On holiday and found out he's cheated

[manipulatrice]

I am on holiday with my husband and 2 kids.

I took a picture and sent it to myself using my husbands phone, and as I went to close WhatsApp I saw a name I had never seen. So I clicked it.

He's been having an affair for 6 months. I called his bluff pretending I had seen more and he then admitted as he thought I had seen, that they have been sleeping together.

In a fit of rage I launched his phone and smashed it. He claims he did it because he was lonely as I work nights, and he wanted attention.

I've never felt so alone and desperate in my whole life. We are only on day 2 of a 14 day long haul holiday.

If it wasn't for my wonderful children I think I would just disappear.

His parents aren't there to discipline him or pry. He's an adult.

We love our children even when they mess up.

This isn't their fault and their victims too...going to be a lot harder to have a relationship with their grandson.

I understand you might wish a different reaction but he's the one responsible and other people's reactions can't undo the past.

Op why would he not be 'safe?' Some Mothers really can't bring themselves to see the wrong on their kids even when they are adults can they?

If it were my Mum she'd be bollocking him for England. And rightly so

I would not be surprised if his parents and even some of his friends know. People can be really vile... I remember when I was splitting up from my ex of many years, all heartbroken, crying and feeling lost as he left me suddenly for someone else, and telling a mutual friend what happened - thinking she would be at least shocked - and she just laughed at my face and walked away. She clearly new of the situation and found my distress amusing. His parents also thought I was overreacting.

Anyway, as someone here suggested, I think he has another phone and warned everyone to use that. Have a look on the phone you have, maybe there is a clue in contacts - he might have the second phone number saved?

I think he deliberately wanted you to find out, and he is already planning on getting together with his whore. Please make sure you get all the money from him you can. Don't be generous with this shit, he will not be generous with you.

Big hug. It will get better xxx

Mine did this, caught him cheating at Christmas and was upset, the prick told me not to ruin the children’s Christmas! Are you a nurse? I was working nights and came home early sick (about 11pm) this was pre mobile phones, I felt the bonnet of his car and it was warm(don’t no why I did that)so he had been out, kids in bed, he nearly shit himself was rushing around told me to go to bed, made me tea. He came up to bed and was snoring away, I went downstairs and he had unplugged the phone, I plugged it back in and within minutes it rang, some tart saying, ‘hi, you ok’ I said ‘hold on I will get the asshole for you’ went upstairs and whacked him awake with handset, the fuckwit had gone up the phone box to tell her the coast was clear and she could ring him at home! Left the kids to phone some old tart that was twice his age!!

Can he not go home? If you can manage to put this into a "deal with it later" box, you could then at least try and enjoy the time with the kids...

Sorry you are going through this OP.
But just had to say your eldest is lovely to be taking care of the youngest for you.
Your DH didn't offer? Is he showing any concern for the children at all? Are his parents?
If this is driving you mad, I'd be contacting holiday company to see travelling home with the kids options and leaving him to it, so you can get back, settle them down and away from "the atmosphere" and make plans.

Well said. If I'm right I think I read one of the children has special needs. Is he a good father generally? Do his parents get involved with helping etc. They might be terrified they'd be denied access due to ongoing feuding. I stilk think some serious councilling is required op but obviously everyone will have various opinions. Take time to process the situation & above all talk about it, even show him your replies if it helps ❤️

Good luck xx

Please don’t show him your thread, he will either use it to his advantage or use it to promote his victim hood.

Check his phone is not on aeroplane mode

Is this because people are victimising him without really knowing the whole story. Yes he's been an utter plonker but everybody deserves to at least try to make things right. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

Finally, I do hope everything works out for the best for all concerned, especially the children who are innocent here. Stay strong Op nice to have met you 😊

This has to be a difficult read for the OP, but sometimes a voice of reason in relation to the hard facts which are going to matter A LOT in the upcoming weeks/months, is needed and this is exactly the sort of practical advice I'd really wish for if, God forbid, I ever had to go through something like this.
Here's hoping everyone's messages of advice and support help this poor lady - it's heartbreaking to read.

Please just stop. I think you are a male posing as a female to advocate men cheating. He is a serial adulterer who has shown no remorse and no care for the OP. He won't ever change. OP cannot afford to waste 5 more minutes on the serial adulterous scumbag.

This is the OP’s safe space, to vent, to ask advice etc. He could also use it to invalidate the OP’s feelings ie. she’s only believing it because a bunch of bitter bitches made her think it.

Hes been heard, he did it because he was lonely when the OP worked nights. Personally I don’t think it’s an excuse but that’s where our opinions will differ.

I would not immediately go to livid if my son told me this over the phone whilst he was thousands of miles away, no.

I would want to know everyone is safe and whether I can do anything to support the family returning home asap if that’s the decision.

I would also ask to speak to you (if we were close). I would say that I’m here to do anything to support you and the children getting home and I’ll pick up from airport

the time for any kind of “livid” response is when I’m sat across my son in person and I have the full picture from him

You are not worthless- he is!! Remember that. You are kind caring mum to 2 lovely children, and he is just a man that cheated on you and your children, that's all he is, of no use to u at all at the minute. Whatever you decide it will be hard, but you will emerge stronger for it. When DD was small I worked Fri Sat nigbt duty for years and my OH sure as hell didn't cheat. Where were the children while this was going on ? 🥰🥰🥰

Can he pay for a friend or family member to join you for the rest of the holiday and bugger off home? That's the least he can do surely.

@manipulatrice

You really need space and time away from him. If you'll be OK with the DC on your own (and it sounds like you would be), can't he leave using the excuse of the ill relative? Tell your younger child that 'Dad needs to go home to help with XX' or that 'Nana needs your dad right now'. Time without him 'in your face' can really help you find your equilibrium.

If he leaves, you can at least try to catch your breath. It may not be time right now to make decisions, but it's certainly time to consider all your options.

This isn't their fault and their victims too...going to be a lot harder to have a relationship with their grandson.

Why? Why would it be harder to have a relationship with their grandson?

Are you saying that father is no inept that he wouldnt ensure his own child sees his own parents?
Thats it’s the OP that was ensuring the child was seeing them?

What a charmer then….

I think as horrible as this situation is especially with children involved, the best way you can be there for your kids, is to look after yourself and your mental health in order to heal and rebuilt strength to deal with your own pain and remaining stable for your family, there is no right answer though it is a very bad situation.

I would want to know everyone is safe and whether I can do anything to support the family returning home asap if that’s the decision.

That’s the point though.
They didn’t offer that support. They didn’t worry if the OP and (at least) their grandchild was safe and ok.
They wanted to know that their son is safe. That’s it.

Oh you poor thing- you will be she'll shocked. You are so brave. Hold your head up high- you're worth a million of him. I've been there and the initial shock is gut wrenching! Try and eat little amounts, drink lots of water, hold your children close. He has ripped your family apart. Some men are so bloody awful! Try and enjoy some of your holiday- you deserve it. Just a thought, maybe he could fly home ASAP. Take care xx

Actually @mainsfed I’ve no concern for the OW, if anything I didn’t want the OP to spread the blame around, the OW doesn’t owe her anything, her husband does. He’s the one who has wronged her here, not a random stranger. She’ll just look like hysterical firing off angry texts to someone she’s never met, and inadvertently back up whatever pissy excuses the husband comes up with for why he cheated.
I do feel sorry for the OP and stated that in my original post.

You don’t have any experience of divorce do you.

Of course It impacts inlaws extent of communication with GC

i get on well with my ex inlaws but I don’t have Christmas with them when it is “my Christmas”, I don’t have them over for Sunday lunch like i did when married, I don’t invite them for days out with my children and I.

my ex obviously does this when children with him but absolutely it reduces grandparent time. I would have thought that would have been obvious! 🤷‍♀️

OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know many others have said this, but this definitely doesn’t mean you’ve failed. The failure is your husband. Also, good on you for not being ‘dignified’ (though actually I think you’ve been very restrained!) and quiet about this. Why should you protect him and his reputation when he hasn’t once thought of you? I know it’s horribly raw right now, and you’re miles from family and friends, but I just wanted to say you have a whole host of MNetters here for you… x