On holiday and found out he's cheated

[manipulatrice]

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

I'm sticking it out. We've had a pool day, I've booked some tickets to do something tomorrow and we are just surviving.

He is existing in our space and it's manageable.

To add, I'm doing what I think I need to do for my children. I don't know if it's the right decision I can only do what I think is the best of a really shit situation.

At least the 15 year old doesn't want to beat him up now I suppose!

There's a lot of shit stuff in the world of business, including exploiting vulnerable men. You have a child with special needs so he's an easy target looking for comfort. The fact he's cheated before is definitely relevant but I'd still be looking at the bigger picture. Is he a bastard? out here we will never know.

You, re doing the right thing. You can keep an eye on him. Why should you should be left taking all responsibility for the kids. Plenty time to think your next step.

I doubt that's changed tbh!

Yes, the poor man is helpless. His penis just fell into her by accident 🙄

Oh get out of it. JFC.

And you have to wonder what these OW are using for brains. Once an adulterer, always an adulterer with these men. Not remotely good mate material. That they succumb to these “wiles” 🙄 is all the proof needed.

I’m not sure about the honey trap thing. Does it really matter? Regardless of the other persons motives, the cheating partner still chose to deceive their partner/family and engage in an affair. They weren’t forced. If this transpired, I wouldn’t think the cheating partner deserved any sympathy or leniency for being fooled. They are still a cheater.

When I was (much) younger, one of my old flatmates had form for “dating” older, married men. She had weird expectations of her friends and family and boundary issues in general, but it became aparrent that her modus opperandi was to have a one-sided competition pitted against the wife/girlfriend, etc. She herself had married very young and divorced quickly afterwards. She had left her own husband for someone else’s. If any of our other female flatmates had a boyfriend, she was all over them like a rash. She’s pushing 60 now, still single and still trying it on with the husbands of others and wonders why she hasn’t any really close female friends. She is one of the most screwed up, unhappiest women I have ever met.

No problem.

I once slept with someone who didn’t tell me they had a partner. I found out When I gushed to mutual friends that I really liked him. They were shocked and reprimanded me saying he had a partner. I backtracked and pretended nothing had happened, but I was devastated because I thought the relationship might go somewhere and was falling in love with him. And I had very strong views about not betraying other women by sleeping with their dh’s. I happened to meet his partner through work and it was obvious that she knew something had happened. She didn’t trust me. If not for him we would have been friends. She was really cool. Why did he cheat on such an incredible woman and why did he drag me into it? Cunt.

And by the same token, you have to wonder why so many women take them back or had children with/married them in the first place then.

The same wiles their spouse succumbed to? Realistically no one knows if the other woman knew or not, if they worked on a project together (but not extensively) chances are no colleagues said anything to her, and him saying about having children doesn't mean much- it's actually a good excuse to not always be available and have to make calls/send texts when together etc. Also don't believe it was some sort of trap, plenty of women in their 20s are (for some odd reason) attracted to older men. She might have known of course, but the person who definitely absolutely with certainly knew was the husband.

@Spacestace I think there may be crossed wires here. I’m referring to the reference to the general “mate hunting” idea and saying that women supposedly thinking a married man who is prepared to have an affair with them is good husband material are kidding themselves, because if he cheats on his current (or past!) wife, he’ll cheat on them. I put “wiles” in quotes because I don’t go along with the idea of men falling for “women’s wiles” at all.

I would disown a friend for sleeping with a married man, especially if he had children.

This, and I have done.

We told our friend to stop, she repeated all his lines and excuses about his wife being cold and them not sleeping together.

Then the wife somehow miraculously got pregnant. We told friend she must stop now there was to be a kid involved. She didn't.

THEN THEY CALLED THE BABY FRIEND'S NAME. She still didn't stop.

I lost all respect for her, and I can't be friends with someone I have no respect for. This was years back but it could still be going on as far as I know, we don't speak any more.

Of course the married Man is always the worst offender, it goes without saying, but Women who knowingly get involved with married Men are (and this is not a word I like or use in any other context) shameless whores.

The word "whore" should never be used, it's a vile and misogynistic term and by using it you are setting women back years. I agree that women who go after married men have no morals, however I would never feed into the patriarchy by using that word.

The OW is irrelevant anyway. This is about OP and her husband.

You are doing an amazing job hanging in there... Well done xxx I think your ability to keep going for the kids is really admirable... Keep sharing & writing how you feel we are with you xoo

Sickening that some women are capable of this.

Still thinking about you, OP, and how you're getting on. I know it must feel like you don't have much of a choice just now, but you are amazing strong 💛

"The word whore should never be used,just think of it as OW having no morals"

EH! You've tried to break up my family and devastated me and my children. I'd like to take you aside and explain to you that I think you have no morals🤦‍♀️🙄

I prefer you are a dirty, scheming heartless slag with no conscience.

Whore is actually too good a word. Perhaps OPs husband should pay her for her services.

You can't break up a family that is solid. Just say you're misogynistic.

Is OP's husband also a whore then? Or do you reserve that word only for women?

Blaming the woman doesn't mean you don't also blame the man. Yes, you're not married to the woman but decent people with decent moral compasses don't shag married people.