long. I’m impressed.

MsDogLady · 30/05/2023 05:25

Mani, ignore the goading.

You’ve been stabbed in the heart and traumatized, far away from home. Although H is the perpetrator, he is needed there to co-parent and share the load.

I admire your grit in pushing forward in the face of this devastation. I have no doubt that, once home, H will be facing the music and suffering the consequences of his great betrayal and disloyalty.

ZekeZeke · 30/05/2023 06:23

MsDogLady · 30/05/2023 05:25

Mani, ignore the goading.

You’ve been stabbed in the heart and traumatized, far away from home. Although H is the perpetrator, he is needed there to co-parent and share the load.

I admire your grit in pushing forward in the face of this devastation. I have no doubt that, once home, H will be facing the music and suffering the consequences of his great betrayal and disloyalty.

Very well said.

None of us are going through this turmoil.
You do whatever you need to do in order to get through the next week.
Plenty of time to decide what your next steps will be when you get home.

Beaverbridge · 30/05/2023 07:08

Ignore the trolls Mani. They, re not going through what you are.
Noone needs "sent home" like a naughty child. Just keep on what your doing esp for kids. Plenty time when you, re home to make decisions.

UndermyShoeJoe · 30/05/2023 08:22

The talking makes sense even if she was just wanting sex. It keeps the guy strung along and would make her feel more than just a booty call basically. She feels great because she is desired by a married man. All very sad really and shows a lack of self worth in herself that she thinks that’s the best she can get. The scraps/sloppy seconds/being the secret however you wish to term it.

Doesn’t change anything from his side though, he wanted to talk to her and even felt bad for being late texting. He was at least invested enough that he didn’t want her to think he wasn’t worth the scraps of being the ow. His a confirmed multiple cheater on both his wives that’s him. He won’t change. His the type of man who thinks he deserves sex from as many women as he can get it from.

Good luck with the rest of the holiday.

TheoTheopolis23 · 30/05/2023 12:58

You're not weak or pathetic op, he is.

mamabear715 · 30/05/2023 14:34

Just come across this thread, I am SO sorry, @manipulatrice - big hugs.

Iamdobby63 · 30/05/2023 14:53

Ignore any trolls, just focus on the support.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.