On holiday and found out he's cheated

[manipulatrice]

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

Who is stopping him?

Out of interest

what mental health condition has one of its main symptoms as “serial cheater?”

& the man is willing to seek professional help,

presumably if op suggests, finds a therapist and books his first appointment

Maybe they entered some kind of time warp?

My absolute last post on the topic

Oh no. And you were giving such insights, as well. Some other poster reckoned you're a man and if there was any doubt that pronouncement sealed it.

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain (the best nom de plume ever, btw!)
You jumped in ahead of me with that same assumption.

Get him to write a timeline Op

because atm - what you have said he has said… makes bugger all sense

first he admits to “they were sleeping together” but turns out only “once” in April.

then they met for sex in April “and it went from there”. But it didn’t! They supposedly haven’t seen each other since
very odd

This makes it worse in my opinion. People cheat for reasons 1) they fall for someone else 2) they are just an intrinsic cheater

If he didn't love her then he didn't do it because he couldn't help his feelings, he didn't it because he wanted to shag anyone outside of your marriage and she was up for it.

Your marriage isn't coming back from this unless you are willing to just overlook that he will continue to behave this way again and again. You find that is often the case with women unfortunately and you see it here quite often, they are delusional and think their DH will never do it again and it was a one off because he was stressed/tired/hungry.

Id be showing him the door.

I can't quote the poster who said his awful behaviour could be down to poor mental health. He's cheated on his wife and is trying to lie his way out of it! I've suffered with depression since I was a teenager and never have I cheated on my husband. Unfortunately, some men think with their dic.s

I thank yew.

Posted too soon. The OP will be in bits. Unfortunately, I'v e been there . Went to 2 lots of counselling but leopards don't change their spots.
OP - Sending you virtual hugs X

The same mental health conditiins that lead to alcahol addiction, drug addiction, gambling addiction. There is help out there if people admit they have a problem. Thats all I'm suggesting, one step at a time before throwing in the towel. If the man is unwilling to seek help to save his family, thats a different story.

Are you going to give him his phone back OP?

Yeah, right. 'I'm mentally ill, one of the symptoms is I stick my dick in women who aren't my wife.' Definitely a bloke speaking.

Sorry to hear this. The main thing is you both tried ♥️

Like that? All I can remotely think for an affair would be depression and if that was the reason - for you to lump cheating in with bona fide horrific addictions such as alcoholism and drug addiction is quite frankly offensive

Stick to your word @Janeyxx

Ot is for the best

Why should she? The effort is always on the woman cheated on when they try to save it. The emotional toll that eats you up after the huge shock that's pushed you down and robbed you of self esteem.

Why the fuck should she? The OP has self respect, it's not throwing in the towel it's walking away with her head held high.

I agree with @yepgoingforarun - this all sounds quite muddled, time line wise. You say one thing and then contradict it so you're probably in shock

No, just lots of experience in councilling. I've witnessed it working, Ive witnessed it failing. The important thing is not making rash decisions until every stone has been turned.

I thought you were pushing off?

Yes, I’m confused about what the op said he’s done.

she needs to find out rather than be distracted with social media and his friends. And mumsnet!

I'm quite surprised @Janeyxx that with all your experience in counselling you can't spell it.

You don't come across as a counsellor. You come across as someone trying to push a personal agenda.

experience of being a councillor op is hardly relevant to the op 😂

I suspect you know actually will leave the thread. With your tail between your legs!

counselling - correct spelling

Seems odd you do a lot of it but spell it wrong.