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Original poster

On holiday and found out he's cheated

1000 replies

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:08

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
FelisCatus0 · 25/05/2023 16:04

Wait, if he only met her 2 months ago (March), how could he have been having an affair for 6 months?

Fraaahnces · 25/05/2023 16:04

Fuck him and his “depression”. He’s depressed now because he’s been caught. Now everyone else will know that he’s fucked up another marriage in the same way he fucked up his first one. He’s embarrassed because he can’t hide it anymore. He’s humiliated because people will now think of him as “The Bad Guy” (because he is) and he doesn’t want to carry that image of himself.

Beware because his next step when depression doesn’t work to get you over to his side is for him to get angry. I would email solicitors and send any relevant info that you have now while he’s feeling guilty so you can protect your kids.

Good on you for letting the world know he’s done this. I’m so proud of you for not allowing yourself to wonder what you did to make him do this. Why did he cheat on you? The same reason Sir Edmund Hilary climbed Everest. “Because it was there.” Don’t bother allowing him to try and justify it. He totally took advantage of your work schedule and the piece of arse he worked with. I would be more worried about the consequences of HR finding out, tbh. Is he in a position of seniority to her? (Apart from his age…) He could lose his job.

BadNomad · 25/05/2023 16:06

You really need to stop checking on what his friends and family think about this. They are going to be loyal to him. It doesn't mean they approve of what he has done, but they aren't going to cut him off for it because it doesn't affect them. This is between you and him. This is your relationship.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Iamdobby63 · 25/05/2023 16:06

What’s with all the ‘he needs to keep safe’? What has he told them about you? Unless they mean safe as in mental health?

Are you getting some support as well? You are the one who’s been betrayed after all?

Janeyxx · 25/05/2023 16:10

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 15:43

The first time he met her was March and they had dinner and just kissed.
He then met with her mid April and slept with her after dinner.
He hasn't seen her since.

We live a good couple hundred miles away so I know he hasn't because it would've been impossible.

He claims (as predicted) he is depressed. And unhappy. Not with me, but in himself. And he did it for the attention and to feel good about himself.

He claims to have no feelings for her.

Which is exactly why I've been suggesting councilling. It's a fact that our mental health can impact greatly on relationships. There are men (and women) who are basically sociopaths and gain a sense of power over their partners through cheating and they enjoy the thrill. This is not the vibe I'm getting here. There again op you sound like an intelligent woman and I'm sure you will know exactly into which category your husband falls. Perhaps the first step is getting him to admit he needs help then take it from there. If he doesn't agree, that's another story ♥️

Right now my covid symptoms are getting me down but I hope I'm adding a little something to your thoughts on this despite the differences of opinion from other posters, which I also understand 👍

yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 16:10

I then pretended I had known for a while and had seen everything and he said the first time he just kissed her and the second time they slept together and it went from there. It's all through work.

when you say “it went from there”, how do? They slept together once, in April and that was the last time they saw each other.

Iamdobby63 · 25/05/2023 16:10

@Fraaahnces

You missed a step
Depression
threats of suicide
then anger

CustardySergeant · 25/05/2023 16:11

FelisCatus0 · 25/05/2023 16:04

Wait, if he only met her 2 months ago (March), how could he have been having an affair for 6 months?

That is an excellent question.

yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 16:11

Iamdobby63 · 25/05/2023 16:10

@Fraaahnces

You missed a step
Depression
threats of suicide
then anger

Blame

that too will be a phase

EggInANest · 25/05/2023 16:12

People aren’t messaging him because they know you have access to his phone.
Because that’s how almost every affair is discovered (esp when you are away on holiday) and because if the Fb change. If he had access to his phone / accounts he would have taken it down and changed the password.

So they know any message will go straight to you .

OP: how important is your DH to your youngest’s enjoyment of the holiday? Surely Daddy can have to go home for Something Important for work?

FelisCatus0 · 25/05/2023 16:13

Janeyxx · 25/05/2023 16:10

Which is exactly why I've been suggesting councilling. It's a fact that our mental health can impact greatly on relationships. There are men (and women) who are basically sociopaths and gain a sense of power over their partners through cheating and they enjoy the thrill. This is not the vibe I'm getting here. There again op you sound like an intelligent woman and I'm sure you will know exactly into which category your husband falls. Perhaps the first step is getting him to admit he needs help then take it from there. If he doesn't agree, that's another story ♥️

Right now my covid symptoms are getting me down but I hope I'm adding a little something to your thoughts on this despite the differences of opinion from other posters, which I also understand 👍

Show quote history

He was fine and happy, all of a sudden he was caught cheating and NOW he is 'depressed'. Bullshit! He is a serial cheater.

yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 16:13

CustardySergeant · 25/05/2023 16:11

That is an excellent question.

Show quote history

I presume it was FaceTiming etc for a few months

then they met in March

then they met In April and slept together

then no more

I am confused why you say he admitted to fa r “they were sleeping together” and “it went from there” because according to him… he only met slept with her once and they haven’t seen each other since. Back in April.

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 16:13

@CustardySergeant I wondered that too. I think he is trying to claim it was purely textual up until March.

He won't admit to me about her being there the other times he's been away but I'm drawing my own conclusions

OP posts:
Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 16:14

I can only conclude he is lying as he can't get his story straight

OP posts:
yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 16:14

EggInANest · 25/05/2023 16:12

People aren’t messaging him because they know you have access to his phone.
Because that’s how almost every affair is discovered (esp when you are away on holiday) and because if the Fb change. If he had access to his phone / accounts he would have taken it down and changed the password.

So they know any message will go straight to you .

OP: how important is your DH to your youngest’s enjoyment of the holiday? Surely Daddy can have to go home for Something Important for work?

That’s a damn good point

Fraaahnces · 25/05/2023 16:15

You’re right about the steps I missed. He’s clutching at straws by claiming depression. That’s the “justification” part. Wanker.

FelisCatus0 · 25/05/2023 16:16

Iamdobby63 · 25/05/2023 16:10

@Fraaahnces

You missed a step
Depression
threats of suicide
then anger

Yes, saying they are 'depressed' is part of The Script. They are not, it is all absolute bullshit as ploy to make you feel sorry for them and take them back. Do not fall for it!!!

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 16:18

Yes, I think you're right. They know. They've put 2 and 2 together

OP posts:
TellKingTutIWantMyMummy · 25/05/2023 16:21

Once a cheat, always a cheat. He will do it again.

UndermyShoeJoe · 25/05/2023 16:21

Change his profile picture back 😉 then see if they start. They might think he has his phone back.

Iamdobby63 · 25/05/2023 16:21

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 16:14

I can only conclude he is lying as he can't get his story straight

That appears to be a fair conclusion, unfortunately.

There will come a point when you will just need to accept that you will never fully know, even if he’s already stated the actual truth how would you believe him anyway.

His friend is a twat, I can’t see what Ross Gellar ‘we were on a break’ has to do with anything…. Unless he is a compulsive liar who can’t admit any fault in himself.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 25/05/2023 16:22

Can you get yourself and the kids on a plane home OP and leave him there? I think its just torturing yourself trying to stay for 2 weeks. Get home and get your ducks in order.

Fraaahnces · 25/05/2023 16:23

And keep his damn phone.

Janeyxx · 25/05/2023 16:24

My absolute last post on the topic. If there are MH issues & the man is willing to seek professional help, surely he should be allowed to at least give this a try. If given his history he refuses to seek help then sadly for me it would be the end of the road. Again though, only you op know the full story and his nature.

happylittletree · 25/05/2023 16:26

That's awful, OPFlowers

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