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Original poster

On holiday and found out he's cheated

1000 replies

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 06:08

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

OP posts:
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Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 15:37

FedUpWithTheNHS · 25/05/2023 15:31

I would want to know everyone is safe and whether I can do anything to support the family returning home asap if that’s the decision.

That’s the point though.
They didn’t offer that support. They didn’t worry if the OP and (at least) their grandchild was safe and ok.
They wanted to know that their son is safe. That’s it.

And they didn't ask about the kids, no.

OP posts:
yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 15:39

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 15:37

And they didn't ask about the kids, no.

Show quote history

How do you get on with them generally? How involved are they with their GC?
Does your partner suffer from MH issues that make his parents very worried about what he might do to himself?

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 15:39

Iamdobby63 · 25/05/2023 14:48

Please don’t show him your thread, he will either use it to his advantage or use it to promote his victim hood.

I won't. And his phone wasn't on airplane mode.

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Relationship problems
yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 15:40

Have you got to the bottom of when he actually saw her? In person

yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 15:42

Always baffled by people saying “show him this thread”

Most men aren’t aware of Mumsnet

and would you really be particularly bothered what an anonymous chat room was saying about the situation??

yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 15:42

Oh and if they are aware of mumsnet they either don’t give a hoot about it, or scorn it!

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 15:43

The first time he met her was March and they had dinner and just kissed.
He then met with her mid April and slept with her after dinner.
He hasn't seen her since.

We live a good couple hundred miles away so I know he hasn't because it would've been impossible.

He claims (as predicted) he is depressed. And unhappy. Not with me, but in himself. And he did it for the attention and to feel good about himself.

He claims to have no feelings for her.

OP posts:
Niceseasidetown · 25/05/2023 15:48

This is better than you suspected then perhaps. But all the texting....including on holiday....surely this indicates something more ongoing and not just sex based?

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 15:49

He said he expected it to faze out with her role but his actions show me different.

At this point I trust nothing he says and I judge him on his actions.

OP posts:
yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 15:50

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 15:43

The first time he met her was March and they had dinner and just kissed.
He then met with her mid April and slept with her after dinner.
He hasn't seen her since.

We live a good couple hundred miles away so I know he hasn't because it would've been impossible.

He claims (as predicted) he is depressed. And unhappy. Not with me, but in himself. And he did it for the attention and to feel good about himself.

He claims to have no feelings for her.

do you recall the two times he met with her? The lies he must have told to make it possible.

if he sept with her at her property and it’s hundreds of miles away, was he gone for the night?

sorry I missed how he met her?

FelisCatus0 · 25/05/2023 15:50

AcrossthePond55 · 25/05/2023 15:27

@manipulatrice

You really need space and time away from him. If you'll be OK with the DC on your own (and it sounds like you would be), can't he leave using the excuse of the ill relative? Tell your younger child that 'Dad needs to go home to help with XX' or that 'Nana needs your dad right now'. Time without him 'in your face' can really help you find your equilibrium.

If he leaves, you can at least try to catch your breath. It may not be time right now to make decisions, but it's certainly time to consider all your options.

@Rainbowsandfairies @loulouljh @Summerfun54321 rfun54321 I wish people would stop suggesting he goes home early. So he can get a head start on hiding documents and possessions? No way. OP should go back early and beat him back so she can get copies of everything, check computers etc and get everything in order. Whatever you do, don't let him get back to the house before you do, OP. Make sure you are home at least a day or two before he is.

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 15:53

@yepgoingforarun yes I do as they were both work trips and had to be pre planned to fit around my job.

OP posts:
Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 15:54

She is his subordinate on a project he is running. She is a contractor.

OP posts:
Irisheyesareshining · 25/05/2023 15:54

Another rat thinking the grass is greener ! Unfortunately it appears to be a common thing on here . I don’t trust men and think only a very low percentage are actually faithful .
As awful as it is now remember he’s the loser , he’s just lost his lovely wife and family for a ridiculous affair. Bet he fun and excitement of it has quickly disappeared. Tell him ti go home to her and have the attention he so desperately craves . Remember to get every single penny possible out of him . He won’t be as attractive as a partner with his kids being with him on weekends. If the woman knows she’s as bad as him.

yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 15:55

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 09:57

He said he has no feelings for her. That he doesn't love her and that it was nothing and there were no onward plans. He said he loves me and wants to be with me forever.

But he's lying right? As why is he still texting her?

And she hasn't even attempted to contact him at all.

So no one has messaged

and she hasn’t messaged him

OP - check his message settings

Iamdobby63 · 25/05/2023 15:56

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 15:49

He said he expected it to faze out with her role but his actions show me different.

At this point I trust nothing he says and I judge him on his actions.

Doesn’t really matter if he was shagging her every night or sexting or even just texting, they are all a betrayal.

Shame his parents didn’t react, perhaps they were in shock but yes, you would think they would ask if the kids were ok.

Very wise to keep your guard up.

yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 15:57

The first met in March

when did it all actually start?

have you been bombarded by messages following the social media update?

Iamdobby63 · 25/05/2023 15:58

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 15:54

She is his subordinate on a project he is running. She is a contractor.

Would she ever have needed to travel to him?

yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 15:58

It was logistics (hundreds of miles) that stopped them meeting much more frequently so don’t fall for the “only twice”

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 15:59

I've checked.

The phone back is totally smashed but it's working fine.

As soon as I replied to her message to him on his phone, she blocked me on all social media and him. I haven't a clue how she found me, so this must've been the ICE plan although he denies that.
I didn't message her on my phone or my profile so she would have no way of knowing who I was as such. She hasn't attempted to contact him in anyway whatsoever, I have been through his phone with a fine tooth comb

OP posts:
yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 16:00

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 15:59

I've checked.

The phone back is totally smashed but it's working fine.

As soon as I replied to her message to him on his phone, she blocked me on all social media and him. I haven't a clue how she found me, so this must've been the ICE plan although he denies that.
I didn't message her on my phone or my profile so she would have no way of knowing who I was as such. She hasn't attempted to contact him in anyway whatsoever, I have been through his phone with a fine tooth comb

I meant bombarded by messages from people you and him are both friends with on FB

yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 16:00

manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 15:59

I've checked.

The phone back is totally smashed but it's working fine.

As soon as I replied to her message to him on his phone, she blocked me on all social media and him. I haven't a clue how she found me, so this must've been the ICE plan although he denies that.
I didn't message her on my phone or my profile so she would have no way of knowing who I was as such. She hasn't attempted to contact him in anyway whatsoever, I have been through his phone with a fine tooth comb

Send him a test message from your phone

yepgoingforarun · 25/05/2023 16:01

Because very bloody weird for all his social media contacts, presumably including close friends and family, to see your update and no contact

Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 16:02

He has several group chats with his friends.

One friend text individually this morning and then deleted the post.

The other main group, one person in it has been active as much to say he needs to keep safe (am I the problem here) and they love him and are here for him and they only care about him.

None of his other friends have text. I should imagine they don't know what to say or are disgusted.

His sister has text. That's it.

OP posts:
Original poster
manipulatrice · 25/05/2023 16:02

They even laughed about calling him Ross Gellar once it dies down

OP posts:
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