On holiday and found out he's cheated

[manipulatrice]

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

Actually I can understand why people are asking if he's safe.

Remember, they have no contextual information like this thread.

What they have seen is all his profile pictures change to something nasty. They're probably worried he's been hacked and is being extorted / blackmailed.

Or - even worse - that he put ds to bed and ow came to the house.

Well, I guess he'll have to muddle through on his own and use what he learns to ensure he doesn't fuck up his third marriage,.

Actually that’s not worse when you think about it. At least the 8 year old wouldn’t have been home alone

No, YOU changed because you wanted to. This idiot has proved that he doesn't want to - his previous marriage ended due to his cheating.

however there must be something wrong with the relationship for him to cheat. Not something wrong with you but something that isn't right for him.

Yeah it was too monogamous for him.

@itwasntmetho Yep- I nearly responded the same- people are very naive if they think something 'has to be wrong' - I do think women tend to be more prone to affairs when they are not happy in the primary relationship, but that's just going from my experience and women I know- i may be wrong
I think men are often more guilty simply of cake eating - even when not unhappy one bit

Don't worry op, apparently the bastard of a serial cheat is nothing more than an utter plonker and once you get back to blighty, it can all be sorted out with a ' counsillor ' then you can all live happily ever after.
Apparently!
The fact that he's cheated more than once with two wives, one of which was doing her best to help with the household finances by working nightshifts is neither here nor there.
Nor is the fact that he lied to and deceived both you and the kids.
Or that by shagging another woman, he was putting your sexual health at risk. After all, dipping it in her is potentially dipping it in all the others she's shagged.
Because it can all be resolved with a cuppa and a ' counsillor '.

Which suggests his friends have been told that you and he are on a break

It's awful, the idiots rallying around him now irl and the idiots on here thinking there's something quite complex he needs to deal with while the OP cries to herself and waits for him to work on it.
Women are more likely to have exit affairs in a shit relationship than go looking for the ego strokes of many admirers for validation I have read that before.

This prick is following the script though, he's saying what he needs to say to create the conditions to justify his behaviour.

Hi there I've been where you are. Can you fly somebody out your mum a friend a sister and send him home? All the emotions you're describing are totally understandable... I did some weird stuff as I was sooooo angry. He also said it was because of me that it happened. A good thing to consider is what would you tell your kids as adults to do if this happened to them... Try to keep your cool & if uve a kindle download Andrew Marshall book on affairs - he describes the stages you go through... It helped me a lot. If you can get somebody out to help then go to the spa if you can.... If you can't then maybe get back home get sby to stay with the kids & take yourself off either alone or with sby who will listen or talk to a counsellor yourself ASAP.... I'm happy to dm if it helps.. Sending huge hugs you will get through this. You described it perfectly you are so upset you would normally cry to him but you can't & that's really lonely so you need to cry to us here online or to a person who won't judge... Thinking of u. Ps I hid all the passports in case he did a runner. Check booking. Com etc if he's been away nights... His phone bills etc so you have evidence if you decide to use it. So sorry this is happening x

You should be able to get whatsapp messages back as others said especially if you have his phone. Try to do it. In my case his family backed him - it was unbelievable. You will never get all the detail dates & it drives you mad not knowing... Just gather evidence as much as you can. Check your own phone make sure he's not tracking yours by using WhatsApp web... And check if he's using it... Or messenger etc... If he's been having online sessions with her then check Skype zoom etc see if there are records... I do find it odd that friends aren't texting... At the first opp just try & get some space away from him... Also you'll find you also want to sleep with him.. Its like a weird reaction I had.... A true mind f**K. Keep the faith with you all the way. You need to talk to somebody who will listen not judge... & has your back. That's important. Huge virtual hugs.

https://andrewgmarshall.com/book/how-can-i-ever-trust-you-again/

https://andrewgmarshall.com/book/i-cant-get-over-my-partners-affair-50-questions-about-recovering-from-extreme-betrayal-and-the-long-term-impact-of-infidelity/

Check your kids devices.. In case he's bn using them
Has he bn using phone in appt or in hotel
Is there pcs in the hotel Internet cafe
Check his emails work & personal
Check call logs/ facetime logs
Try to find hotel bookings in his name
If was logged into your home WiFi & called her from home it might be on your home back up or server if u have 1
If he is deleting he is hiding

You are so switched on look at actions not words... Soooo right

Look at Andrew Marshall website ask Andrew there are some scenarios on there that will help you.

Take an antihistamine if u can't sleep to help they also calm you..

With you x things get a bit easier

Credit cards debit cards statements cards u don't know about. Ring a pi at home & get them to start checking everything.... Under his name mobile email accts etc....

You may not use all of this but it will help. Check Google location history on his phone u can see where he was on what days dates... I became a spy when this happened to me & a friend helped.

We went out for the day. He came.

I found out some more drip feeds of useless information that I probably didn't need to know and made me angry. But. I know now so.

He wants me to help fix him. To help him. I've told him that's not my job and he needs to get himself help and fix himself.

We've had a long chat about work (his) which is the root of this imo. Not necessarily his. Shock.

I'm just a bit numb now. I've had 2 hours sleep. It's all catching up on me. Kids have been brilliant. We made the best of a shit day, little one seems happy and content and I am being cautious not to burden the eldest as that not for them to worry about either.

He's desperate to do anything. I don't want to live my life with him locked down like a prisoner how fucking miserable would that be.

I tried to attach a link to a funny comedy sketch that might illustrate to him what a total cliche he is. (No idea where that went!)
I hope that you realize the intention behind sharing this is not to add further hurt. I am utterly incensed on OP’s behalf and think her husband has been an utter, utter arse.Australian tragedy

I just can't buy the whole poor broken him, he needs help to be fixed and it's your job to do it, it's his work, it was external stress, such a mistake approach. He made a choice how to handle things. He's entirely responsible.

Yeah… OP’s not a shrink or a psychologist (and if she were, it would be unethical to take him as a client anyway…) Maybe she should take him to the vet to be fixed.

He wants me to help fix him.

Book him in at a vet!

Yes, they should get counselling so that the OP realizes that her AHSH had a mental health problem, but now it's magically better because he talked to a therapist, so the OP just has to take him back because?

You are assuming the OP wants to save the marriage and isn't just disgusted by her AHSH behaviors. OR, you are diminishing the OP because the man always has a reason for his being an azzhat, and it's up to the OP to just forgive and move on. GMAFB!🙄

Speaking of rational minds...

I learned in grammar school that the possessive of "you are" is "you're". Not "your" or "yore".

I hope you counsel better than you write, but not holding my breath. One doesn't need to be irrational to believe that what the OP's AHSH did is horrid and she has no obligation to think about "his mental health".

Not sure what agenda you're trying to push but right now, the door the OP is at is a "pull only".

THIS! ⬆ALL of THIS ⬆