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Original poster

On holiday and found out he's cheated

1000 replies

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:08

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
IncompleteSenten · 28/05/2023 18:30

sunshineandshowers4 · 27/05/2023 15:46

I can't understand why there is practically nothing here condemning the OW. If those home wrecking scumbags of women didn't entice & proceed to shag married men perhaps more families could be saved. This obviously doesn't include women who GENUINELY didn't know but those are few & far between

I agree. Bloody women.
I mean, we know married men are incapable of controlling themselves and are not responsible for their choices when faced with a woman who wants to shag them, the poor lambs.
Burn the witches I say. Burn them. Married men's decisions to fuck around are all the women's fault, the wanton hussies.

sunshineandshowers4 · 28/05/2023 19:20

Times have changed. My friends son who is an attractive successful young man in his early 20s said its very difficult to find a woman who wants a steady relationship. I think its something like we're not exclusive,an agreement on both sides. Im not an ancient prude but omg this to my mind is sick. I'm sorry to those who live by those rules. Before I married if my DH while dating me said to me we're dating but not exclusive I'd have run a mile. Its no wonder men & women today who think the grass might be greener elsewhere are mixed up after marriage 🤦‍♀️

Iamdobby63 · 28/05/2023 19:32

sunshineandshowers4 · 27/05/2023 15:46

I can't understand why there is practically nothing here condemning the OW. If those home wrecking scumbags of women didn't entice & proceed to shag married men perhaps more families could be saved. This obviously doesn't include women who GENUINELY didn't know but those are few & far between

How would that help the OP? She isn’t married to the OW, we can all call her all the names under the sun and all that would do would be to take the onus of responsibility away from the person the OP is actually committed to. It doesn’t help, it muddies the water.

On another note I would personally call both of the some prize names and I certainly think the OP can call the OW whatever she wants.

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Relationship problems
jenny38 · 28/05/2023 21:12

this thread was created by the OP for support, so bringing it back to its original state. How has your day been op? Hope you have managed to get some sleep.

ZekeZeke · 28/05/2023 21:34

I've been thinking about you OP and hope you and your children are doing OK.

Crispymandm · 28/05/2023 21:34

How you holding up op?

Original poster
manipulatrice · 29/05/2023 00:10

We've had a really lovely day, thank you. I'm a full of cold but we will battle on ❤️

OP posts:
TheoTheopolis23 · 29/05/2023 01:45

If those home wrecking scumbags of women didn't entice & proceed to shag married men perhaps more families could be saved. This obviously doesn't include women who GENUINELY didn't know but those are few & far between.

Nobody walks in a closed door; somebody in a marriage & family has to open it, and that somebody is the cheating partner.

Entice lol.
Are we in the middles ages?

Stop infantilising and removing responsibility and agency from cheating men. It very much takes two to tango.

TheoTheopolis23 · 29/05/2023 01:50

Oh and in my experience and observation, most cheating attached men are predators and most ow vulnerable in some way.

The cheating men have a script for the women they make their ow, avd a script for their wife/partner if they get caught.

The only person not being lied to in an affair is the affair-haver.

Maybe the ow are stupid for falling for the script but that takes you back to the point above; they are often vulnerable in some way. A cheating man is like a shark dunting & testing potential victims til he finds one who is soft ie who falls for the script.

Oh and I am not and have not been in ow - before the usual vitriolic accusations of being an ow - to anyone who dares to have empathy for them or to observe the fact that most cheating men need no enticement or encouragement, they are usually the instigators.

sunshineandshowers4 · 29/05/2023 06:37

manipulatrice · 29/05/2023 00:10

We've had a really lovely day, thank you. I'm a full of cold but we will battle on ❤️

Busy work day ahead, just checked in to see if you had responded. This is great news OP, you deserve to have lovely days. Enjoy the rest of your holiday 🌞

sunshineandshowers4 · 29/05/2023 06:53

TheoTheopolis23 · 29/05/2023 01:50

Oh and in my experience and observation, most cheating attached men are predators and most ow vulnerable in some way.

The cheating men have a script for the women they make their ow, avd a script for their wife/partner if they get caught.

The only person not being lied to in an affair is the affair-haver.

Maybe the ow are stupid for falling for the script but that takes you back to the point above; they are often vulnerable in some way. A cheating man is like a shark dunting & testing potential victims til he finds one who is soft ie who falls for the script.

Oh and I am not and have not been in ow - before the usual vitriolic accusations of being an ow - to anyone who dares to have empathy for them or to observe the fact that most cheating men need no enticement or encouragement, they are usually the instigators.

I'm sure the 'script' a lot of cheating men use helps the OW to justify her decision to go ahead with an affair and feel no guilt if she has been told the 'marriage is over' My thoughts turn to the children involved. Where is the justification to hurt them if the affair is found out & subsequently the married woman ends the marriage. I hear people screaming its the man who risks hurting his children if he has an affair. This is undeniable but this post is in response to the quote here. I think everyone who has invested time here in helping & supporting the OP should be happy she has posted she's had a lovely day.

Niceseasidetown · 29/05/2023 08:41

It does seem the husband has done the most on this holiday to get a reprieve.

I'd have have him leave the holiday. Op is vulnerable, isolated and not in possession of facts he has had for months. Time alone or speaking with people who care is really important in getting perspective and feeling validated.

Maybe if they'd been at home OP wouldn't have asked him to leave either.

But it's clear he's doing a good job of getting this compartmentalised.

The one thing that can make cheaters change is consequences. I'm not sure he's had to face any.

adriftabroad · 29/05/2023 15:12

hysterical bonding going on. IMO.

Inertia · 29/05/2023 15:48

If they’ve been sending lewd messages to one another over Teams on his work laptop, he’s been a bloody idiot- surely those messages can be accessed by management with the relevant authorisation?

Marchintospring · 29/05/2023 15:54

I’m glad you have had a lovely day Op. Hysterical bonding or not it’s a long road ahead. Enjoy the holiday any way you can.

Niceseasidetown · 29/05/2023 16:49

Marchintospring · 29/05/2023 15:54

I’m glad you have had a lovely day Op. Hysterical bonding or not it’s a long road ahead. Enjoy the holiday any way you can.

I think this is awful dvice sorry. Kl the oxytocin nd serotonin combined with the cortisol and the front cortex stops working.

I'm not in the "he looked at porn once ltb" camp or the "everything can be worked through" school.

This is 6 month betrayal and enjoying the holiday is neither here nor there.

sunshineandshowers4 · 29/05/2023 17:31

Niceseasidetown · 29/05/2023 16:49

I think this is awful dvice sorry. Kl the oxytocin nd serotonin combined with the cortisol and the front cortex stops working.

I'm not in the "he looked at porn once ltb" camp or the "everything can be worked through" school.

This is 6 month betrayal and enjoying the holiday is neither here nor there.

Show quote history

Surely we must accept in situations like this the ultimate decision remains with the OP. Whether people agree or not is also neither here nor there. Couples throughout the ages have had affairs, survived affairs and lost to affairs. No 2 couples are the same. In this particular instance, if they do work it out and try again, I can only wish them well.

Thinkingofmovingtosea · 29/05/2023 18:13

Great to hear you have had a good day OP - thinking of you lots - you are doing great given the circumstances.

Original poster
manipulatrice · 29/05/2023 18:39

Inertia · 29/05/2023 15:48

If they’ve been sending lewd messages to one another over Teams on his work laptop, he’s been a bloody idiot- surely those messages can be accessed by management with the relevant authorisation?

I've made sure they are aware. I suppose it depends on how much they care.

OP posts:
Original poster
manipulatrice · 29/05/2023 18:42

Had we of been at home, he would be gone.
I'm too scared to do it on my own out here despite knowing I could, I feel so weak and pathetic and that's a hard pill to swallow. Knowing he's here means I know I can crumble a little bit I guess. I for whatever reason don't feel strong enough to cope alone.

OP posts:
Twazique · 29/05/2023 18:56

I think I would do the same as you OP, I would wait until you get home.

doitwithlove · 29/05/2023 18:57

Totally understandable @manipulatrice.

Carry on enjoying your time away.

SmartHome · 29/05/2023 19:02

Don't apologise @manipulatrice it's totally understandable. You don't have to rush. In some ways I think it's quite good that he there and seeing the pain he has caused. I hope he's squirming and that you are doing ok xxx

Original poster
manipulatrice · 29/05/2023 19:50

I've text her. I'm on my own, everyone is off doing their own thing.
She has told me it was just sex, she has no feelings for him and that she got a kick out of knowing she was the other woman.
His desperation to her was amusing.

OP posts:
Original poster
manipulatrice · 29/05/2023 19:51

She went on to apologise and knows I will never accept it. Actually I will be fair, she said that first.

She said she will never contact him again and says she knows what she has done and regrets it.

Not that any of that matters to me.

OP posts:
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